Auld Lang Syne and Whatever

Not long ago, I told the Relief Society president of my ward that it seems I ruin everything I touch.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Everything I do turns to-

MADAM PRESIDENT: Ashes?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Sure. Ashes, or something else nobody likes. Like Jell-O. Green Jell-O. With carrots.

I produced a lot of green Jell-O with carrots this year.

In other words, I didn't produce much in terms of other, more metaphorically delicious things.

In other words, I failed. Failed. I failed all over the place and all over everything. And in the New Year, I plan to fail even more.

See. I figure there are statistically only so many times a person can fail. So the more I fail, the more statistically likely I am to succeed at something.

One of these days.

This is a good plan. It involves math. Your counter-argument is invalid.