Update on Judith

How is Judith? Judith is doing well. She's as happy as a clam that hasn't been steamed alive.

The difference between the way I've cared for Judith and the way I cared for Tabitha is that I have done almost zero things for Judith. I don't obsess over her the way I obsessed over Tabitha. The only thing I did for Judith out of the ordinary was that I gave her a pink tulip-shaped solar light to keep her company in her pot. It was a really nice solar light...until the landlord's dog ate it.

But apparently, no-hands parenting has been really good for Judith. Free-range parenting? Whatever. Girl is thriving.

Judith

Over the weekend, when I was at my parents' for General Conference, I noticed that there were unpotted pansies on my parents' porch.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Are those-?

MOM: Those are for you, yes.

Meet Judith!

I actually potted her myself. It was really stressful because I had no idea what I was doing.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Did I do a good job, Mom?

MOM: You put rocks in the bottom, right?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Rocks??? You didn't say anything about rocks! Why are there rocks? What kind of sorcery is this???

Anyways, I was anxious to bring Judith home and care for her. My last pansy plant, Tabitha, perished quite soon after we met. I don't know if it was just her time to go or if she was killed off by the horrible weather. It rained almost nonstop when I had Tabitha, and when it wasn't raining, the sun was beating down with the force of a woman pushing out a baby. Why was the weather so awful? Some people blamed global warming. Some people blamed Obama. Some people blamed Obama detractors. Whatever the case, the whole thing was unhealthy for my poor little pansy, and she died.

I was optimistic about my future with Judith.

MOM: If the temperature drops below freezing, bring the plant inside.

I checked the predicted weather for the whole week. Moderate temperatures every night, and no freezing! A good sign. However, the day after I brought Judith home, it began to rain.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Oh, come on!

And then the next day, the predicted high was 82 degrees.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: ...what?

And the next day, the predicted high was 91 degrees.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: What is this?

Apparently the cause of the terrible weather is not global warming, Obama, or Obama detractors. It's me. Somehow, as soon as I find a plant to love and care for, the forces of nature join together to smite it down.

Happily, Judith is still alive... for now.

RIP Tabitha

With a great deal of difficulty, I managed to keep Tabitha alive until the beginning of July. I tried everything to save her little pansy life. We had a few weeks of weather that was consistently 90 degrees Fahrenheit or so. To protect Tabitha, I brought her inside to live on the windowsill, but that arrangement didn’t work out so well. Tabitha was a terrible roommate. She never did any chores or helped me with dinner or anything. She just sat there like a lazy lump on a log and dropped leaves and petals everywhere and waited for me to water her.

Plus, even when she was living in an air-conditioned apartment, her health still declined. The flowers she produced were smaller and smaller with every batch, and her stems grew all brown and crispy and droopy. So I decided that if she was going to die one way or the other, it would be better for her to die out in nature, where she belonged.

She passed away around the Fourth of July. Every time I come home, I see this at the bottom of the stairs:

I miss her.

Update on Tabitha

Tabitha does not seem to be thriving.

It's been difficult to bond with her, because since I obtained her it has been raining constantly. So usually I'm indoors, and Tabitha is outdoors, and we don't spend much time together.

Apart from keeping us separated, the rain is having somewhat of an ill effect on Tabitha's health. It is not a gentle rain, oh no. The best way for me to describe it would be the ride of Paul Revere, with Tabitha being the colonists and the rain being Paul Revere. Only instead of Paul Revere repeatedly crying, "The British are coming!" he repeatedly drops from the sky onto the heads of the colonists.

Needless to say, Tabitha has become quite battered.

Every time I step out the door and see the raindrops assault her, I have to convince myself that this is a natural part of nature by chanting, "Rain is good for plants! Rain is good for plants! Rain is good for plants!" over and over inside my head. It's the only way I can prevent myself from snatching Tabitha up and bringing her into my bedroom to stay.

After the fourth or fifth rainfall, I could stand it no longer. I rigged my umbrella to protect Tabitha from the rain:

What happened next is probably my fault.

Our landlord has some overly friendly dogs. They enjoy investigating/destroying everything they can find. Bags of trash, balloons, my feet--you name it, they just can't leave it alone.

So far, Tabitha has managed not to draw the dogs' attention to herself. But, I think, the bright green umbrella drew their attention to her...because the next time I saw her, she was lying upside-down on the concrete.

There's some New Age-y parenting tip going around, which is that if your child falls flat on their face, you shouldn't react except to say, "You're okay! You're okay!" Whether this is a good idea I'm unsure, but one thing is for certain: I would make a terrible New Age-y parent. When I found Tabitha flat on her face, I didn't exclaim, "You're okay! You're okay!" I freaked out.

I squatted in the rain in my pencil skirt ( I had just arrived home from the temple), trying to repot Tabitha while inflicting the least amount of damage.

The next day, I tried to rearrange her mangled and broken branches. But in the end, Tabitha looked like what she was: a defeated pansy plant who had been abused by nature.

A day or two later, the storm clouds gathered once again. I bemoaned the coming rain and the injuries that Tabitha was sure to receive.

PEPPER: Why don't you just bring Tabitha inside?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: She gets too wet and dirty to come inside.

PEPPER: So why don't you bring her in now, before it rains?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: ...oh.

Tabitha

Meet Tabitha.

My mother gave Tabitha to me earlier this week.

Upon receiving Tabitha I did what any human would do upon receiving a pansy plant, which is give it a name and then devote every waking moment to the care and keeping of it.

Now, I've taken care of a lot of things: praying mantises. Younger siblings. I even became quite friendly with Baby Sister's pet rat. However, I have never had much experience with plants, so this is uncharted territory for me.

The first evening I got Tabitha, I bonded with her by sitting outside and playing her some good music. I selected "Follow Me" from Fraggle Rock as well as "Amazing Grace." She seemed to enjoy the music; at least, she didn't complain.

The next day, I forgot to water Tabitha before I went to work. When I arrived home, I examined her closely to be sure she had not suffered too much from my forgetfulness.

To my great surprise, the earth in her pot was damp. I presumed that this was from being watered the night before. Did that mean that Tabitha wasn't thirsty? Or that she wasn't getting enough sunshine in her home at the bottom of the stairwell outside my apartment?

I was very unsure of what to do. In the end, I settled on moving Tabitha to a sunnier spot. Then, not having a watering can, I gave her a small amount of water from the cup I'd drank milk from that morning and which had touched with my very own lips.

The next day, I watered Tabitha before going to work. I noticed that, while I'd always thought that flowers turn towards the sun, Tabitha's flowers were facing every which way. What if Tabitha was a developmentally delayed pansy plant that doesn't know where the sun is?! Or if she still wasn't getting enough sun?!

I also noticed that some of the flowers seemed to be wilting.

Maybe I hadn't watered Tabitha enough the day before. What if she died of thirst?!

I gave her a nice big glass of water.

A few hours later, it started to rain. And rain. AND RAIN. That was yesterday, and it's scarcely stopped raining since.

Tabitha's flowers are no longer wilting. But now they seem to be drooping from the relentless cascade of water. And I worry about the amount of water that has overloaded her small pot. What if she dies of drowning?!

I feel like I'm turning out to be a terrible plant parent.