Snow Day

You know how sometimes in movies, when something bad happens and one of the characters lets out a huge "NOOOOO"?

Well, this morning, I woke up, checked the weather, and as soon as I saw that it was snowing my soul did a big "NOOOOO!"

And then it did it again when I opened the door and stepped foot in a foot of snow.

And again when I was lurching through the streets of Hometown.

And again when I saw the line to get on the overpass to Work City.

And again when my car got stuck on the overpass. (A friendly stranger got out of his car and actually pushed mine up the overpass.)

And then I was all snowed out and NOed out. So after about fifteen minutes of crawling on the treacherous freeway, I realized this was more than I could handle and I got off at the nearest exit to drive back home.

When I got home, my roommates were preparing to go to work. We all work in the same city, and when they saw that I was distraught at my lack of mad snow driving skillz they offered to drive me.

But then they stepped outside and saw the snow, and their souls also did a big "NOOOOO!" And then we all walked back into our apartment to wait until the roads were a little more clear.

Back in the apartment, there was hot chocolate and Christmas music and the light of our beautifully decorated Christmas tree. We all started talking about what we would do if we couldn't go into work today. A glorious fantasy of a snow day where we all stayed home began to dance in our heads.

Then the Christmas tree lights blinked off...on...off...on...off.

The power was out.

Immediately, we began to discuss flashlights and candles and emergency rations. This soon turned to talk of the zombie apocalypse, and how we would get weapons, and in which direction we would flee to get away from the zombies.

It was a pretty well-laid out plan. And so the glorious fantasy of the snow day was replaced with the exciting vision of surviving the zombie apocalypse.

But then we checked traffic and saw that the roads were now clear. Which meant it was time to go to work. Which knowledge killed both the remnant of the glorious fantasy and the momentum of the exciting vision.

Like good adults, we went outside to our cars, shoveled the driveway, and headed off to work.

I rode with Pepper to work and with the Seamstress home. And then, in return for their hospitality, I grandly announced that I would drive all of us to our ward Christmas party that evening.

I should now tell you that our party was at our church meetinghouse. Said meetinghouse is at the top of a hill. Hills are known for being inclined surfaces. Inclined surfaces are known for not being compatible with driving in the snow.

Remember how I got stuck driving up a slightly inclined overpass this morning? Remember how I couldn't handle driving in the snow? Remember how I cried? You don't remember that part, because I previously didn't tell you about it. But it happened. I cried quite a lot.

I don't know why I volunteered to drive up the hill to the party. And I especially don't know why I felt so sure that I could do it. But I changed into some party clothes, and I scraped the snow off my Honda, and I hustled my roommates into the car and I drove.

Calmly and easily, I drove the Honda up the hill. We went to the party. We ate. We left. We headed down the hill. We got stuck towards the top and had to be pushed by more kind strangers. Apparently there are lots of kind strangers when it's snowing.

Finally we were on our way down the hill, really down. As we slipped down the snowy hill, at long last my resolve began to break. I was amazed that I'd ever volunteered to go up the hill. I was amazed that we'd made it to the top. I was particularly amazed that I for some reason had also decided it was a good idea to go down.

Why do I do these things to myself?

In a show of bravado, I yelled, "Snow doesn't scare us! Only snow zombies."

But that was a lie, obviously. Because snow scares me. A lot. I would rather have faced snow zombies than snow. We had a plan for snow zombies. I do not know how to plan for snow.

But too late! Gravity had its way with us. We went down, down, down the slippery hill.

Here's some good news: we survived! Here's some bad news: there's approximately ten thousand days left of Utah winter.

I have another party tomorrow, but I'm getting somebody else to drive.