I've been thinking a lot lately about interpersonal relationships.
In most relationships, each person has some annoying or thoughtless things that they do. The other person puts up with these things they don't like (quirks) because of things that the person does that they do like (perks). (Although if they like the other person enough, sometimes the quirks actually become the perks.) I'm calling the system "(putting up with) quirks for perks."
Any thoughts on this?
Saturday, January 6, 2018
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Not Very Long Ago in a Galaxy That's Literally Right Here
Last year was Star Wars, pretty much.
I imagine at this point, some of you are thinking, "Oh, what did you think of the new Star Wars movie, Awkward Mormon Girl?" My response to that is that I'm not a huge Star Wars person so maybe my opinion doesn't matter that much, but first of all I dislike the entire premise of the new series. It was a pretty weak writing choice to return everything to the status quo of Episode IV, in my (and Baby Brother's) opinion. Second of all, there better be a reason why we were forced to watch Rey snap her fingers at her own reflection for a million minutes, or else I'm gonna be real annoyed. But I digress.
Look, Star Wars is all about bringing balance to the Force. 2017 brought balance to the Force...my personal Force, anyway. While some years are mostly good and some years are mostly bad, if we separated out the good and the bad of my 2017, I suspect that it would boil down to the equivalent of six months of bliss and six months of ghastly horrors.
I imagine that at this point, some of you are thinking, "What bliss? All we heard about all year was the migraines and the Achilles tendons and the closing Chinese buffets."
Hmmm, yes. Well, in the interest of transparency, there were a few months in there where I was blissfully happy...I just didn't share because I tend to keep my happiness to myself for as long as possible. I'm really private that way. And even in the middle of the migraines and the Achilles tendons and the closing Chinese buffets, there was some pretty amazing stuff. I just wasn't as focused on it because I'm a human, and humans are the worst.
In short, what I'm trying to say is that 2017 was a year of balance. The dark side and the light side offset each other nicely, and we didn't even have to kill all the Padawans to achieve that.
Goodbye, 2017. Welcome, 2018! Bring it on.
(But seriously...why doesn't anyone tell Rey that blue lightsaber she's using killed a bunch of younglings? Doesn't anyone think that's important for her to know? This is why Star Wars is not my jam.)
I imagine at this point, some of you are thinking, "Oh, what did you think of the new Star Wars movie, Awkward Mormon Girl?" My response to that is that I'm not a huge Star Wars person so maybe my opinion doesn't matter that much, but first of all I dislike the entire premise of the new series. It was a pretty weak writing choice to return everything to the status quo of Episode IV, in my (and Baby Brother's) opinion. Second of all, there better be a reason why we were forced to watch Rey snap her fingers at her own reflection for a million minutes, or else I'm gonna be real annoyed. But I digress.
Look, Star Wars is all about bringing balance to the Force. 2017 brought balance to the Force...my personal Force, anyway. While some years are mostly good and some years are mostly bad, if we separated out the good and the bad of my 2017, I suspect that it would boil down to the equivalent of six months of bliss and six months of ghastly horrors.
I imagine that at this point, some of you are thinking, "What bliss? All we heard about all year was the migraines and the Achilles tendons and the closing Chinese buffets."
Hmmm, yes. Well, in the interest of transparency, there were a few months in there where I was blissfully happy...I just didn't share because I tend to keep my happiness to myself for as long as possible. I'm really private that way. And even in the middle of the migraines and the Achilles tendons and the closing Chinese buffets, there was some pretty amazing stuff. I just wasn't as focused on it because I'm a human, and humans are the worst.
In short, what I'm trying to say is that 2017 was a year of balance. The dark side and the light side offset each other nicely, and we didn't even have to kill all the Padawans to achieve that.
Goodbye, 2017. Welcome, 2018! Bring it on.
(But seriously...why doesn't anyone tell Rey that blue lightsaber she's using killed a bunch of younglings? Doesn't anyone think that's important for her to know? This is why Star Wars is not my jam.)
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Last Post of the Year
This year I:
-Didn't travel anywhere! (Except to Arizona...post about that still forthcoming.)
-Didn't accomplish anything! (Except becoming Relief Society president, but that's not really an accomplishment. Oh, and I met Elijah Wood and Jess Harnell. And I NaNoWriMoed up a storm. Okay, I accomplished some things.)
Stay tuned for an upcoming post where I review 2017 in more detail and while possibly referencing Star Wars!
-Didn't travel anywhere! (Except to Arizona...post about that still forthcoming.)
-Didn't accomplish anything! (Except becoming Relief Society president, but that's not really an accomplishment. Oh, and I met Elijah Wood and Jess Harnell. And I NaNoWriMoed up a storm. Okay, I accomplished some things.)
Stay tuned for an upcoming post where I review 2017 in more detail and while possibly referencing Star Wars!
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Another Yuletide Over
Guess what? I Christmassed again this year!
Christmas version 2017 included such traditional delights as:
-Lunch with sisters! The weather was pretty bad, so we ended up at the same restaurant we lunched at last year. Which is against the Little Sisters' Annual Christmas Eve Lunch rules, but we already broke the rules by letting Older Sister come last year and this year (since she no longer lives in town and we don't see her much). Plus Baby Sister wasn't here, so we just broke rules all over the place like a slap in the face of the tradition founders. Who are us. So we basically slapped our own faces. Ouch.
