Congraduations

My graduation ceremony is forthcoming. In the past few weeks, I’ve learned that more effort is required to prepare for this single day than was necessary for all four years of my degree.

That is an exaggeration. But only a slight one.

My graduation announcements came with this little paper explaining that I had to prepare them in this incredibly formal manner. Each announcement had to have a little card and a tissue paper thingy placed inside. Then it had to be placed inside a small envelope, facing forward, and that envelope had to be placed backwards inside a mailing envelope. I could casually address the inside envelope, but not the mailing one, oh no. Each mailing envelope had to be addressed with courtesy titles and no abbreviations for state or street names. And then I had to lick that mailing envelope with my very own saliva and place an official Nameless Utah College seal on the flap.

If you’re thinking, “Well, that’s stupid. I bet nobody would have noticed if you’d just thrown those things in the envelopes and addressed them however,” well, on the one hand you’re talking sense. Who really cares about graduation announcement etiquette? Probably at least forty-seven out of fifty people on the street don’t even know there’s a certain way to place, address, and seal them.

On the other hand, however, there are always those three people who do know. I would hate to invite their scorn when what I’d really like is their congratulations.

And on a third hand, I just spent my time and toil getting this degree. I’m going to milk this graduation thing for all it’s worth. And if part of milking graduation is having to contribute to the proud tradition of useless graduation announcement etiquette, well then, I’m all for that.

Even though it took me approximately two hundred and infinity hours to assemble and address my graduation announcements.

After all that, I was informed by the explanatory paper that I had to send thank-you notes to everybody who attends the ceremony or gives me a gift. Unfortunately, only five thank-you notes were included with the graduation package, so if more than five people choose to celebrate my graduation with me, I’m in trouble.

Well. Whatever happens, at least there isn’t special graduation thank-you note etiquette.

At least, I hope not.