My First Kiss Didn't Go Like This

I waited a really long time to tell this story.

It's a story of teenage mishap featuring the Chess Master. It involves dating, which I try not to talk about much on this blog. It just doesn't seem very nice to do so. However—this story is now over ten years old, plus the Chess Master is married with a kid, so it no longer seems mean-spirited to share it.

After a lot of fumbling through email, the Chess Master asked me to go with him to prom. It was the first date for both of us, so neither of knew at all what we were doing. Through more email fumbling, plans were made, plans which involved dinner and dance tickets and a fuchsia dress.

Neither of us had a driver's license. No matter. His parents would drive us.

The Chess Master was the son of one of my former teachers. She was a nice lady, but she was intense. The Chess Master was the youngest in the family, so she and her husband especially doted on him. They were very involved parents, in both good ways and bad.

I didn't mind that the Chess Master's parents drove us, but I didn't know what to say around them. Truthfully, I didn't know what to say around the Chess Master, either. We were friends but not really. Any chances we had to truly get to know each other were thwarted by the fact that we'd decided early on we liked each other. At least, I think that's what happened. I never received any true confirmation that he ever had a crush on me. I just know that I had a crush on him.

Anyway. We didn't know each other. I had not yet learned to talk to people I didn't know or any people, really. We spent a lot of time in silence during dinner...on the drive to the dance...during the dance...and on the drive home.

Oh, the drive home. During said drive, the Chess Master's mother started talking about kissing. I couldn't tell you quite how. I was staring out the window, looking at billboards in the dark, while the Chess Master chatted aimlessly with his mom. He must have said something quite correct to her, for she said something like, "Good job, Chess Master. You win a prize, and that prize is a kiss."

I kept my eyes on the billboard. Just that morning, the fact that I didn't know the Chess Master very well had hit home hard, and I was questioning all of my feelings for him. Even if I hadn't been, I was not interested in being kissed on the first date much less my first date ever. I was too young for that!

The Chess Master's mom backtracked. "A kiss from me! And your dad. And your sister. And the dog."

Yeah, whatever, lady. I said nothing. It didn't even occur to me that I should say something. (I have only just recently realized how socially inept I was as a teenager. I'm mostly better now. Though in some ways, I really haven't improved.)

Eventually, the super chatty parents dropped us off and told us they'd circle around the block. Um...okay.

The Chess Master walked me to the door. Except...my memory is a bit hazy here, but I'm pretty sure he didn't even make it up on the porch. I think he stayed on the lawn. Perhaps he'd realized how much I didn't want to be kissed. Which is commendable, but it didn't require him to stay ten feet away from me.

We awkwardly said goodnight, and I went inside and shut the door behind me. My mom inquired after the dance, and I explained that the Chess Master was waiting outside for his parents to pick him up.

"Well, you should ask him to come in!"

I cracked open the door. "Chess Master, did you want to come in while you wait?"

He said no, no, and then his parents showed up, and so the night ended with me dodging my first kiss.

In Which I Break Up

A few times over the last few years, I've joked that even though I don't have a boyfriend, I'm in a long-term relationship with this blog.

Well.

Well...

The blog and I are breaking up.

When I started the blog, it had a clear purpose. As my life has gotten more complicated, that purpose has been muddied somewhat. Don't get me wrong; I've enjoyed the journey. It's just that after five and a half years, I'm losing track of all I truly wanted to say.

I was planning to start phasing the blog out this year, but then I felt like I shouldn't. Since then, I've been wondering what it is that I should do.

The answer came in an unexpected form: President Nelson has received revelation that it's time for us to stop using the term "Mormon" to refer to ourselves. I've never loved the term, since it's originally a slur and also an inaccurate way to define what I believe, but since that's what most call us, the Church has tried to reclaim the term and proudly own it.

Well, no more. From now on, we refer to ourselves as "Mormons" no longer. We're going to start being sticklers for the proper terms: "member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" or "Latter-day Saints."

I think this is great. However, "Awkward Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Girl" isn't exactly catchy. So I'm taking it as a sign that it's a good time to lay aside this blog. The last post will be September 22nd. (If there's anything anyone would really like me to write about between now and then, I'm taking ideas.)

I don't think I'm going to quit blogging; I think I will probably eventually start a new blog that will be a sequel of sorts. But I'm still thinking about it, especially because I don't want it to be just the same as this one. I want it to have all the good parts of this blog but be even better. (I'm taking ideas for that, too.)

Are You Ron Weasley?

Tomorrow is Harry's birthday, and I already have a Harry Potter-related post lined up. But as I was thinking of what to write today, another Harry Potter topic came to mind. So you're getting twice the Harry Potter for the same price! (Which is free. It's all free. But...you know.)

A year ago, someone told me that as they were re-reading the Harry Potter books, they found they were disliking Ron more and more. This person starting listing all the actions and traits of Ronald Bilius Weasley that they disliked. As I listened, I was amused and amazed. Because goldarn it if the actions weren't things that this same person had done and if the traits weren't ones that this same person shared.

I think that people can't appreciate Ron if they don't believe in redemption. Ron reminds us of all the thoughtless things we've done to people or that they've done to us, so it's easy to just say he's a jerk and be done with it. To see Ron clearly, you have to measure him not by what he failed to do for Harry (and Hermione) but by what he did do for Harry (and Hermione). He would do anything for them, and he pretty darned well did. It's not just lip service when during the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Ron is the "thing Harry would miss most."

