To Whomever It May Concern

According to Timehop, four years ago today I tweeted a blog post written by one Eli McCann.

I've talked about Eli McCann's blog here before. Don't necessarily consider these mentions an endorsement for Eli McCann; I definitely can't say we share the same beliefs even though we're members of the same religion. I don't agree with a lot of his conclusions. However, I find his writing to be interesting, thoughtful, and funny.

This is the post I tweeted. I tweeted it because it reminded me of what was happening in my own life. Now, four years later, I find myself in a similar situation as I did then. The post still strikes a chord. It's about a profound strain in a relationship with a friend who roomed with him on a tropical island for a year. I'll share some relevant segments with you:

...we were both angry with one another. Really angry with one another.

I won't go into all of the whys and hows. Frankly, I don't think either of us even know all of the whys and hows. But in our final weeks in Palau we had grown apart considerably. We never really talked about it. But we both knew that serious frustration had built up, and we got to a point where both of us resented the decisions and actions of the other, from the benign to the significant....

...I had made some decisions that really really upset Daniel. I didn't know that they upset him at the time and I didn't believe he had any reason to be upset anyway. Many months later, when we finally spoke candidly, I learned how life looked from his perspective and I could see how some of my actions could have been so insensitive and hurtful to him at that time. And I felt absolutely terrible about this. Daniel reports that he experienced something similar on his end after he considered some of his own actions and reactions.

Don't get me wrong. We never hated each other, or even stopped caring about one another's well-being. We had just lost a lot of what we had, and all of this because we were acting in ways that were extremely hurtful to the other without ever discussing it....

...He was the one person who could really understand everything I had just gone through for what was probably the most difficult year of my life. And he didn't even seem to care about me or, apparently, intend to ever see me again.

I hated that this was the way he had chosen to make me feel. I hated that I had done whatever I had done to him to make him wander off so callously and carelessly. I hated that I didn't really know what that thing was that I had done. I hated that I hated when this moment should have induced feelings of nostalgia and love and profound significance.

When I tweeted out the post four years ago, I prefaced it with, "I may have cried while reading this..." I'm not going to say that again, but if I did, I wouldn't be lying.

Now I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice. I've always liked this quote by Ambrose Bierce: "Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." Even though Ambrose Bierce was a total downer, he had a point. We all say stupid stuff when we're angry. So if you swore yourself to a course of action when you were angry, such as that you're going to kill someone for revenge or never talk to someone again to make a point or never talk to someone again to make a point and then kill them for revenge—that's dumb. Don't do it. It's something you decided to do when you were angry and weren't thinking clearly. If you think about it again for five seconds when you're calm, you'll realize that you don't actually want to do that. Release yourself from your angry vow and make new, calmer vows that involve kindness and behaving well and giving others the benefit of the doubt.

If, while you were making your angry speech, you said some mean, mean things to hurt someone else, then reach out to that person and let them know you regret it. You're not sure how they'll receive your apology? Make it anyway. If you wait for signals that show they're not mad, you could be waiting a long time. They probably will stay at least somewhat mad until you apologize! It's a self-defense mechanism. If they stay mad at you, they can't be hurt by you, right? It's just easier for them that way. So you may have to be the first one to reach out. There's nothing wrong with that. If anything, it can be good for ya to practice your humility.

In short, don't kill the relationships you care about because you spoke hastily and are too proud and stubborn to humble yourself even though you regret how things played out. Rant over. Stepping off soapbox. Going to bed.

Another Weird Dream

This morning, I woke up needing to use the restroom. I dragged myself out of bed, went to the bathroom, started my morning routine, and then decided to try to catch a little more sleep before I finished getting ready. When I got back to my room, I looked at the clock and realized that it was only 3:00 a.m. Not time to get up yet!

So I went back to sleep...and had a weird dream.

I dreamed that I was a star of some big blockbuster movie starring Martin Freeman and some other people I can't remember. At the wrap-up party after the film was finished, Martin Freeman brought me a really nice gift. I brought him and everyone else a box of doughnuts to share.

We'd been filming at some strange location that was actually some kind of remote theatre camp. I kept walking in on two actors who were playing...Tom and Becky in Big River...or something? They were always talking in hush hush tones. I would retreat to a nearby hollow log that was actually the big industrial pipe in the woods in Stranger Things. (I watched two episodes of Stranger Things; I did not like it. FYI.) Anyway, while I was hiding, I could hear them talking about...hiding a dead body?! Towards the end of the dream, Goldfinger and another improv friend kept hearing them talking, too, but they pretended to be making out so that the murderers would think they weren't listening.

Not my weirdest dream, but...pretty darn weird.

Box Box Box

Well, the Seamstress is out for good. Pepper and I have been cleaning and redecorating up a storm, getting ready for our new roommate who's coming this week!

Because the Seamstress lived here for five-plus years, everything was set the way she liked it. Not that we had a problem with that, but it was very liberating once most of the furniture was gone and we realized we could basically do whatever we wanted with the space.