-Christmas Eve dinner with my mom's family! Each family unit exchanged small gifts and Christmas cards before dinner started. This year, I got a lot of chocolate and some popcorn and my own personal bottle of Martinelli's. I loved that, but it was a little awkward to be given my own gifts because, being unmarried, I don't consider myself to be my own family unit, so I didn't bring anything for everyone else. I just piggybacked on my parents' gifts. Someday, though. (Fingers crossed.)
-Presentation of the nativity story! The older cousins round up the little cousins and persuade them to dress up as sheep or shepherds or wisemen. This year, Dino Cousin's mom encouraged Dino Cousin (who is four years old) to join the nativity. We asked Dino Cousin what she wanted to be: a sheep or a shepherd or a wiseman? Without batting an eye, Dino Cousin said, "Jesus." We always have the newest baby or a doll play Baby Jesus, but we weren't about to refuse Dino Cousin, so we said okay. When Dino Cousin's mom came to the rehearsal area, she asked Dino Cousin who she was going to be. Dino Cousin promptly said, "Jesus Christ." It was equally adorable and amusing.
(P.S. If you ever wonder why I have such a prodigious amount of cousins, it's because not only do I have quite a few first cousins, I also know many of my parents' cousins (my first cousins once removed), their kids (my second cousins), my first cousins' kids (also my first cousins once removed), and my second cousins' kids (my second cousins once removed). Many of us see each other regularly.)
-A slideshow review of the year! There are ~five pictures of each extended family member in the slideshow, and since the family keeps growing, the show just keeps getting longer and longer. (Re: prodigious amount of cousins.)
-Waking up really early on Christmas morning and annoying our parents! We then gather in a line (age order, youngest to oldest; this year Mr. Little Sister was between me and Little Sister) and rush into the living room to open our presents from Santa and each other. (Yes, we all still get presents from Santa. Santa is legit, and no one will ever convince me not to believe in him.)
We also had a few novelties this year:
-Christmas Eve was on a Sunday, something that hasn't happened for years. The Little Sisters' Annual Christmas Eve Lunch was therefore held on the 23rd and not the 24th. (P.S. I found out that Valiant and her six sisters all get lunch together on Christmas Eve, too! How interesting.) My ward had one hour of church in the morning combined with some other wards in the stake. The program was mostly music, which was lovely. I sat with Best Friend Boy. He got a real kick out of trying to predict what Christmas hymn we'd be singing next.
-We got to talk to Baby Sister. (Most of the time, missionaries call home only on Christmas Day and Mother's Day.) She's a cutie patootie. Even though her mission is English-speaking, she's learning some Marshallese because of the area in which she's serving. She told us that she was the happiest she's ever been.
All in all, a good day during a good season. Now on to the new year.
Christmas version 2017 included such traditional delights as:
-Lunch with sisters! The weather was pretty bad, so we ended up at the same restaurant we lunched at last year. Which is against the Little Sisters' Annual Christmas Eve Lunch rules, but we already broke the rules by letting Older Sister come last year and this year (since she no longer lives in town and we don't see her much). Plus Baby Sister wasn't here, so we just broke rules all over the place like a slap in the face of the tradition founders. Who are us. So we basically slapped our own faces. Ouch.
-Christmas Eve dinner with my mom's family! Each family unit exchanged small gifts and Christmas cards before dinner started. This year, I got a lot of chocolate and some popcorn and my own personal bottle of Martinelli's. I loved that, but it was a little awkward to be given my own gifts because, being unmarried, I don't consider myself to be my own family unit, so I didn't bring anything for everyone else. I just piggybacked on my parents' gifts. Someday, though. (Fingers crossed.)
-Presentation of the nativity story! The older cousins round up the little cousins and persuade them to dress up as sheep or shepherds or wisemen. This year, Dino Cousin's mom encouraged Dino Cousin (who is four years old) to join the nativity. We asked Dino Cousin what she wanted to be: a sheep or a shepherd or a wiseman? Without batting an eye, Dino Cousin said, "Jesus." We always have the newest baby or a doll play Baby Jesus, but we weren't about to refuse Dino Cousin, so we said okay. When Dino Cousin's mom came to the rehearsal area, she asked Dino Cousin who she was going to be. Dino Cousin promptly said, "Jesus Christ." It was equally adorable and amusing.
(P.S. If you ever wonder why I have such a prodigious amount of cousins, it's because not only do I have quite a few first cousins, I also know many of my parents' cousins (my first cousins once removed), their kids (my second cousins), my first cousins' kids (also my first cousins once removed), and my second cousins' kids (my second cousins once removed). Many of us see each other regularly.)
-A slideshow review of the year! There are ~five pictures of each extended family member in the slideshow, and since the family keeps growing, the show just keeps getting longer and longer. (Re: prodigious amount of cousins.)
-Waking up really early on Christmas morning and annoying our parents! We then gather in a line (age order, youngest to oldest; this year Mr. Little Sister was between me and Little Sister) and rush into the living room to open our presents from Santa and each other. (Yes, we all still get presents from Santa. Santa is legit, and no one will ever convince me not to believe in him.)