"But Ron screwed up!" Yeah. Ron screwed up. So what? Are you really going to say that a lifetime of loyalty and love and friendship means nothing because of a few bumps? Please note that every time Ron screws up, he admits his mistakes and tries harder and does better. Ron gets the second chances we all wish we could have, and he doesn't take them for granted. We should all want to be more like Ron.

Of course, you can't be Ron if the people in your life aren't Harrys and Hermiones. In a word: forgiving. Most people are, though. Most people don't want to throw cherished relationships away with both hands, and they're more likely to greet you as a prodigal than they are to cast you aside.

If you feel like a Ron right now—if you hurt someone and regret it and want a second (pr third or fourth or fifth) chance, try to get one. Tell the person that you hurt that you're a Ron. I mean, don't tell literally them that. (Unless the person is me. I'll understand what you mean.) But tell them that you did something stupid and you're sorry and you want to try again. You'll have to humble yourself first. Do it anyway.

And always remember:

"Dumbledore knew what he was doing when he gave me the Deluminator, didn’t he? He—well," Ron’s ears turned bright red and he became engrossed in a tuft of grass at his feet, which he prodded with his toe, "he must’ve known I’d run out on you."

"No," Harry corrected him. "He must’ve known you’d always want to come back."

Ever Onward

We're celebrating Pioneer Day (aka the Twenty-Fourth of July) a little early around here. The Hometown annual carnival was yesterday and today because weekend. We enjoyed the works: the fried bread, the fishing pond, and the erstwhile photo booth.

We also went to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's Pioneer Day concert. The stars were Matthew Morrison and Laura Michelle Kelly, both of whom I saw in Finding Neverland on Broadway. Also, since the concert focused on the works of Rodgers and Hammerstein, Oscar Hammerstein's grandson was there to narrate. I was skeptical of his presence at first, but he was actually really, really good at narrating.

The concert kicked off with more traditional Pioneer Day fare, including one of my favorite hymns, "Come Come Ye Saints." A couple of lines hit me hard tonight: "Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard? 'Tis not so; all is right."

I'm guilty of thinking my lot is hard. Which, honestly, it kinda is. Remember how I was rereading The Work and the Glory? I think one of the purposes of a story like that is to lead you down the path of, "Oh my gosh, the pioneers had it so rough! I could never do that!"

I'll level with you, though—except for the parts involving snow and frostbite (which many a pioneer didn't have to deal with), coming West sounds like something I totally could have done. I'd be tired, yes, and uncertain, and I'd probably experience some fear and anxiety over not knowing exactly what was in store for me. But it would be a delight to be given a task so cut-and-dry: Take this wagon. Go West until you reach the Salt Lake Valley. No matter how tedious that would get or how hot the sun would beat or how much my feet would hurt, it sounds so much easier than what I'm facing now.

If I were a wagon-toting pioneer, I wouldn't have to try to figure out my career. I wouldn't have to figure out where God wants me. I wouldn't have to strain under the struggle of trying to make time for family, friends, work, church callings, and me time. I possibly wouldn't have to worry about boys in any form at all; I would be too busy staying alive to care about confusing men who say one thing but do other things that don't match their words at all. I'd keep my eye on the western horizon and keep moving toward it, and with that sure direction I wouldn't feel so rudderless and discouraged.

But pioneerdom didn't happen for me. Either I wouldn't have been as good at pioneering as I think I would be or God had something else in mind. Sometimes that's hard to swallow. But as Matthew Morrison and Laura Michelle Kelly and Oscar Hammerstein III pointed out during the concert, difficult things usually aren't as difficult as they appear to be, and even if they are, they can be persevered through.

The Genesis of Awkward Mormon Girl

The first time I asked a guy out, he made an anonymous (or so he thought) post on the Internet complaining about how awkward I was. At the time, the word did not have the connotations of vague charm that it does today. It was completely derogatory.

At first, I was in denial: "I'm not awkward!" Eventually, I admitted it: "I am kind of awkward!" But that didn't take away the pain and embarrassment I felt when I initially saw that post. For years I lived in dread of people thinking I was awkward in a non-charming way. When I started this blog, I claimed the label and made it my own so no one could ever hurt me with it again. Since I already publicly call myself awkward, it's effectively been stripped of its usefulness as an insult.

You might think that the guy who made that anonymous post is a real jerkwad. Well, his behavior was real jerkwad behavior, but he is actually not a real jerkwad. I later found out that he was afraid of being alone forever, so he would do things to hurt other people, subconsciously ensuring that he would be alone forever. Yet he was otherwise a lovely person, and we're wonderful friends now that the days of jerkwad behavior are in the past.

People act oddly when fear takes control. Sometimes they go to ridiculous lengths to prove themselves. Sometimes they go overboard trying to ensure their fear never comes to pass, and sometimes they panic and do the exact thing that will expose them to what they're afraid of. (Anakin Skywalker anyone? All of these apply to Anakin.)

Once a friend and I were talking about a time when they treated me in a less-than-desirable fashion. The person admitted that they'd tried to keep me at arm's length because they were worried that if they gave me a chance to vocalize my feelings, I would choose to end the friendship. To recap: they feared losing my friendship, so they treated me poorly to keep me distant enough that I wouldn't be able to tell them I wanted to end the friendship. Upon hearing this, I was astounded.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Uhhhh...

FRIEND (anguished) I know.

Anyway, kids, let's stop making decisions based on fear. Let's not live our lives in such a way that all is structured around avoiding pain. Or in other words: DON'T BE ANAKIN SKYWALKER!

Gut-Spilling Syndrome (the Anti-Blogging Blog Post)

When something really hurts me, I don't like to share it. When something is really important to me, I don't like to talk about it. Such tendencies are difficult when you run a blog.

