VIOLA: So Lilac invited me and a few other friends to wait outside the temple and attend the wedding luncheon. But it was weird because her best friend wasn't there.
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Really?
VIOLA: Yeah, I thought it was really weird. But then she was at the reception last night, and I asked her about it, and she said that she'd been planning to be there but she'd had a Red Eye flight the night before and this morning she decided that she was too tired.
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Too tired to go to her best friend's wedding festivities???
VIOLA: I guess. (pause for emphasis) Don't do that when I get married.
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Of course not! I would never miss any part of your wedding for any reason! Even the thought of missing it is preposterous! P to the R to the E to the P O S T E R etcetera!
Fast forward to this year, when the blessed day finally came. My best friend was getting married! I was soooo excited. More excited than a piece of parsley would be if parsley could get excited.
The wedding was at two. Viola had asked me to do a reading during the ceremony, so I thought it would be good for me to leave by one so I could arrive at the venue by one-thirty so that I could have plenty of time to silently practice/soak in the experience of Viola getting married/be a good best friend.
That was the plan. But then everything went wrong.
First, I was running the tiniest fraction behind in getting ready. So I ended up leaving the house at 1:05 instead of 1:00.
Then I discovered that the card for my parents' gift to Viola and her fiance was not in the bag. Belatedly I remembered my mom saying something like, "Blah blah the gift is on the hutch but the card is on the couch blah." So I took a five-or-so-minute detour to grab the card.
Now, the wedding was taking place in Work City. I know Work City well enough that I had a vague idea of the location of the venue's street, but I wasn't 100% sure. Since this was my best friend's wedding and I was taking no chances, I decided to let my recently acquired smart phone give me directions instead of relying on my own sketchy know-how.
Beautified and with the card now reunited with the gift, I zoomed towards Work City in my trusty Honda.
When I arrived in Work City, I listened carefully to my phone's directions.
PHONE: Go this way!
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: This way? It's a good thing I'm using my phone, because that is not where I thought this building was at all!
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: This is kind of a sketch part of town.
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Why is this road closed?
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: HELP HELP THERE AREN'T EVEN ANY BUILDINGS HERE.
By this point, it was 1:30.
I began to do everything I could think of. I reentered the address on my phone in hopes that it would give me new directions. I pulled up maps of the city and tried to find the street by zooming in. I even called Viola. She didn't answer because she was too busy getting ready to get married and having no idea that I was not going to be there to support her.
At this point, I legitimately began to be afraid that I would not make it to the wedding. Which was bad. First of all, I would miss my best friend's wedding, which as established earlier would be preposterous. But not only would I miss it, I was actually part of the ceremony! Which made things doubly bad!
I began to have a miniature panic attack. Shortness of breath! Dizziness! My hands were alternately numb and tingling! I was about three seconds away from bursting into tears, so I did what anybody would do and called on my fathers. First I prayed. Then I pulled up my Dad's number, tapped it, and hoped he would answer immediately.
DAD: Hello?
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: DAD! DAD, VIOLA'S WEDDING IS IN FIFTEEN MINUTES AND MY PHONE IS CRAZY AND I CAN'T FIND THIS STREET WHERE IS IT PLEASE TELL ME YOU ALWAYS KNOW THESE THINGS!
He told me where it was. Which was exactly where I'd thought it was before I decided to let my phone guide me.
Mind dizzy, fingers tingling, I sped off as quickly as I could without breaking any laws. On the way, I scolded myself. I was a grown adult and there was no excuse for me to not know where a street in a city I drive in every day was and I should have left even earlier or at least physically gone to the building earlier that week to make sure i knew where it was and if I was late Viola would probably forgive me but I never would forgive myself.
I made excellent time to the street, but had to circle around the block to find a place to park. Finally I found a pay-to-park open air lot.
I pulled in and jumped out of the car. I skimmed the instructions on how to pay and saw that it would take me several minutes to process the payment. But the wedding was in four minutes! If I didn't pay, I could come back from the wedding only to see that my car had been fined/ticketed/towed.
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: TOO BAD. DON'T EVEN CARE!
And in the most rebel act of my life, I left my car without paying and dashed to the sidewalk!
But oh no! There were two buildings that fit what I knew about the wedding venue, and I couldn't find the street address displayed on either! And they were on opposite sides of the street, so choosing the wrong one would make me multiple minutes even later! I gambled, chose the building on the other side of the street, and rushed to the crosswalk! (I luckily was not wearing high heels.)
It was two o'clock! The wedding was about to start. It might even be starting!!!
I crossed the street like a speeding bullet! Hurtled over the venue's grounds! Ran through the doors! Up the stairs!
Ring ring. I fumbled in my purse for my phone. It was Viola.
VIOLA: ...are you coming?
I sped to her side! They hadn't started yet! I was out of breath, disheveled, and possibly about to faint of anxiety, but I was there!!!
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I AM SORRY SO SORRY SO SORRY!
VIOLA: Don't worry! Mr. Viola's dad isn't even here yet, so it might be a while before we get started.
AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Ah. All right. I'll...subdue myself...and sit down, shall I?
After that, the wedding went off without a hitch. And I made sure that when I went to the reception that evening, I was extra early.
I actually think I promised to punch you in the face if you didn't come to my wedding because you were sleeping. Luckily you didn't miss it, I detest violence. ;) Sounds pretty stressful, glad you were there.
ReplyDelete-Viola
Somehow I blocked out the punch in the face part. But I was glad I was there. :)
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