We also had a few novelties this year:
-Christmas Eve was on a Sunday, something that hasn't happened for years. The Little Sisters' Annual Christmas Eve Lunch was therefore held on the 23rd and not the 24th. (P.S. I found out that Valiant and her six sisters all get lunch together on Christmas Eve, too! How interesting.) My ward had one hour of church in the morning combined with some other wards in the stake. The program was mostly music, which was lovely. I sat with Best Friend Boy. He got a real kick out of trying to predict what Christmas hymn we'd be singing next.
-We got to talk to Baby Sister. (Most of the time, missionaries call home only on Christmas Day and Mother's Day.) She's a cutie patootie. Even though her mission is English-speaking, she's learning some Marshallese because of the area in which she's serving. She told us that she was the happiest she's ever been.
All in all, a good day during a good season. Now on to the new year.
Saturday, December 23, 2017
Heavenly Father Must Really Love Me
I have a penchant for waxing philosophical. But tonight, my goal is to avoid too much of a philosophical waxing. Instead, Imma tell you about some things that I noticed this month.
Life this year has been almost exactly 50% wonderful and 50% disappointing and discouraging. Rarely have I had such a centrifugal year. On an note that's seemingly unrelated, a few weeks ago I went to a ward activity (as Relief Society presidents are wont to do). In attendance was a certain sister who, by her own admission, doesn't come to ward activities very often although she frequently attends church meetings. This sister and I both got a ride to the activity location from another sister in our ward, Sophie.
Sophie is a sterling human who is a good example for everyone. In what was perhaps her only lapse of judgment ever, earlier this year she purchased an electric car, not realizing that it could only be started by a key fob and that there was no physical key as a backup.
Well, it just so happened that when we arrived at Sophie's car, her key fob was not working. It was unable to communicate with her electric car, effectively locking us out in the cold.
This sister who rarely comes to ward activities exclaimed that she had the exact same model of car as Sophie. She taught Sophie a trick that would open the car door. However, even though we were able to get inside the car, it still wouldn't start.
I was sitting there, silently praying. No one from our ward had parked near us, and even if they had it would be a major inconvenience to leave Sophie's car in the lot and try to catch rides with others. I'm sure Sophie was praying, too.
But then the other sister said that she knew what the problem was. She said that Sophie's key fob was probably out of batteries, and she suggested that she switch the battery in her own key fob with Sophie's battery. Sure enough, it worked. AND what's more, the sister insisted that Sophie just keep the battery because the sister had a spare at home.
On the way home, Sophie marveled about how incredible it was that this sister who happened to have the exact same car as her had ended up driving with her. The other sister agreed and mentioned that she'd felt strongly that she should come to this activity, even though she never comes to activities.
"Heavenly Father must really love me," concluded Sophie.
That was really humbling to me, because while I was grateful that a solution had presented itself, I was more exhausted that a problem had arisen in the first place. But in Sophie's eyes, the death of the key fob battery was not a problem so much as it was a blessing—because, she said, if the battery had died in any other circumstance, she wouldn't have known what the problem or had an inkling of how to solve it.
Later in the month, the daily Light the World theme was centered on comforting those who were grieving. The church's website suggested reaching out to a person who had recently lost someone for the day's act of service.
To me, that was too specific. I knew a few people who'd lost someone over the past year or so but not recently enough that reaching out would be appropriate. I didn't want to dredge up painful memories for seemingly no reason.
That night at institute, I remembered that the daughter of one of the teachers had passed away just days before. Although I didn't know her super well, the unfortunate circumstances of her passing depressed me. I decided to mention to the teacher that I'd been acquainted with his daughter and tell him I was sorry for his loss.
This man broke into a joyful smile and asked how I'd known his daughter. His seeming acceptance of her death helped me feel better about the situation, too, and his positive attitude inspired me. He actually acted like I'd done him a favor by bringing her up!
Everything worked out so well, that I felt pretty good. Like...you know...Heavenly Father must really love me.
One last thing. Even later in the month, I was at Target (as I frequently am), this time with my mom. We were walking near the clothing aisles when a high, inarticulate little voice said, "Would you like a rose?"
I looked down to see the cutest little toddler in the cutest little dress, holding out a pink rose.
I reached to accept the rose, then paused. Where were this kid's parents? Where did she get the roses? Oh, there they were, holding even more roses.
Quickly, I put two and two together: this was the family's Light the World service for the day. And what a cute service it was! I happily accepted the rose.
Ain't it pretty? Made my night. Let's say it in chorus: Heavenly Father must really love me.
Life this year has been almost exactly 50% wonderful and 50% disappointing and discouraging. Rarely have I had such a centrifugal year. On an note that's seemingly unrelated, a few weeks ago I went to a ward activity (as Relief Society presidents are wont to do). In attendance was a certain sister who, by her own admission, doesn't come to ward activities very often although she frequently attends church meetings. This sister and I both got a ride to the activity location from another sister in our ward, Sophie.
Sophie is a sterling human who is a good example for everyone. In what was perhaps her only lapse of judgment ever, earlier this year she purchased an electric car, not realizing that it could only be started by a key fob and that there was no physical key as a backup.
