11/12

I used to love writing essays. My teachers would say, "Okay, now you have to write an essay."

And I would say, "Essay?! Whoo-hoo!"

And then I would write an essay, and I would enjoy it.

And my teachers would read it, and they would enjoy it.

And there was joy to the world. To all the boys and girls. To the fishes in the deep blue sea. And joy to you and me.

Now, however, I don't love writing essays. In fact, my feelings for essays are quite the opposite.

I would give some tragic backstory as to how this jadedness happened, except I'm not entirely sure myself. I have this impression that I quit loving essays because of some intersection of Miss Kantspell, existentialism, and getting my wisdom teeth removed. But that's just me.

Anyways, it just so happens that I'm an English major, emphasis on creative writing with a history minor and an honors degree. The point being that I write stuff. And some of that stuff is essays.

Today I had to write an essay. And by write, I mean "slog through at the approximate speed of dripping molasses." Which slogging I managed to do through a strategy that involved Pinterest, Izze soda, Rocky and Bullwinkle, children's literature, and a serious headache.

The essay is done. The headache rages on. The strange aftertaste of blackberry Izze soda lingers. Already the memories of whatever it is I just wrote are being repressed by my brain. Now I'm blogging.

Blogging, not slogging.

Now I'm snickering.

And I'm not talking about the candy bar.

If I did have a candy bar, though, I would break it into two pieces and offer you half. And you would say, "Thank you."

And I would say, "You're welcome."

And you would say, "Congratulations on blogging for eleven months straight without actually giving up or spontaneously combusting."

And I would say, "Thank you."

And you would say, "What are you going to do with this blog after the trial year is up?"

And I would say, "Well-"

And you would say, "Wait. Is this candy bar a Snickers?"

And I would say, "Why yes."

And you would say, "I'm allergic to peanuts."

And then you would have an allergic reaction.

And things would be awkward.

Well. What else is new?