The Five Stages of Texting

You've heard of the five stages of grief. Or rather, I've heard of the five stages of grief. Mostly because the beginning of Ella Enchanted is a classic example of the stage of bargaining. When I first learned about the stages of grief, I was all, "Oh! Bargaining! Yes, I know that one. It happens in Ella Enchanted."

In case you haven't heard of them, or in case you don't remember, the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Somewhat similar are the five stages of texting.

"The five stages of texting?" you ask. Yes. You know want I'm talking about. I'm talking about that rush of emotions you get after sending a text.

Stage 1: Confidence
Right after you send a text, you're excited. Your text was great, you're going to get a great response, and great great great everything is great!

Stage 2: Reassurance
It's been an hour or two, and you haven't gotten a text back. "Don't worry," you say to yourself. "I'm sure he/she is very busy right now."

Stage 3: Paranoia
But wait. What if he/she isn't busy? What if he/she simply doesn't want to talk to you??? You can't help but notice that the person you texted just posted to Facebook...so he/she probably his/her phone on him/her! Frantically, you reread the text you sent. Is it clear enough? Is it possibly to misinterpret it if different words are stressed? Or maybe it sounds too needy. Or angry! Why, oh, why, didn't you think more about what you were saying?!

Stage 4: Anger
"I thought we were friends!" "I thought I was more important to this person than that!" "I don't know why I even bothered texting this person!" etc. etc. etc. Loose plans form in your head in which you a) march to the person's house and demand an answer, b) give the cold shoulder the next time you see him/her, and/or c) are hit by a bus, causing great grief to the person who didn't respond to you. They come to your funeral, weeping hysterically, and throw their personage upon the coffin. "Why, oh why, didn't I respond to my dear friend before that bus came! Now it's too late."

Stage 5: Acceptance
"I might be overreacting a little. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for the lack of response. Maybe he/she will still get back to me later."

I can't tell you how many times I've finally gotten a response while in Stage 5. Then I respond to that response, and the five stages of texting start all over again...