Well, it just so happened that when we arrived at Sophie's car, her key fob was not working. It was unable to communicate with her electric car, effectively locking us out in the cold.
This sister who rarely comes to ward activities exclaimed that she had the exact same model of car as Sophie. She taught Sophie a trick that would open the car door. However, even though we were able to get inside the car, it still wouldn't start.
I was sitting there, silently praying. No one from our ward had parked near us, and even if they had it would be a major inconvenience to leave Sophie's car in the lot and try to catch rides with others. I'm sure Sophie was praying, too.
But then the other sister said that she knew what the problem was. She said that Sophie's key fob was probably out of batteries, and she suggested that she switch the battery in her own key fob with Sophie's battery. Sure enough, it worked. AND what's more, the sister insisted that Sophie just keep the battery because the sister had a spare at home.
On the way home, Sophie marveled about how incredible it was that this sister who happened to have the exact same car as her had ended up driving with her. The other sister agreed and mentioned that she'd felt strongly that she should come to this activity, even though she never comes to activities.
"Heavenly Father must really love me," concluded Sophie.
That was really humbling to me, because while I was grateful that a solution had presented itself, I was more exhausted that a problem had arisen in the first place. But in Sophie's eyes, the death of the key fob battery was not a problem so much as it was a blessing—because, she said, if the battery had died in any other circumstance, she wouldn't have known what the problem or had an inkling of how to solve it.
Later in the month, the daily Light the World theme was centered on comforting those who were grieving. The church's website suggested reaching out to a person who had recently lost someone for the day's act of service.
To me, that was too specific. I knew a few people who'd lost someone over the past year or so but not recently enough that reaching out would be appropriate. I didn't want to dredge up painful memories for seemingly no reason.
That night at institute, I remembered that the daughter of one of the teachers had passed away just days before. Although I didn't know her super well, the unfortunate circumstances of her passing depressed me. I decided to mention to the teacher that I'd been acquainted with his daughter and tell him I was sorry for his loss.
This man broke into a joyful smile and asked how I'd known his daughter. His seeming acceptance of her death helped me feel better about the situation, too, and his positive attitude inspired me. He actually acted like I'd done him a favor by bringing her up!
Everything worked out so well, that I felt pretty good. Like...you know...Heavenly Father must really love me.
One last thing. Even later in the month, I was at Target (as I frequently am), this time with my mom. We were walking near the clothing aisles when a high, inarticulate little voice said, "Would you like a rose?"
I looked down to see the cutest little toddler in the cutest little dress, holding out a pink rose.
I reached to accept the rose, then paused. Where were this kid's parents? Where did she get the roses? Oh, there they were, holding even more roses.
Quickly, I put two and two together: this was the family's Light the World service for the day. And what a cute service it was! I happily accepted the rose.
Friday, December 22, 2017
Festival of Lights
As you know if you've been reading this blog for a while, the Obnoxious family observes some of the aspects of Hanukkah every year.
Just as non-Christians can celebrate the hope, light, life, love, peace, and goodwill of Christmastime without being believers, I would think that non-Jews can celebrate parts of Hanukkah without being believers (though I may be wrong, but so far, no Jews have told me otherwise). Especially since, unlike Christmas, Hanukkah isn't actually a major holiday. Or so I hear. Anyway, religiously speaking, we're not Jewish, so we always try to keep our celebration respectful and appropriate i.e. not do anything religious that would be a mockery to those who actually practice Judaism.
The big differences between Hanukkah last year and Hanukkah this year were a) we all bought matching Hanukkah sweaters earlier this year and b) Mr. Little Sister is now an official part of the family.
Last year, Mr. Little Sister got waaaaay into Hanukkah. He told Little Sister that he wants to celebrate it with their future children and suggested buying a menorah. Little Sister talked him out of the menorah idea (re: celebrating Hanukkah in a respectful and non-religious way), but that hasn't kept him from embracing his new Jewish heritage. He was very excited for Hanukkah this year. He and Little Sister bought a chocolate dreidel at some kind of arts festival they attended a few weeks ago, and he also picked out a dessert called "jujus" for the party "because we're Jew-Jews!"
Rosebud and Mr. Rosebud also came to the party last year and also got way into it, so they requested to be invited this year. Plus Little Brother got way into challah bread last year, and he has since mastered delicious homemade challah.
Alongside the challah, we enjoyed brisket, latkes, applesauce, and a chocolate bundt cake that wasn't bad for a bundt cake. We did not enjoy the jujus as they were kind of awful. We also played dreidel for prizes: caramels, chocolates, plastic instruments left over from the year before, sticky dinosaurs, and Star Wars and Christmas Peanuts pencils. Then Little Brother led us in some Jewish dances that he choreographed on the spot and made us listen to his favorite Jewish song, "Hava Nagila," over and over.
So it was a pretty good time. While it made me miss Older Sister and Baby Sister, it made me incredibly grateful for a wonderful family with a strong heritage. And I can't wait until we're all together for Christmas! (Older Sister will be here, and we'll be able to talk with Baby Sister on Skype.)
