The Care and Keeping of Cuckoo Birds

It's been far too long since the last Ask Awkward Mormon Girl post! So, without further ado, I will answer your questions.

• Does reaching for the stars ever leave battle wounds?

(I have open blisters from where the rocks pulled off skin rock climbing. Totally worth it, but reminder that I didn't always make a reach. Would reaching for stars be similar?

In all honesty, most stars don't like to be reached for. Miley Cyrus is probably okay with it, but George Clooney hates it. But as long as you're not paparazzi, you'll probably leave un-wounded.

• If the guardians of the galaxy have a bake off width the avatar team... what would everyone make, and who would win?

Peter Quill would make brownies. Aang would make egg custard pie. Gamora would refuse to create her own entry, but would help Katara make baklava after Katara asked her nicely. Sokka and Toph would make a rhubarb cactus tart, but Toph would spend like only five percent of the time helping and ninety-five percent of the time using her earth bending seeing skills to spy on Rocket and Groot making vegan bran muffins. Drax would accidentally insult Zuko, who in his stiff and humorless fashion would fly into a rage and burn both Drax's cupcakes and his own sugar cookies. Uncle Iroh would judge Momo's peach macarons to be the winning entry, and Appa would eat all the leftovers.

(Someone turn this into a fanfiction please.)

And now, Little Sister's questions.

Dear Awkward Mormon Bird,

• How is anyone expected to keep their pet cuckoo bird alive when they hardly ever come out of their clock?!?!? PLEASE REALLY TELL ME ITS A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION'

First of all, for the record, I object to being called a bird unless you are trying to say that I am a penguin. In that case, it would be a compliment.

Second of all, generally speaking, living creatures need only a few things to survive: shelter, air, food, and water.

Your cuckoo bird has a clock to live in, therefore it has shelter. You hear it pop out and cry, "Cuckoo!" on the hour. Crying "Cuckoo!" is not possible without air, therefore your cuckoo bird has air. Clocks are full of gears and springs which your cuckoo can eat if it gets hungry, so I wouldn't worry too much about the food part.

What your cuckoo bird lacks is water. Pour a generous cupful of water into your cuckoo clock so that the poor thing doesn't die of dehydration.

• What came first, the rain or the cloud? And if the cloud came first, how did the chicken survive without any water. Because ya know...no rain.

I'm pretty sure that the cloud did, in fact, come first.

As we previously discussed, living things generally do need water to survive. But good news--clouds are made of water. Also good news--the first chicken lived alongside dinosaurs. So whenever the chicken was thirsty, its brontosaurus friend would let it climb its neck. And then from there the chicken would climb onto the back of an equally friendly pterodactyl. And they would fly into the clouds and drink their fill.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call Pixar. I think I've found a premise for a sequel to The Good Dinosaur.

But before I go, two notes.

NOTE #1: Speaking of chickens, I recently lent my apartment and my Stitch Fix box to the making of this YouTube video. I am quite pleased with how it turned out.

NOTE #2: Please leave questions in the comments! I'd love to do Ask Awkward Mormon Girl posts more often, but I need your questions! K thx bye.