The source of my blog material is my life. If I don't share, I have no blog. I've had to get used to sharing some of my thoughts and feelings, although some things are always off the table (you'll never hear my actual political views unless you ask). The problem is, though, once you get used to sharing, it's tempting to treat the entire Internet like your diary. I call this Gut-Spilling Syndrome, and it's an issue.

Case in point: relationships. I've seen some blogger peeps spill intimate deets about their interpersonal relationships all over the web. If the other person in the relationship assents, then there's not really anything ethically wrong with that. But. The relationship really isn't just between you and this other person anymore. It's kind of between you, the person, and anyone who reads about it. And make no mistake—these relationship interlopers will give you their opinions whether you want them or not.

Several years ago, I saw one blogger couple share some pretty tender stuff about their marriage. Their blog audience took that as an opportunity to tell the couple about the flaws they perceived in the relationship. I read through the comments: very nosy, very over-reaching to the point of being horrifying. I thought people were trying too hard to armchair diagnose these people they'd never even met. Later, the couple decided to separate, and in their blog, they parroted language similar to the the comments folks had made years earlier.

Were the commenters clairvoyants who highlighted issues the couple refused to acknowledge before? Or did their words get inside the couple's heads, sowing doubt and raising questions about the solidity of their marriage? Either is possible, but no matter what actually happened, the bloggers spilled their guts to strangers and...pardon my language...prostituted their relationship repeatedly to milk content for the blog.

Don't get me wrong: I think there's a place for going authentic and personal in this medium. I just don't think it's appropriate or useful to treat a blog as a sort of diary and commenters as therapists, though. I just don't.

My Review of All Phase Three Marvel Movies So Far

After I got my appendix out, Favorite Cousin texted me and informed that I must have angered the Marvel gods by saying that I don't like Winter Soldier.

My response? Maybe. But obviously the Marvel gods were appeased by the sacrifice of my appendix, because during my surgery, Robert Downey Jr. announced that Avengers: Infinity War was going to be released a week earlier than planned.

The crowds went wild! And by crowds, I mean Baby Brother. Though it doesn't take much for him to get wild about Marvel movies. He texts me about Avengers: Infinity War almost every day. 

All Phase Three movies that have come out so far share a common quirk: they all seem more like they're building up to Avengers: Infinity War than being a complete movie. Like, the entire phase is just working itself up to one big payoff. Which I guess is all a series ever does. But still. Part of me feels like I've somehow been cheated because I had to watch six mostly unrelated movies just to be able to watch one action-adventure flick. The other part of me enjoyed the journey too much to care.

Without further ado, and before Avengers: Infinity War arrives on the scene, here are my reviews of Phase Three (so far).

Captain America: Civil War: Okay, I loved this movie a lot. It whetted my appetite for Infinity War because it proved that the Marvel peeps can handle a huge ensemble with a deft hand. Everyone got a good moment. Jokes were made. Cool fights were had. Water trucks were thrown. This movie is super long, but it doesn't feel long. Even if it did, it's worth sitting through just for that airport scene.

My only real complaint about this movie? The central conflict wasn't resolved by the end of the movie. And Captain America can't stop being Captain America! That's not okay! (All right, that's two real complaints, I guess.)

Also, Cap was right about everything. Tony was wrong. His motives were good, but he was wrong. Don't fight me on this. I am prepared to defend myself. #teamcap

Doctor Strange: So the first time I watched this movie, I was underwhelmed. Dr. Strange's character evolution was not convincing. I didn't believe that he was willing to sacrifice himself for all of humanity because he didn't seem to have grown that much. On a second viewing, though, I realized that everything in the movie pointed to him not actually changing but just transferring his arrogance to his magic. He sacrifices himself for all of humanity because he believes he's the only one who can, not because of humility. Was he wrong? No, I guess not, but he's still kind of a jerkface. Maybe someday he'll learn. Maybe.

The movie had a bit of a spiritual bent, which I enjoyed. Though I'm still confused about why they can do magic without the sling rings but they can't cross dimensions without them.

Completely unsubstantiated criticisms: footage of car accident and surgeries was gross and disturbing. Car accidents scare me. I do not like medical stuff. My mom does like medical stuff. She enjoyed this movie when we forced her to watch it with us last month. She also commented on how realistic Dr. Strange's arrogance was.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: The first Guardians of the Galaxy pushed the definition of a superhero movie a bit. They cast a comedian in the lead role, had a cast of seemingly underwhelming characters, and added unparalleled amounts of crassness and schmaltz (and 80s references). The product was unusual—but people loved it. So for the second go-round, I guess they decided to do what they'd done before, just with more. More crassness! More schmaltz! More 80s references! Were they successful?

(Full disclosure: I saw this movie immediately after a sort-of breakup; I cried on the easy chair for half an hour and then took my brothers to the theatre. So that incident might be coloring my perception, but frankly I think that the answer to the question "Were they successful?" is a resounding) NO! This time, they hit too many wrong notes. I was embarrassed by the overabundance of sex jokes, particularly since I was watching with my teenage brothers. The plot was too predictable. Good things included: the opening sequence. Mantis and Drax's weird interactions. Peter and Gamora's weird interactions. Yondu's character arch. Digging deep into Rocket's issues. But everything else was the worst.

P.S. Am I the only life form on this planet who doesn't like Groot?