Just as non-Christians can celebrate the hope, light, life, love, peace, and goodwill of Christmastime without being believers, I would think that non-Jews can celebrate parts of Hanukkah without being believers (though I may be wrong, but so far, no Jews have told me otherwise). Especially since, unlike Christmas, Hanukkah isn't actually a major holiday. Or so I hear. Anyway, religiously speaking, we're not Jewish, so we always try to keep our celebration respectful and appropriate i.e. not do anything religious that would be a mockery to those who actually practice Judaism.
The big differences between Hanukkah last year and Hanukkah this year were a) we all bought matching Hanukkah sweaters earlier this year and b) Mr. Little Sister is now an official part of the family.
Last year, Mr. Little Sister got waaaaay into Hanukkah. He told Little Sister that he wants to celebrate it with their future children and suggested buying a menorah. Little Sister talked him out of the menorah idea (re: celebrating Hanukkah in a respectful and non-religious way), but that hasn't kept him from embracing his new Jewish heritage. He was very excited for Hanukkah this year. He and Little Sister bought a chocolate dreidel at some kind of arts festival they attended a few weeks ago, and he also picked out a dessert called "jujus" for the party "because we're Jew-Jews!"
Rosebud and Mr. Rosebud also came to the party last year and also got way into it, so they requested to be invited this year. Plus Little Brother got way into challah bread last year, and he has since mastered delicious homemade challah.
Alongside the challah, we enjoyed brisket, latkes, applesauce, and a chocolate bundt cake that wasn't bad for a bundt cake. We did not enjoy the jujus as they were kind of awful. We also played dreidel for prizes: caramels, chocolates, plastic instruments left over from the year before, sticky dinosaurs, and Star Wars and Christmas Peanuts pencils. Then Little Brother led us in some Jewish dances that he choreographed on the spot and made us listen to his favorite Jewish song, "Hava Nagila," over and over.
So it was a pretty good time. While it made me miss Older Sister and Baby Sister, it made me incredibly grateful for a wonderful family with a strong heritage. And I can't wait until we're all together for Christmas! (Older Sister will be here, and we'll be able to talk with Baby Sister on Skype.)
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
Weirdest Christmas Movie Ever
Actually, I'm not even sure this is a Christmas movie.
The movie starts on Groundhog Day, and a weirdly large percentage of it takes place during the spring. And of the part that does take place during the winter, only like five minutes are during actual Christmas. (But about half of those five minutes are a musical number, which is legit. More about the musical number later.)
But either way, this movie is so good that it's bad. Or so bad that it's good? Let me put it this way: For what this movie is trying to do, it does a spectacular job. One just can't help wonder at some points during the movie whether what's being done should have been done at all.
I'm talking about the one, the only, Rankin/Bass production of Jack Frost.
Yes, Jack Frost. It stars Robert Morse (I really like him), Buddy Hackett (you know him as Scuttle the seagull), and Paul Frees (who did all kinds of animated things but especially other obscure Rankin/Bass productions like The Return of the King and The Last Unicorn) plus a lot of other people that I don't know much about.
The premise of the movie is that Jack Frost loves bringing joy to humans but is sad that he's not one of them. One day, (invisible) Jack Frost is hanging out with this nice but kind of spacey girl, Elisa. Elisa is from January Junction (which is a cool name), a town that appears to be in Russia since the currency there is called kopecks and both Elisa's parents have Russian accents even though she has an American accent. Elisa's parents are like "Blah blah blah find a boyfriend!" and Elisa is like "Jack Frost is my boyfriend, lol." Jack doesn't understand Elisa's spacey probably-Russian human girl humor, so he assumes that she's totes serious and makes a deal with Father Winter. Father Winter promises him that he can be a human if he gets a house, a horse, a bag of gold, and a wife before winter is over.
And so Jack literally falls from the sky as a human and is all confused when Elisa doesn't know who he is (dude, you were invisible before). However, Elisa tells him that he seems familiar. Then Father Winter, realizing that Jack is way too guileless and inexperienced to handle the situation, sends Jack's friends (Who are named Snip and Holly. Snip is like Father Winter's personal assistant or something, and Holly is a snow gypsy. Don't know what a snow gypsy is? Neither does anyone else, so.) earth-side to help him out.
Before I go any further, I should tell you that Elisa's family has no money. Literally none. There's a scene earlier in the movie where Kubla Kraus (more on him later) steals the family's only kopeck even though apparently a kopeck is far less than a penny. Elisa's family also raises pumpkins for a living, and despite being in abject poverty they for some reason keep a pet dog and a pet...duck?! I don't know what the duck is doing there. Especially since the duck actually flies, which must be a pain to animate in stop-motion. In any case, the fact that they have a duck is later a very shoehorned plot point, soooooo yeah.
Anyway, Elisa and her Russian-accented parents tell Jack Frost and his friends that they can live with them and their dog and their duck. Jack Frost is all, "Oh no, I must have my own house!" ('cause Father Winter said so), but they explain to him that there are no houses because there are no building materials and also there is no money because NOBODY IN JANUARY JUNCTION HAS ANY MONEY AT ALL. Well, except for money made out of icicles. That's right—the folks of January Junction saw icicles into little icicle coins that they then use to buy stuff from each other all winter long. While this is a wildly flawed plan that would result in a lot of inflation, they seem happy with it. However, the prevalence of currency made out of ice means that there's no bag of gold for Jack, even if he does some real good tailoring (he decides to pretend to be a tailor). And there are no horses either, because apparently nobody can buy horses in January Junction, even if they're icicle-rich.