So far, the only big change we've made is cleaning out one of the storage areas. There were a lot of empty cardboard boxes in said storage area.

How many boxes, you ask?

Did I stutter?

Realish Life

Baby Brother has a new game called Tomadochi Life. My understanding is that it's like The Sims except more PG.

Here's how it works: Baby Brother creates Miis on his Nintendo 3DS and imports them into the game. Throughout the game, because Baby Brother is their creator, the Miis constantly ask him for advice and permission on whether to make friends, whom to date, how to propose, etc. They also ask him to give them food, clothes, and medicine; to watch them make funny faces or do impressions; and to send them into outer space. And I'm only scratching the surface: the game is pretty complex.

Baby Brother's Miis cover a wide range. He's created Miis of family members, Star Wars characters, Star vs. the Forces of Evil characters, Wreck-It Ralph characters, Series of Unfortunate Events Characters, and Professor Layton characters. Plus a third or so of the Miis are from Miraculous.

Miraculous is a show about a group of French teenagers who are all either superheroes or supervillains or both. Haha, you think I'm exaggerating, but haha, I'm not. The main supervillain has the power to turn ordinary citizens into supervillains, so every character on the show has been a villain at least once. The show mostly features Marinette, who is secretly the superhero Ladybug, and Adrien, who is secretly the superhero Cat Noir. These secrets are so secret that even though they are friends at school, they don't know the other is a superhero. Also, Adrien's father Gabriel is actually the main supervillain Hawkmoth, and Gabriel is so busy being a supervillain that he doesn't realize his mortal enemy is living in his same house until the end of the first season. Also, Marinette has a crush on Adrien, but he's not wholly interested because his little Cat Noir heart is taken with Ladybug who he doesn't know is Marinette's superhero alter ego. But Ladybug thinks Cat Noir is obnoxious in part because she keeps comparing him to the paragon of perfection who is Adrien who she doesn't know is Cat Noir's secret identity. Predictably, the show is a bucketful of drama but that's why it's interesting, and Baby Brother enjoys it. So he created quite a few Miis of the characters' citizen and superhero identities.

One of Baby Brother's Miis is me, Awkward Mormon Girl. Within a few days, I was one of the most popular Miis in the game. I had a bunch of friends, the highest charm ranking of all the female Miis, and a best friend—Adrien! What's more, my Mii and the Adrien Mii were ranked as the most compatible potential romantic pairing in the game! It seemed like only a matter of time before the Miis moved from being best friends and into the romantic territory.

That was kind of exciting, actually. It was fun to see my Mii being so successful, and hey! Adrien Agreste is a fictional character, but he's really nice and smart and such. The Awkward Mormon Girl Mii was doing pretty good for herself!

Then Adrien asked Baby Brother if he could confess his love to...Chloe. FYI, Chloe is a mean, mean bullying girl from Miraculous. That's right, folks. Even though Adrien had a best friend with whom he was 90-something% compatible, he was enamored with a self-absorbed girl whom he didn't know nearly as well.

That stung more than it should have. It hit a little too close to real life. Like, wow, not even a Mii of me can be romantically successful?!

However. This tale does have somewhat of a happy ending, because even though Adrien and Chloe started dating and got married and now have a kid together, in an ironic twist, Mii me started dating Cat Noir. They just got married, too.

Here are some other romantic entanglements of Baby Brother's Miis:

-Little Anakin Skywalker confessed his love to Ginger Cousin and got shot down. Then someone set him up with Vanellope von Schweetz, and now they're married.

-Little Sister is married to Master Fu (Marinette's mentor).

-Little Brother is dating Padme Amidala.

-Baby Sister has confessed her love to two or three different Miis and been shot down every time. Baby Brother even had to talk her out of confessing her love to Cat Noir while he was in a relationship!

-Hawkmoth confessed his love to Rena Rouge (another superhero) and got shot down.

To be clear, when the Miis get shot down, they get really. Really. Sad. Little Anakin was laying on the floor crying after Ginger Cousin rejected him. Hawkmoth was a little more composed, but he still had a personal rain cloud hovering over him.

Actually, I was confused about Rena Rouge's rejection of Hawkmoth because I was pretty sure that earlier she'd asked whether Baby Brother thought she and Hawkmoth would go well together.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I thought Rena Rouge was into Hawkmoth?

BABY BROTHER: She is. She's just being stupid.

That also hit close.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I see you've learned how real life works.

The Winter of My Discontent

This happened last year, too.

Mid-February, things warmed up. The sun came out, the coats came off. Spring seemed just minutes away.

Then, suddenly, it started snowing. A lot. Almost every day for a week or two. Straight into early March. Every time I drove somewhere, I was anxious about getting stuck in the snow.