Spider-man: Homecoming: I thought this movie was pretty close to perfect. Tom Holland's version of Peter Parker is adorable. I was having all of the protective big sister feels about him. Also, the movie actually managed to somehow be a superhero movie while accurately capturing the reality of being a teenager: Weird unspoken romantic connections. Going on that long-anticipated date and being awkward as all get-out. Worrying about what your crush's dad thinks of you. Not ending up with your romantic interest at the end of the adventure.

Thor: Ragnarok: My feedback about the first two Thor movies was mostly that they were boring and took themselves too seriously, but that Darcy was pretty cool. This movie has no Darcy (boo) and no Jane (meh). But everything else got better (yay)! The characters were better. More characters and settings were added. Everyone stopped taking themselves so darn seriously. Like, the whole movie just exuded fun. I could tell everyone was having a good time. Of course, there was a split second at the end of the movie where it was unclear whether Loki was still alive. Because it's not a Thor movie if Loki doesn't die at the end.

Black Panther: I honestly was not sure what to expect from this movie. It definitely didn't feel like a superhero movie. It was good, though. Like Doctor Strange, it got pretty spiritual (although it didn't ever quite get into magic). It also got pretty political. Civil War was kind of pseudo-political, but there were no pseudo-politics in Black Panther, just real ones. However, it wasn't so political that I hated it, and I thought that, like in Civil War, they did a good job of balancing two schools of thought.

Now let's talk about the best part of the movie: Princess Shuri. I loved her. She's great. I just want her and Peter Parker to meet and be friends forever.

In Which My Mad Internet Sleuthing Skillz Come in Handy

I was scrolling through Twitter when I saw a photograph from an article in a local paper.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I know those people!!!

That's what I exclaimed, though it technically wasn't true. I only knew one of the people. Which also technically wasn't true. I didn't know him...I'd just Internet stalked him.

Let me explain. A few years ago, I regularly read an anonymous LDS dating blog. I was curious about the authors, so I did some Internet sleuthing on one of them. And let me tell you, I gots some mad Internet sleuthing skillz. I figured out this girl's true identity, and I figured out the identity of her most infamous ex-boyfriend.

I won't explain what made him so infamous, but suffice it to say that after the blog author broke up with him, she mentioned that he married a teenager. (Which, come to think of it, may be enough in itself to cause infamy. But I digress.) I found this man and his teenage bride on Facebook, and sometimes when I'm bored I look in on them.

Anyway. They were in the paper. And apparently I've stalked them enough times that I recognized them immediately. So coooooool.

Realish Life

Baby Brother has a new game called Tomadochi Life. My understanding is that it's like The Sims except more PG.

Here's how it works: Baby Brother creates Miis on his Nintendo 3DS and imports them into the game. Throughout the game, because Baby Brother is their creator, the Miis constantly ask him for advice and permission on whether to make friends, whom to date, how to propose, etc. They also ask him to give them food, clothes, and medicine; to watch them make funny faces or do impressions; and to send them into outer space. And I'm only scratching the surface: the game is pretty complex.

Baby Brother's Miis cover a wide range. He's created Miis of family members, Star Wars characters, Star vs. the Forces of Evil characters, Wreck-It Ralph characters, Series of Unfortunate Events Characters, and Professor Layton characters. Plus a third or so of the Miis are from Miraculous.

Miraculous is a show about a group of French teenagers who are all either superheroes or supervillains or both. Haha, you think I'm exaggerating, but haha, I'm not. The main supervillain has the power to turn ordinary citizens into supervillains, so every character on the show has been a villain at least once. The show mostly features Marinette, who is secretly the superhero Ladybug, and Adrien, who is secretly the superhero Cat Noir. These secrets are so secret that even though they are friends at school, they don't know the other is a superhero. Also, Adrien's father Gabriel is actually the main supervillain Hawkmoth, and Gabriel is so busy being a supervillain that he doesn't realize his mortal enemy is living in his same house until the end of the first season. Also, Marinette has a crush on Adrien, but he's not wholly interested because his little Cat Noir heart is taken with Ladybug who he doesn't know is Marinette's superhero alter ego. But Ladybug thinks Cat Noir is obnoxious in part because she keeps comparing him to the paragon of perfection who is Adrien who she doesn't know is Cat Noir's secret identity. Predictably, the show is a bucketful of drama but that's why it's interesting, and Baby Brother enjoys it. So he created quite a few Miis of the characters' citizen and superhero identities.

One of Baby Brother's Miis is me, Awkward Mormon Girl. Within a few days, I was one of the most popular Miis in the game. I had a bunch of friends, the highest charm ranking of all the female Miis, and a best friend—Adrien! What's more, my Mii and the Adrien Mii were ranked as the most compatible potential romantic pairing in the game! It seemed like only a matter of time before the Miis moved from being best friends and into the romantic territory.

That was kind of exciting, actually. It was fun to see my Mii being so successful, and hey! Adrien Agreste is a fictional character, but he's really nice and smart and such. The Awkward Mormon Girl Mii was doing pretty good for herself!

Then Adrien asked Baby Brother if he could confess his love to...Chloe. FYI, Chloe is a mean, mean bullying girl from Miraculous. That's right, folks. Even though Adrien had a best friend with whom he was 90-something% compatible, he was enamored with a self-absorbed girl whom he didn't know nearly as well.

That stung more than it should have. It hit a little too close to real life. Like, wow, not even a Mii of me can be romantically successful?!

However. This tale does have somewhat of a happy ending, because even though Adrien and Chloe started dating and got married and now have a kid together, in an ironic twist, Mii me started dating Cat Noir. They just got married, too.

Here are some other romantic entanglements of Baby Brother's Miis:

-Little Anakin Skywalker confessed his love to Ginger Cousin and got shot down. Then someone set him up with Vanellope von Schweetz, and now they're married.