Undaunted, Jack decides to...well...actually...I don't think he really does anything. He just hangs around January Junction, running a tailor shop out of Elisa's parents' house even though nobody in town actually seems able to afford clothes. Well, and he gets to know Elisa, I guess. She obviously likes him, but she friend-zones him pretty hard. In part because...well. There actually is one person in town who can afford clothes.
His name is Sir Ravenal Rightfellow (not that I knew it off the top of my head; I had to look it up because honestly Sir Ravenous Righteousface is the least interesting part of the movie). He's a knight. He has a really, really square jaw and a suit of golden armor (when people are starving for want of money, no less). And, in case you can't tell, I don't really like him. Which is ironic, considering the voice actor also played Pippin in the Rankin-Bass The Return of the King, and I am obsessed with that version of Pippin. But I am not obsessed with Sir Rightwing Raven. At least, not in a good way. He's nice enough, but he's also the most bland person you can think of, while Jack is wholly delightful and endearing. What's wrong with you, Elisa?!
However, the real villain of this piece (at least that's what they want you to think) is Kubla Kraus. While everyone in January Junction is living in, like, the 1500s, Kubla Kraus is living a steampunk existence. He has a steampunk butler, a steampunk horse, and a host of steampunk knights (pronounced keh-nights; I don't know either). Also, Kubla Kraus (who, like Elisa's parents, has a Russian accent) has a metal ventriloquist's dummy named Dommy. He uses Dommy to talk...to himself. For purposes of exposition, I guess. (P. S. Dommy has a Russian accent, too.) In any case, Kubla explains to Dommy that he wants to marry Elisa 'cause she's pretty. Dommy thinks that this is a bad plan because "she doesn't like you," but Kubla disagrees.
Anyway, Christmas comes, and it turns out that January Junction's icicle money is GOOD FOR NOTHING because even though there's an endless supply of icicles, no one can afford Christmas presents. Or something? It's unclear, but in any case, NO ONE in the entire town gives gifts to each other for the holiday. Instead, they pass around an empty box and take turns opening it and pretending there's a Christmas present inside. This is what the musical number is about, and it's actually extremely charming. They all pantomime what they're taking out of the box and say, "It's just what I've always wanted!" And they do this. Completely. Seriously. It's not self-conscious at all. (But even though Elisa's family and Jack give imaginary presents to each other, they don't give anything to Holly and Snip, which seems like a particular egregious oversight since...they're imaginary... But that's neither here nor there.)
Then Sir Robin Wright Penn gives Elisa a box and says (kind of snotty), "It's a real present." And what did this super-rich guy—who literally wears armor made out of gold—get for this girl who's so humble that she's content with imaginary gifts and so poor that she doesn't even have a change of clothes? A rose. A stinking rose. And, okay, I guess it's kind of romantic if you like that stuff—but when her basic needs aren't being met, it just seems kind of rude to give her something that might not even last overnight. You know?
Oh yeah; there is a second part of the gift. He invites her to a ball that night (which begs the question where the heck the ball is being held). Does she go with him? It's unclear, because later that night she's kidnapped by Kubla and Dommy in a back alley. It's looking like Elisa may never see her family or friends again, except. The family duck is in the woods visiting relatives (yes, this actually happens) and sees Kubla dragging Elisa away on his steampunk horse. So the duck flies home and tells everyone (they all speak duck I guess?) that Elisa's been kidnapped, and Jack and his friends and Sir Raving Rye Bread come to save the day.
Long story short, Sir Ravenclaw Rice Paper saves Elisa but accidentally leaves Jack, Holly, and Snip behind. Kubla throws them all in the dungeon and, being super angry, decides that he wants to destroy January Junction.
Jack is understandably upset, so he tries to "whistle up a winter wind," to stop Kubla in his tracks, but he's human, and he can't do it. So he pleads with Father Winter to let him become a winter spirit again so that he can stop Kubla. Father Winter agrees, and Jack, Holly, and Snip all return to the winter kingdom while Jack brews up quite the storm.
He's successful, he keeps Kubla barricaded in his castle until spring, la de da. But now Elisa is worried because what happened to Jack Snip?! Sir Ravishing Ryan Gosling is kind of annoyed that she's not paying attention to him (he was injured or something when they rescued her; I don't remember or care). In any case, he tells (tells) her that once he's recovered, they'll marry in the spring. Boo.
Back home, Jack's freaking out because once the snow melts, what's going to keep Kubla from destroying January Junction? But Father Winter tells him that there's nothing they can do because once the groundhog decides it's spring, it's spring. Sooooo Jack finds Buddy Hackett the groundhog, who apparently gets to make this momentous spring decision for the entire world (by the way, there are television crews videoing the groundhog, so now the time period of this movie is even more unclear than before). Anyway, even though he's a disembodied spirit, Jack casts a shadow on the ground that sends the groundhog back into hiding, buying six more weeks of winter to save January Junction (and to prevent Elisa from marrying Sir Ravioli Right to Know, although he's not aware of that).
