In Which a Doughnut Makes Me the Most Powerful Being in the Universe

I walked into ward prayer on Sunday night and sat next to my friend La Petite.

LA PETITE: Did you nap after church?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Yes...

LA PETITE: That would explain why you're so much more mellow now than you were earlier.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: What do you mean?

LA PETITE: Well...
Flashback to church
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I only slept for four hours last night.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: This morning I ate a chocolate doughnut. You know how when you eat a chocolate doughnut, you feel powerful?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I ate the chocolate doughnut, and I was like, "I am now the most powerful being in the universe."

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL (to choir pianist) Play what you wanna play. I WANNA SEE YOU BE BRAVE.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Turn to page seis.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Pagina seis.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I just decided to be bilingual.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Sporadically bilingual?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I'm going to put that on my resume.

Flash forward to ward prayer
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Oh. I see.