zulily Takes Over

In the course of my Christmas shopping (shut up shut up I know it's only October), I found myself on a site called zulily.

Since I started Stitch Fix, zulily ads have started appearing all over. Presumably because the Internet now thinks I have a mania for cute clothes, which isn't exactly true. I have a greater mania for good food and books than I've ever had for cute clothes. But that's not terribly topical at the moment.

What is topical is that I thought of an item that I thought I might want to get Baby Sister for Christmas. I'd tell you what it is, but Baby Sister reads this blog so I can't say too much. I will say that I'm thinking about getting her a ___ because she likes to ___ and also ___ and I thought this item might help ___ her ___. Also, it would be useful in case she ever decides to ___. And y'all know how I feel about that.

Anyways, in my course of further investigating, I learned that zulily had a decent deal on one item like this. Then I discovered another one on zulily that was even better, but strangely enough I couldn't find the price. Every time I tried to find the price, zulily would ask me to sign up.

Which is how I discovered zulily's nefarious plot, which is that they won't tell you the prices of certain items unless you sign up with them. Clever, zulily. Very clever. In the end, I had to sign up because I really wanted to know how much this thing was. And sure enough, once I'd given them my email price tags started popping up all over the place.

But that's not zulily's only evil plot. By forcing you to sign up, they obtain your email address. And once they have that, they begin an evil email plot. Which is to say that in the few days since I've signed up, they've sent me a lot of not-so-helpful emails, most of which go something like this:

From: zulily events
To: Awkward Mormon Girl
Today at 8:20 PM
zulily is now having a five-minute sale.

From: zulily events
To: Awkward Mormon Girl
Today at 8:25 PM
The five-minute sale is now over.

Also, zulily had the brashness to actually send me an email where they informed that their goal is to send me a "daily email from zulily."

Excuse me, zulily?! When did I say that I wanted a daily email from you? Never, that's when!

But I'm on to you, zulily. I am 90.239865% certain that your goal is to harass people so much that they'll break down and agree to do whatever you say if only you'll stop sending emails. And then you'll command them to join your army and to buy your items to fund said army. And once you've amassed enough wealth and soldiers, you'll march on the world and transform it into a cutesy craft booth.

Well, I'm not going down without a fight. Try to break me, zulily. I dare you. I'm ready.