-Little Sister is married to Master Fu (Marinette's mentor).

-Little Brother is dating Padme Amidala.

-Baby Sister has confessed her love to two or three different Miis and been shot down every time. Baby Brother even had to talk her out of confessing her love to Cat Noir while he was in a relationship!

-Hawkmoth confessed his love to Rena Rouge (another superhero) and got shot down.

To be clear, when the Miis get shot down, they get really. Really. Sad. Little Anakin was laying on the floor crying after Ginger Cousin rejected him. Hawkmoth was a little more composed, but he still had a personal rain cloud hovering over him.

Actually, I was confused about Rena Rouge's rejection of Hawkmoth because I was pretty sure that earlier she'd asked whether Baby Brother thought she and Hawkmoth would go well together.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I thought Rena Rouge was into Hawkmoth?

BABY BROTHER: She is. She's just being stupid.

That also hit close.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I see you've learned how real life works.

At the Polls

I'm noticing that more and more people are conducting polls on Facebook, Instagram stories, and Twitter. Sometimes I think they're genuinely trying to crowdsource their decisions...but more often, I think it's just for fun.

A previous blog I created on Blogger (before Blogger became the armpit of the Internet) had a little poll widget on it. I'd ask random questions, such as "What boy should I have a crush on?" (Yup...I was a teenager...don't judge too harshly.)

I don't think Blogger's capable of handling poll widgets anymore (RIP Blogger's usefulness). But just for fun, shall we have a poll? We shall. We shall be meta and have a poll about polls.

The poll is: Which of the following polls would you be most likely to participate in?

A) A poll asking who Awkward Mormon Girl should date (for old times's sake)

B) A poll asking where Awkward Mormon Girl should travel (I actually would like this advice)

C) A poll asking when Ask Awkward Mormon Girl should be a thing again (it's overdue)

D) A poll asking which Harry Potter character is actually the worst (because I am constantly stymied by the number of people who think Ron is the worst character when clearly it's Snape)

Be an American and vote!

Random Updates

What's new with me? Not a ton. But there's a lot new with almost everyone else. So...

The Seamstress is getting married. Obviously this is a good thing, but because of this everything is slowly being moved out of the apartment. Like the piano. And the TV. And the things we sit on. Also, it's been a while (think over three years) since we've had any turnover in this home, so that's a little jarring. But it's grand for the Seamstress to get to move on to the other parts of life.

Flower Child is also getting married.

So is Valiant.

Little Sister and Mr. Little Sister went to New York to visit Older Sister a few weeks ago. Not long before that, Rosebud and her husband were in New York. When they returned, Rosebud said to Little Sister, "Oh hey, there's this Jim Henson exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image you might like..." And Little Sister was all, "YEAH I KNOW." Because the exhibit finally opened in summer 2017. And Little Sister got to go this month, and she geeked out a ton on Instagram, videoing the Cantus and Gobo puppets and the like. She brought us back nice Fraggle souvenirs, too.

Baby Sister is still loving the mish. Here's a recent email snippet that I found particularly amusing: 

Little Brother is starting to scare me on account of his Disney collection (which was augmented with the Robin Hood display piece over Christmas).

EARTHQUAKE HAZARD. BEAUTIFUL EARTHQUAKE HAZARD.

Quirks for Perks

I've been thinking a lot lately about interpersonal relationships.

In most relationships, each person has some annoying or thoughtless things that they do. The other person puts up with these things they don't like (quirks) because of things that the person does that they do like (perks). (Although if they like the other person enough, sometimes the quirks actually become the perks.) I'm calling the system "(putting up with) quirks for perks."

Any thoughts on this?

My Tenth Stitch Fix Experience

So winter happened, and when winter happened I discovered that I basically didn't have any warm winter shirts that aren't sweaters.

First off, a disclaimer: I love sweaters. I have a small department store's worth of them. But they're darned hard to care for. I figured I needed some easier winter shirts.

Thus I scheduled a Fix (my tenth!) and dashed off a note to Jessica V, explaining that I needed warm winter shirts (that weren't blouses or sweaters) and warm winter dresses, too.

I experienced an avalanche of delight when I opened my Fix and found not one but two bundles of clothes. Better yet, they were wrapped in special holiday wrap!!!

Instead of taking one picture of each bundle, I took two pictures of the same one...IDK.

Then I experienced an avalanche of shock as soon as I opened my stylist's note.

Hi Awkward Mormon Girl, Jessica is not available to style this Fix, but I took extra time today to review your Style Profile and Fix History to get familiar with your style!

Jessica V "is not available?" Then who the flip are you??? (Further perusal showed that this stylist goes by the sketchy alias of "Jill.")

Thank you for leaving a request for warm winter tops and dresses...we've got you covered! I started with the legging-like Liverpool skinny jeans.

Wait...jeans? I'm not really in the market for jeans, girlfriend. I replaced literally all of my old jeans earlier this year.

The inseam should be perfect! Pair the jeans with the burgundy knit top for a cute and casual style. I also added the cozy pullover sweater. It's sure to keep you warm on the colder days ahead.

What did I say about sweaters, Jill? Hmm? I said, "No sweaters!" I'm pretty sure I said those literal exact words, except without the exclamation point. Because using an exclamation point would be rude.

I hope you love the Marc New York Puffer Coat. Both the quality and craftsmanship are top-notch! Enjoy exploring these new arrivals. And as always, please leave feedback. Happy Fix Day :) Your stylist, Jill

Whoa, Jill. Whoa. Whoa. You're not "my stylist," okay? Jessica V is my stylist. You're just filling in while she's gone.

