My Funeral

I don't mean to be morbid, but there's something that's been bugging me for a while. I think it started a couple years ago when I bought life insurance, and it was only reinforced when I was promoted and got a ton more life insurance. I started thinking more about how if I suddenly died (which I have no plans to do, but nobody plans to suddenly die; if it were planned, it wouldn't be sudden), then there would probably be a funeral. I have concerns about this funeral. I'm worried that without me there to supervise it, it's going to turn out all wrong.

I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but over the past year or so, many of the people around me (and myself, come to think of it) have lost loved ones. It seemed terribly blasé to be giving out funeral plans in the midst of such things, so I've waited, and now I finally think it's a good time. And I'm posting them online, so that everyone knows what I want at my funeral so that everyone can be held accountable for it going off correctly.

Location and Music: These things are tied together, in my opinion. I kind of want music that's not church music at the funeral. Like, there can be some church music, but I really like Jim Henson's memorial where his friends sang a medley of his favorite songs. I'd rather have that. But that would mean that the funeral couldn't be held in an LDS chapel. That would mean extra hassle for my parents, and also my experience with funerals is that another venue might not be large enough. So I guess that's really up to my family and whether they would find church music more comforting. But for the record, my favorite song is probably "Pukka Pukka Squeetily Boink."

Speakers: I've decided that for speakers, Viola, Best Friend Boy, and La Petite should speak, in that order. Following that, a church leader of my parents' choosing should speak.

Other Funeral Requests: Everyone attending the funeral should write a letter and put it in my casket. Please and thank you. I'm going to be at my funeral in spirit, and I'm going to read everyone's letters over their shoulders so that I can find out everything they ever wanted to say to me but didn't. So this is very important.

Headstone: I have especially particular opinions about headstones. Here's what should be on mine: 1) my full name, 2) my exact birth and death dates, and 3) a quote. A good quote that encompasses my life or my personality or something. I know that having words on headstones is expensive, but there's no use having a headstone with no quote so there better be one.

Food: Please, for the love of all that is holy, no funeral potatoes at my funeral. Funeral potatoes are disgusting. You'd think it wouldn't make a difference to me because I'd be dead, but it does.

That's it. Those are the most important things that cannot be messed up. Hopefully, nobody will have to worry about this because I plan to live for a long time. I've never even been kissed, for crying out loud, so I have to at least do that. But just in case, these plans are readily accessible should they be needed.