Right before spring finally arrives, Father Winter allows Jack to return to human form and still try to get his house, gold, horse, and wife. First, though, Jack defeats Kubla Kraus and then Father Winter blows the tyrant far, far away, leaving Jack to take possession of the castle, a bag of gold, and the steampunk horse. He hurries back to January Junction, only to find out that Elisa (who finally got a change of clothes) is about to marry Sir Raven-Symoné Writing Desk. Jack, confused, tells Elisa's father that he thought Elisa loved him. Elisa's father, also confused, says that he knew that Elisa loved Jack Frost—"but no, I never heard her say that she loved you, Jack Snip."
UGH.
Just then, spring arrives, and Jack Frost turns back into a spirit. And at this point, you realize that all along, you were actually watching The Little Mermaid, and Hans Christian Anderson is rolling over in his grave so many times that he could win a tumbling competition.
The End!
(But seriously, if you can think of a weirder Christmas movie, I'd be interested in hearing about it.)
The movie starts on Groundhog Day, and a weirdly large percentage of it takes place during the spring. And of the part that does take place during the winter, only like five minutes are during actual Christmas. (But about half of those five minutes are a musical number, which is legit. More about the musical number later.)
But either way, this movie is so good that it's bad. Or so bad that it's good? Let me put it this way: For what this movie is trying to do, it does a spectacular job. One just can't help wonder at some points during the movie whether what's being done should have been done at all.
I'm talking about the one, the only, Rankin/Bass production of Jack Frost.
Yes, Jack Frost. It stars Robert Morse (I really like him), Buddy Hackett (you know him as Scuttle the seagull), and Paul Frees (who did all kinds of animated things but especially other obscure Rankin/Bass productions like The Return of the King and The Last Unicorn) plus a lot of other people that I don't know much about.
The premise of the movie is that Jack Frost loves bringing joy to humans but is sad that he's not one of them. One day, (invisible) Jack Frost is hanging out with this nice but kind of spacey girl, Elisa. Elisa is from January Junction (which is a cool name), a town that appears to be in Russia since the currency there is called kopecks and both Elisa's parents have Russian accents even though she has an American accent. Elisa's parents are like "Blah blah blah find a boyfriend!" and Elisa is like "Jack Frost is my boyfriend, lol." Jack doesn't understand Elisa's spacey probably-Russian human girl humor, so he assumes that she's totes serious and makes a deal with Father Winter. Father Winter promises him that he can be a human if he gets a house, a horse, a bag of gold, and a wife before winter is over.
And so Jack literally falls from the sky as a human and is all confused when Elisa doesn't know who he is (dude, you were invisible before). However, Elisa tells him that he seems familiar. Then Father Winter, realizing that Jack is way too guileless and inexperienced to handle the situation, sends Jack's friends (Who are named Snip and Holly. Snip is like Father Winter's personal assistant or something, and Holly is a snow gypsy. Don't know what a snow gypsy is? Neither does anyone else, so.) earth-side to help him out.
Before I go any further, I should tell you that Elisa's family has no money. Literally none. There's a scene earlier in the movie where Kubla Kraus (more on him later) steals the family's only kopeck even though apparently a kopeck is far less than a penny. Elisa's family also raises pumpkins for a living, and despite being in abject poverty they for some reason keep a pet dog and a pet...duck?! I don't know what the duck is doing there. Especially since the duck actually flies, which must be a pain to animate in stop-motion. In any case, the fact that they have a duck is later a very shoehorned plot point, soooooo yeah.
Anyway, Elisa and her Russian-accented parents tell Jack Frost and his friends that they can live with them and their dog and their duck. Jack Frost is all, "Oh no, I must have my own house!" ('cause Father Winter said so), but they explain to him that there are no houses because there are no building materials and also there is no money because NOBODY IN JANUARY JUNCTION HAS ANY MONEY AT ALL. Well, except for money made out of icicles. That's right—the folks of January Junction saw icicles into little icicle coins that they then use to buy stuff from each other all winter long. While this is a wildly flawed plan that would result in a lot of inflation, they seem happy with it. However, the prevalence of currency made out of ice means that there's no bag of gold for Jack, even if he does some real good tailoring (he decides to pretend to be a tailor). And there are no horses either, because apparently nobody can buy horses in January Junction, even if they're icicle-rich.
Undaunted, Jack decides to...well...actually...I don't think he really does anything. He just hangs around January Junction, running a tailor shop out of Elisa's parents' house even though nobody in town actually seems able to afford clothes. Well, and he gets to know Elisa, I guess. She obviously likes him, but she friend-zones him pretty hard. In part because...well. There actually is one person in town who can afford clothes.
His name is Sir Ravenal Rightfellow (not that I knew it off the top of my head; I had to look it up because honestly Sir Ravenous Righteousface is the least interesting part of the movie). He's a knight. He has a really, really square jaw and a suit of golden armor (when people are starving for want of money, no less). And, in case you can't tell, I don't really like him. Which is ironic, considering the voice actor also played Pippin in the Rankin-Bass The Return of the King, and I am obsessed with that version of Pippin. But I am not obsessed with Sir Rightwing Raven. At least, not in a good way. He's nice enough, but he's also the most bland person you can think of, while Jack is wholly delightful and endearing. What's wrong with you, Elisa?!