(Also, Jill, you're supposed to end a Fix note in an XO, not a smiley face. Geez.)

Most of the trying-on process was just me having an internal dialogue with Jill. Like so:

Liverpool Elizabeth Super Skinny Jean: "I don't need jeggings, Jill." (In spite of the name, these pants are totally jeggings and not real jeans.) *as I'm sliding the pants on* "Do not want, do not need—oh my gosh, these are so comfy."

I feel like this happens every time Stitch Fix sends me jeans, buuuuut...Verdict: Keep.

Dual Nature Celeste Knit Top: I was actually very pleased with this top. This is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping to get in my Fix, and I didn't direct any irate comments towards Jill while I was trying it on. I recently bought myself a jumper, and I tried the top with the jumper to see if it worked. (I love that about Stitch Fix.) Verdict: Keep.

Le Lis Kano Textured Knit Dress: I liked the look of the dress, but I was irritated that it was short-sleeved. "I said warm dresses, Jill! What part of  'warm' do you not understand—" *tries on dress* "—wow, this really is warm." Sure enough, despite being a winter dress with no actual sleeves (?!), it was quite warm, looked lovely beneath a cardigan, and actually fell below my knees. Verdict: Keep.

I wasn't sure what to think about the last two items.

Evolution by Cyrus Yvonna Mock Neck Pullover Sweater: "I said no sweaters!"

The sweater looked all right on me, but besides being a sweater and not what I desired, it was reeeaaally staticky. It clung to my hair like a crazy hair-clinging thing.

Marc New York Risor Quilted Puffer Coat: "Jill! My style profile says no coats! I don't need a coat; I already have a perfectly good coat." *tries on coat* "Wow, this looks really good on me...especially the color..."

In all honesty, my puffy winter coat is actually pretty old and ugly; I'm just adverse to spending money on a new coat when I have one that's serviceable enough. Plus the coat was (I thought) way too expensive.

When faced with such decisions, I do what any sensible girl would do and text my mom and sisters, asking whether they thought I should buy the coat. If I did, then I would need to buy the sweater as well (since buying all five items and getting a discount was less money than buying the four items I really liked).

I got mixed feedback, but my mom was the one with the strongest opinion (and the most difficult phone to text on).

Mom: Static can be managed with fabric softener sheets. YOU Can Use More PANTS dear. And a cute coat. You need to spend some on yourself. You are such a great saver but you are only young and cute once. I don't tell the others to buy more clothes but you need them.

With that kind of endorsement, I decided to go ahead and buy everything.

(P. S. I also sent a picture to see what they thought of the top-and-jumper combo.

Mom: The jumper is cute with that top. GOOD color on you.love you

I thought that it worked. Older Sister thought that it didn't. Little Sister seemingly abstained. What do y'all think?)

Anyway, in closing, I guess that Jill did an all right job and that I can grudgingly like her and not feel super disloyal to Jessica V. Although...now that I think of it...Jessica V was the one who abandoned me, not the other way round! So I shouldn't feel guilty about having a fling with Jill, right? I think? The ethics of client-stylist relationships are a little unclear to me.

If you've got a hankering to make Jessica V or Jill or some other hapless person pick out a bunch of clothes for you, go ahead and sign up for Stitch Fix using this here referral link! You get a Fix, and I get $25 in credit. It's fun for everyone.

The Not-So-Cute Meet Cute

Just so you know, I met a Canadian today.

Not what I want to talk about, though.

As you may have inferred, I'm working on a writing project related to Verona. Thus today I was sitting at a poolside, meeting a Canadian, and reading the scene in Romeo and Juliet where the teenage lovers meet. As a bit of research, that is.

That's how I discovered something shocking: the meeting of arguably the most famous couple in literature is not cute.

See, Romeo sees Juliet from across the room. He asks a servant who she is, comments on her super hot appearance, and then walks up to her and starts talking about kissing. And then they kiss. And then they discover that their parents hate each other forever.

Contrast that to how I met a Canadian today. This middle-aged Canadian woman and I met at the pool. She offered me a place at her table. I asked her where she was from. She said Canada. She asked me where I was from. I said Utah. I said I was attending a family event, and she said she was visiting friends. Then we didn't talk anymore.

That meeting is probably cuter than Romeo and Juliet's meeting. Just saying.

P. S. I'm in Arizona.

How to Not Be Awkward Around Girls

A blogger I've been reading does "search string" posts. On Blogger, there's a report that shows the search terms that lead readers to the blog. This blogger writes posts about those search terms so that everyone who comes to her blog can find value.

Interestingly, the search term that most often leader people to my blog is "recycling jokes". So there's that. But a recent term that someone used to find my blog is "how not to be awkward around girls".

How to not be awkward around girls? Hmm. Well, if that's what bringing people to my blog, then I suppose I should try to provide an answer.

(It seems fair to assume that the searcher was most likely a teenage boy, so I shall hereafter refer to the searcher as "dude".)

Dude, here's my advice to you (cliché though it may sound): If you're awkward, just be awkward. You're probably not as awkward as you think you are. Even if you are as awkward as you think you are, most girls are not going to be as judgmental of your awkwardness as you are. The right girl might even think it's cute.

Hope that helps!

The Dream

For some girls, the dream is that she'll meet a guy somewhere. Instantly, sparks will fly. Instantly, there will be a connection. Later, he'll say that she was the prettiest girl he ever saw. They'll go on a date and know right away that they want to be together. Things will move quickly and soon they'll be married and blah, blah, blahbbity blahbbity blah.

