To Sting or Not to Sting

Disneyland is always an adventure.

Sometimes when I tell people about the five-day park-hopper passes my family buys, they say, "Five days? How can you spend five days at the same amusement park?"

I can spend five days or more at Disneyland because Disneyland isn't misnamed. Unlike other amusement parks, it truly is a land, a world of its own, a small country.

When I was in Europe, I only spent a few days apiece in Germany and Austria, and I didn't even begin to experience what those countries had to offer. I stayed over a week in Italy and still only began to make her acquaintance. Well, it's the same thing with Disneyland. I've never come close to doing all there that I want to do, and I doubt I ever will.

This time was my first time actually going inside Sleeping Beauty's castle. There's this cute display within that tells the story of Sleeping Beauty in a style I can best describe as pop-up book. Like, it's all in pictures but the pictures have depth and moving parts and little surprises.

It was awesome. Awesome enough that for a moment I actually saw some value in being a Disney princess. But that only lasted for that moment because then swords!

The Castle Heraldry Shoppe beckoned right outside the castle's doors. Going inside, I saw a flipping sweet pirate sword. And a flipping sweet model of Peter Pevensie's sword from Chronicles of Narnia. And some flipping sweet Greek daggers and Roman gladiuses like the kind they use in Percy Jackson.

I was suitably impressed. I love swords. I have a collection of short swords/daggers that I've purchased over the years at the Utah Shakespeare Festival. Granted, most of the swords had nothing to do Disney properties, but I was not complaining at all. When it comes to movies featuring awesome swords, Disney leaves a little something to be desired. Disneyland, however, always surpasses my wildest dreams. Again--swords.

I saw lots of swords that I liked, but I didn't buy any. And I was happy about that. See, before the trip started I decided I could spend only x amount of money on souvenirs. This is what we adults call a budget. And yes, I am an adult. I do still have some growing up to do, but overall I'm about there. I mean, I rip off my own Band-Aids. If that's not adulthood, I don't know what is.

Being as adult as I am, I knew I had to stick to my budget. Most of the swords exceeded that budget. The ones that didn't, I did not want enough to feel justified in spending so much money.

"Wow, look how mature we are!" I said to myself. Then I high-fived myself. It's way easier than high-fiving someone else, just lonelier.

Then I saw it.

Sting.

Sting the sword.

Sting the sword that belonged to Bilbo Baggins.

Sting the sword that also belonged to Frodo Baggins.

They say love at first sight doesn't exist. They say that the only emotion that can exist at first sight is lust.

There may be something to that. 'Cause the moment I saw that sword, I wanted it.

My internal dialogue went something like this:

ME: I want that sword.

ALSO ME: It costs more than our budget.

ME: It's Bilbo's sword.

ALSO ME: It's twenty-five percent over our budget.

ME: It's Frodo's sword!

ALSO ME: Plus shipping.

ME: It's Sting!!!

ALSO ME: It's backordered twelve weeks!

ME: Sting is so shiiiiny. I love it.

ALSO ME: What would you even do with it?

ME: It loves me.

ALSO ME: It's an inanimate object.

ME: I want it. I need it.

ALSO ME: That sword is the equivalent of x amount of hours at work. Think about this. Pretend that you worked x amount of hours, and your boss said, "I'm not paying you today, but I will give you this exact replica of a hobbit's sword instead." Would you be okay with that?

ME: Yes.

ALSO ME: You're ruining my logic.

ME: I wants it. I loves it. My preciousssss.

Only discipline gained from ripping infinite amounts of Band-Aids from my epidermis aided me in leaving the Castle Heraldry Shoppe without becoming the brand-new owner of that beautiful replica of beautiful Sting. It was quite painful, but the further away from the store I went, the more I was free from the blade's spell, and the happier I was that I had behaved in an adult manner.

Instead I bought myself a Phineas and Ferb t-shirt that says, "I Know What We're Going to Do Today!" and a Precious Moments Mulan. Because even adults need shirts with cartoon characters on them and Disney Princess dolls.