However, the real villain of this piece (at least that's what they want you to think) is Kubla Kraus. While everyone in January Junction is living in, like, the 1500s, Kubla Kraus is living a steampunk existence. He has a steampunk butler, a steampunk horse, and a host of steampunk knights (pronounced keh-nights; I don't know either). Also, Kubla Kraus (who, like Elisa's parents, has a Russian accent) has a metal ventriloquist's dummy named Dommy. He uses Dommy to talk...to himself. For purposes of exposition, I guess. (P. S. Dommy has a Russian accent, too.) In any case, Kubla explains to Dommy that he wants to marry Elisa 'cause she's pretty. Dommy thinks that this is a bad plan because "she doesn't like you," but Kubla disagrees.
Anyway, Christmas comes, and it turns out that January Junction's icicle money is GOOD FOR NOTHING because even though there's an endless supply of icicles, no one can afford Christmas presents. Or something? It's unclear, but in any case, NO ONE in the entire town gives gifts to each other for the holiday. Instead, they pass around an empty box and take turns opening it and pretending there's a Christmas present inside. This is what the musical number is about, and it's actually extremely charming. They all pantomime what they're taking out of the box and say, "It's just what I've always wanted!" And they do this. Completely. Seriously. It's not self-conscious at all. (But even though Elisa's family and Jack give imaginary presents to each other, they don't give anything to Holly and Snip, which seems like a particular egregious oversight since...they're imaginary... But that's neither here nor there.)
Then Sir Robin Wright Penn gives Elisa a box and says (kind of snotty), "It's a real present." And what did this super-rich guy—who literally wears armor made out of gold—get for this girl who's so humble that she's content with imaginary gifts and so poor that she doesn't even have a change of clothes? A rose. A stinking rose. And, okay, I guess it's kind of romantic if you like that stuff—but when her basic needs aren't being met, it just seems kind of rude to give her something that might not even last overnight. You know?
Oh yeah; there is a second part of the gift. He invites her to a ball that night (which begs the question where the heck the ball is being held). Does she go with him? It's unclear, because later that night she's kidnapped by Kubla and Dommy in a back alley. It's looking like Elisa may never see her family or friends again, except. The family duck is in the woods visiting relatives (yes, this actually happens) and sees Kubla dragging Elisa away on his steampunk horse. So the duck flies home and tells everyone (they all speak duck I guess?) that Elisa's been kidnapped, and Jack and his friends and Sir Raving Rye Bread come to save the day.
Long story short, Sir Ravenclaw Rice Paper saves Elisa but accidentally leaves Jack, Holly, and Snip behind. Kubla throws them all in the dungeon and, being super angry, decides that he wants to destroy January Junction.
Jack is understandably upset, so he tries to "whistle up a winter wind," to stop Kubla in his tracks, but he's human, and he can't do it. So he pleads with Father Winter to let him become a winter spirit again so that he can stop Kubla. Father Winter agrees, and Jack, Holly, and Snip all return to the winter kingdom while Jack brews up quite the storm.
He's successful, he keeps Kubla barricaded in his castle until spring, la de da. But now Elisa is worried because what happened to Jack Snip?! Sir Ravishing Ryan Gosling is kind of annoyed that she's not paying attention to him (he was injured or something when they rescued her; I don't remember or care). In any case, he tells (tells) her that once he's recovered, they'll marry in the spring. Boo.
Back home, Jack's freaking out because once the snow melts, what's going to keep Kubla from destroying January Junction? But Father Winter tells him that there's nothing they can do because once the groundhog decides it's spring, it's spring. Sooooo Jack finds Buddy Hackett the groundhog, who apparently gets to make this momentous spring decision for the entire world (by the way, there are television crews videoing the groundhog, so now the time period of this movie is even more unclear than before). Anyway, even though he's a disembodied spirit, Jack casts a shadow on the ground that sends the groundhog back into hiding, buying six more weeks of winter to save January Junction (and to prevent Elisa from marrying Sir Ravioli Right to Know, although he's not aware of that).
Right before spring finally arrives, Father Winter allows Jack to return to human form and still try to get his house, gold, horse, and wife. First, though, Jack defeats Kubla Kraus and then Father Winter blows the tyrant far, far away, leaving Jack to take possession of the castle, a bag of gold, and the steampunk horse. He hurries back to January Junction, only to find out that Elisa (who finally got a change of clothes) is about to marry Sir Raven-Symoné Writing Desk. Jack, confused, tells Elisa's father that he thought Elisa loved him. Elisa's father, also confused, says that he knew that Elisa loved Jack Frost—"but no, I never heard her say that she loved you, Jack Snip."
UGH.
Just then, spring arrives, and Jack Frost turns back into a spirit. And at this point, you realize that all along, you were actually watching The Little Mermaid, and Hans Christian Anderson is rolling over in his grave so many times that he could win a tumbling competition.
The End!
(But seriously, if you can think of a weirder Christmas movie, I'd be interested in hearing about it.)
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