If that dream is your dream, I don't mean to diss your dream by blah, blah blahbbity blahbbity blahing all over it. It's a lovely dream, after a fashion. It's just one that I don't understand.

I recently realized that I, too, have a dream. This is how it goes: I meet someone, and he doesn't like me like that. Not at all. Maybe he's just into some other girl, or maybe he doesn't care for my weird and obnoxious personality. That's okay with me, because I don't like him either. I may feel drawn to him, but only because I find him rather annoying. Eventually, we become friends. And then, a long time after that—probably a few years later—we decide to try dating, and because we're such good friends, things go well, and it becomes obvious that we would feel like we were missing out if we didn't marry each other.

Dream #2 here seems far more realistic than Dream #1. At least, I always thought so. But the older I get, the more it seems that almost everyone else is looking for—and then actually living—Dream #1.

I keep thinking I'll change my mind, but so far, I just haven't been able to work up any enthusiasm for Dream #1.

My Ninth Stitch Fix Experience

It's that time again: the time where I Stitch a Fix!

That sounded much better in my head.

Anywho. When we last left off, my favorite jeans had just met their demise, and so I'd tasked Jessica V with finding me a new pair. Jessica V definitely delivered, but shortly thereafter my other jeans began to wear out, too. So once again I sent to the mythical Stitch Fix warehouse in California and asked them to send me some new jeans. Kind of like an arranged marriage. (Let's be real—if Jessica V could match-make for me as well as she chooses clothes for me, my dating life would probably have more momentum.) I also asked for some short-sleeved tops that didn't have to be layered. 

Here's the pretty sight I encountered when I pulled my bundle from the Stitch Fix box:

And here's what Jess-Jess said:

Hi Awkward Mormon Girl!

So far so good.

I hope you are having a great summer now that it's officially here!

When you work a full-time job, my friend, summer is never here.

Thanks for updating your Pinterest board a bit, it was great to see what new styles you are loving. I really liked the capris that you pinned and I was bummed that I didn't have them available to send.

Whoa, whoa. Capris? I really, really dislike capris. Did I pin capris? I hope not. If I did, it must have been a momentary lapse in judgment.

So instead I thought you might like the Just Black jeans in this nice lighter wash. Great for casual weekend wear or wearing to work on Friday. I saw you pinned a cool bell sleeve blouse, the Le Lis blouse will give you a similar look without being to loose. Plus the coral color is so great for summer! This top would go great with your denim skirt that I sent last June.

I do love that skirt.

I thought the Le Lis top was similar to some of the comfy knits that you had posted, you will love wearing this breathable top with the jeans on those warmer weather days. Enjoy! -Jessica V

A simple dash? Sadly, pretty unremarkable and unmockable.

Just Black Lawrence High Rise Split Hem Skinny Jean: I thought the jeans that Jessica V sent in the spring were comfy. I was wrong. These jeans were like a soft cloud of wearable butter. Once I'd put them on, I didn't want to take them off. I lounged in them as I tried on the tops. Verdict: Keep. (I'm wearing them right now.)

Le Lis Riela Lace Inset Detail Blouse: This blouse looks pink, but it actually came down on just the wrong side of orange for my skin. This is the one that Jessica V said she sent because of the bell-sleeved blouses I pinned, which??? I don't see any bell sleeves here. Plus it was a little frustrating that she'd sent me a blouse with cutouts when I'd specifically asked for short-sleeved shirts that didn't need anything worn beneath them.

Le Lis Alapay Printed Back Knit Top: This one was fun and cute. I've never gotten into the flowy, floral shirt look, but I was willing to give it a try. It perfectly fulfilled the requirements of being short-sleeved and not needing to be layered.

Daniel Rainn Loryn Clip Dot Knit Top: This was definitely my favorite thing in the box! I love this color, and I've been trying to find more clothes in this shade. I think it works really well with my coloring. The fabric was soft, light, and comfortable.

Daniel Rainn Fetra Scoop Neck Blouse: I went back and forth about this shirt. It has shades of coral and orange in it. Orange is one of very few colors I simply do not wear. I don't think it works for me. However, it did meet all my requirements for tops.

Verdict on tops: I didn't want to spoil the ending by telling you which tops I decided to keep. As it turned out, after comparing pricing and deciding that I did want to take a chance on the striped shirt, I determined that the most efficient way to use my money was to buy all five items and get the twenty percent discount. I've worn every item at least twice since then, except for the odd cutout blouse. I'm still trying to decide what to do with that.

Remember, kids, if you want to try Stitch Fix, please use my referral link! (I've actually recommended Stitch Fix to at least one person who didn't use my referral link. They didn't use anyone's referral link, so no one got the benefit of having $25 in referral credit. If you're going to join, you might as well get $25 worth of clothes for a friend or acquaintance.)

My Life, the Shakespearean Comedy

I've been researching Verona for a personal writing project. Actually, I've been to Verona. It's cute but very touristy. They picked an old house with a balcony, seemingly at random, and dubbed it "Juliet's House" (or rather "la Casa di Giulietta"). I say "seemingly at random" because there's no way Romeo could have climbed that balcony. It's super high up and above the main entrance of the house. Even if he had dared to climb the ivy-covered wall several feet away and leap, someone would have seen him, I tell you.

That doesn't matter to the 10,000 tourists who come to the house and stand on Juliet's balcony (and yes, I was one of them). But I'm just pointing it out.

Moving on. While doing my research, I came upon a website with a quiz: "Is Your Life a Shakespearean Comedy or a Tragedy?"