I suspect I know why this is happening. It's because towards the end of February, people get worried that we didn't get enough snow for the winter. So they pray...really hard...for moisture. And then the heavens open, and snow, snow everywhere!

Far be it from me to tell people to stop praying. Especially because we do need the water. However, personally, part of me is convinced that I'd rather die of thirst than drive in the snow. Just saying.

A Different Approach

I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say, "You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else!"

Yes...but also no.

Maybe I'm just worse than everyone around me, but I'm extremely needy, and for months I haven't felt like I was in a good place. If I wait until I feel taken care of to help others, I won't ever offer anything to anyone else. I'll always have an excuse. So rather than focus on fixing my own despondency (which fixing usually leads to fixating and only makes things worse), I often try to seek healing by healing someone else.

Not a permanent fix, but it helps.

My Review of the All the Phase Two Marvel Movies

Again, my brothers (and sometimes dad) and I are watching all relevant Marvel movies before Infinity Wars is released. We just finished watching Phase Two. (Sadly, even though Big Hero 6 was released during Phase Two, it's not canonically significant, so we didn't watch that one. Though a small part of me thinks it would be hilarious if all Big Hero 6 characters were cartoonily CGIed into Infinity Wars.)

Here's what I thought of Phase Two.

Iron Man 3: A hot, nonsensical mess with a flimsy emotional base. +10 for the cute kid, the cool battle with the suits at the end, and the funny Bruce Banner cameo. -10 million for RESOLVING ALL THE PROBLEMS AT THE END OF THE MOVIE WITH A FEW LINES OF THROWAWAY DIALOGUE?!!

Thor: The Dark World: I don't understand why Iron Man's sequels are merely numbered while everyone else's sequels get subtitles. That being said, a better name for this movie would be Space Lord of the Rings. Although I get that Tolkien's stories were built heavily off of Norse, Saxon, and Welsh mythology, it's not great that I was able to crack some really on-point Lord of the Rings jokes the entire time. It showed that the movie was wanting originality. However, there are some cool moments. I really like Darcy and Ian the intern (and I'm sad that they've been outed from the MCU). But frankly, although there are significant improvements over Thor's first adventure, the whole thing is strongly tinged with boredom and confusion. And it ends with Thor thinking Loki is dead which, um, happened at the end of the first Thor movie...right? Either way, I still don't care very much about Thor or Loki.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier: I already gave a few thoughts on this movie, but I'm going to re-emphasize how needlessly violent it is. There's a scene of...ten minutes? twenty minutes? where Nick Fury takes machine-gunfire during a car chase. Sorry, but I wanted to see Captain America be adorable, not see Nick Fury get shot to pieces. Also, there is quite a bit of dragging. And so. Much. Broken glass!!! (The subtitle should more accurately be "Breaking Glass.") But we meet Falcon, who has grown on me a lot recently.

Guardians of the Galaxy: This was the second Marvel movie I saw in theaters. It represents a significant and welcome shift in Marvel movies: a commitment to cut back on the boring stuff and take themselves even less seriously than they already did. It's rougher and cruder than previous Marvel movies, but I think the characters are excellent and well-cast, and the space adventures are far more compelling than Thor's.

Avengers: Age of Ultron: This movie weighs itself down so unnecessarily. Ultron speaks in weird poetic phrases (I think the idea is that his speech patterns are canned from human culture, but it just kind of comes across like the studio could only afford a philosophy major to write the dialogue). Hawkeye is secretly married even though we all know that he loves Black Widow (I am still pretending this never happened). Black Widow believes she's as much of a monster as the Hulk because neither of them can have children (I don't think that's what they're trying to say, but it kind of comes across that way). The movie seems 50% longer than it actually is. But the Vision is pretty cool, and the Avengers finally acknowledge the existence of the infinity stones.

Ant-Man: I honestly believe this is one of the best Marvel movies. It's got good heart, it's sharp and fast-paced, and its characters are likable and relatable. It is similar to Guardians of the Galaxy and gives off a similar vibe, but it's able to play off criminal-turned-hero differently enough that it works.

Terrific Tribulations

Usually when I'm having a problem, I don't talk about it until it's resolved. Especially since so many of life's problems involve other people, and I want to avoid casting aspersions on others.

However, we're due for a blog post, and I can think of literally nothing but some problems I am having.

Please note that "terrific" can be either good or bad depending on how you interpret it, thus the blog post title. Because bad things can be good or bad. I mean, they're always bad...that's why they're bad things...and I personally hate hollow phrases like "Maybe this is for the best." I don't think that phrase has ever made anyone feel better ever, unless they're saying it to themselves in a desperate attempt to heal their shattered soul.

I do believe, however, that sometimes things go down right before they come up again.

This still stands.

So does this.

I did get some pretty unusual advice for this variation of interpersonal problems. It is as follows (worded as best as I can remember): "If in the past this kind of thing has happened before and you were the one to reach out to solve it, well this time, don't be that girl."

It's all in the Lord's hands now.