Friday, December 20, 2013

Peanut Butter, Rubik's Cubes, and Witchcraft

Aaand now it's time for what you've all been waiting for: another Ask Awkward Mormon Girl post!

Creamy or crunchy peanut butter? Be honest.

Nutella.

But when Nutella-less, creamy, of course. Creamy peanut butter is the protein source of champions and high ACT scorers.

How do you know if a guy likes you?

This is an area I have a lot of expertise in, since I am in a relationship of almost nine months.

(With a blog. But still.)

When you get to be a certain age, if a guy likes you, I think that he should just tell you.

That doesn't mean that he will. But he should. And if you like him, you should tell him too. If people would just be honest with one another, like seventy-two percent of the problems in the world would disappear overnight.

If all else fails, just, like, steal his diary or something.

How do you lose a stalker?

Stay away from cornfields.

How do you work without getting bored?

Find a job that you love. Because when you love something, you will never get bored of it.

Just kidding. I get bored of stuff that I love all the time. Except not hobbits. I never tire of hobbits.

What you need to do is spice up your relationship with your work.

Remember how wonderful everything was when you first got together? Recreate that old spark by dressing up for the time you spend together.

Buy small gifts for your job. Bring it chocolates and its favorite flowers.

Write nice notes for your job and put it in its sack lunches. If you don't make sack lunches for your job, now is the time to start. The more effort you put into the relationship, the more you will get out of it.

How do you choose a present for your mom?

Don't buy her a loufa.

Thanks to everyone for submitting these questions! Now I will answer the ones I was sent by you-know-who.

Dear awkward mormon girl,
Please answer the following questions:

Have you ever solved a rubix cube before?

A few years ago, Baby Brother purchased a Rubik's cube for me for my birthday. He often came to my room to play with it. Eventually, he broke it.

He then brought me another Rubik's cube and brought it to my room. Because I am not a genius-child like him, he knew I would not know that it was for me unless he made it very, very clear. So he put a sticky note on it that said, "To Awkward Mormon Girl from Baby Brother."

Also one that said, "New Rubix cube" because people who are not genius children can't identify objects unless they are labeled.

Now he comes to my room every day and asks me when I'm going to mix the Rubik's cube up. I don't want to mix it up because I know, from years of experience, that I will never be able to solve it, and I think it's beautiful the way it is.

Which is a long way of saying no, I have never solved a Rubik's cube. But Baby Brother probably has. In less than a minute. Simply by looking at it.

If not, please attempt to solve one during a commercial break the next time you watch t.v.

You first.

What is your favorite type of fence? This is my go to question when I'm getting to know people, and I'm curious to know yours.

My go-to question when I'm getting to know people is "What is your blood type?" But to each their own.

I like picket fences. Because "picket" is fun to say. It's like a hobbit name or something. Picket Baggins.

If I had 26 Cheetos and gave Tinkerbell 37 cosmic brownies, how many sour cream buckets would Rafiki leave on our doorstep?

None. But Phineas and Ferb would put half a gallon of ice cream on the roof.

How did your attempt at the rubix cube go?

As well as my attempt to win an Oscar. Both are imaginary.

P.s. If you solve a rubix cube during commercial break, you probably didn't actually.

You know me so well.

After asking me these questions, Little Sister sent me another message on my iPod.

Little Sister: Did you get these messages? Because for some reason I'm getting them on my iPod.

Little Sister: Bad iPod.

Little Sister: Technology confuses me.

Me: Oh, I'm getting them all right.

All of a sudden, a message that I had not typed appeared on my side of the screen.

Little Sister on my account: Oooh is this sent from your account?

Me: What is this stop it.

Little Sister on her account: Woah. I'm like in two places at once!

Me: Devilry. Witchcraft.

Little Sister on my account: I'm not actually sure how I'm doing this...

Little Sister on her account: Okay goodnight hahahahha.

Me: Goodnight. Tomorrow we will burn you at the stake.

Little Sister on her account: You will think you are burning me.

Little Sister on my account: But it will actually be you. ;)

Little Sister on her account: Tehehehehhehemuahahahahahha.

Me: ...I am way more creeped out right now than I should be.

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