I took the quiz. Here are my results: "Congrats! Your life is a happy ending just waiting to happen. You will likely get married to a noble Duke alongside four of your closest friends. Now, there’s a chance you’ll have to undergo some trials and tribulations to get to this point—like, say, a shipwreck, or a pirate attack, or some domineering woodland fairies who chuckle at the folly of humans—but all in all, you’ll survive these whimsical capers and be better for it. You’ll end up with the love of your life, as will every other decent human being in your social circle."

Good news for me and every other decent human being in my social circle! Huzzah!

Art Imitating Life

I haven't read much Georgette Heyer since last summer.

I quickly exhausted most of the Seamstress's selection of these novels. There are still some I want to read, but apparently my taste runs to the obscure, because they seem to be less common than some of the others.

For my birthday, the Seamstress gave me a copy of Frederica.

THE SEAMSTRESS: Frederica has younger brothers!

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I do like younger brothers.

Turns out Frederica is a sensible girl in her mid-twenties...

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Oh, I relate.

...who devotes a significant amount of time to the care of her four younger siblings...

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Yes, quite relatable.

...and has a brooding brother...

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Don't we all!

...matching the age and physical description of Little Brother...

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Wait...

...and a very enthusiastic, charming, mechanically-minded brother...

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Wait...

...matching the age and physical description of Baby Brother.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Good heavens.

If Frederica's physical description were more similar to my own, I would declare right now that we are probably actually the same person. As it is, I see why the Seamstress chose this particular book for me. Also, I hope my future husband is okay with having my younger siblings at our place regularly. I couldn't do without them.

Teenagers Are Better Than Writers Think

My dad sent me photos of Little Brother all dressed up for prom.

News flash: Maybe I just have an exceptionally handsome brother, or maybe it's that I've known him since he was a chubby-cheeked baby and therefore still see him as such, but I think Little Brother looked cuter than any boy I've ever seen at any prom ever.

Not long before Dad sent the photos, I was struggling through a young adult novel about a girl the same age as Little Brother.

Now, it's my opinion that most of the best literature in the world is aimed at children or young adults. A very small percentage of the novels I read are from the adult section of the library. Why? Well, my experience is that most novels aimed at adults are actually poorly written. They hook people by being full of foul language, gratuitous violence, and smutty sex. The actual intelligence or originality of content is pretty low.

Unfortunately, the quality of young adult novels seems to be deteriorating now too. I mean, sure, there have always been some poorly written young adult novels, but usually the content is pretty PG-13. It's just the last couple of years that I've come across more and more young adult novels that should probably be in the adult section.

This novel was one of those. The character's point of view was pretty original and described skillfully. But the language got increasingly worse and worse, and the events got more and more degrading. I eventually quit reading and flipped to the back just to see how it ended. Guess what? Everything tied up with a murder-suicide.

While all that was hardly uplifting, there was something that bothered me even more. It's bothered me for a while, actually, because even young adult books that are pretty clean tend to feature this one thing. And that is this: unsupervised teenagers drink, do drugs, and have sex. That's just what they do. It's what they want to do, and they spend a lot of time working out ways to do this so that their parents don't find out.

I realize that I grew up in a fairly straight-laced, conservative community, and it's also true that I held myself to specific standards of my religion, but I'm skeptical that teen drugs, drinking, and sex actually happen anywhere near as much as YA writers portray, even in other communities or with teens who don't have as rigorous of standards. Because YA writers, even good ones, usually don't portray reality super well. For instance, it's my experience that teenagers have a hard time being honest with each other. Heck, not-teens have a hard time being honest with each other. It seems a large proportion of people who are mutually interested in each other never actually end up dating because they never get to the point where they feel comfortable talking about it. Sad? Yes. But true. And, even when they do talk about it, they're nowhere near as eloquent as portrayed in literature. Yet so many high school kids in novels are in relationships. Or for another example—physical bullying. A lot of teen novels include characters who will physically bully other students in their school. I had a conversation at ward book club about this. The conclusion was that maybe this happened a lot when our parents were kids, but it hardly ever happens now. Yet it's still portrayed a ton in teen novels.

In other words, a lot of things are portrayed in young adult fiction that don't seem to jive with reality. And while I'm sure there are some high school kids who experiment with drugs, drinking, and sex (I knew some), it seems to me that a lot of kids actually don't do those things in high school.

I can only support this hypothesis with my own experience, so don't expect me to present a lot of peer-reviewed studies. But here are a couple of truths from when I was a teenager.

Truth #1: Drinking, drugs, and sex never occurred to me. Guess what? I had no curfew in high school. Nada. None. I was allowed to stay out until two in the morning if I wanted (although I had to have a ride home because there's no way my parents were going to come get me). The conditions upon which the no-curfew law was predicated were 1) I'd better tell my parents where I was, what I was doing, who I was with, and when I anticipated being home and 2) if I ever gave them a reason not to trust me, I would get a curfew so fast I wouldn't even know what was happening.

Basically, though, I really could have done what I wanted and my parents wouldn't have known. Yet in spite of that, I didn't do anything inappropriate. It wasn't that I was afraid my parents would find out. It wasn't even necessarily that I was all, "Oh, I'm LDS, so I shouldn't do those things." I just didn't even think about it.

Truth #2: My friends and I could be kind of stupid, but we were also kind of shortsighted. I have often said that teenagers don't handle relationships well (I even implied it a few paragraphs ago). This is true. It's also true that most teenagers don't handle most things well because they lack adult-level skills like foresight. Even though I didn't do anything bad as a teenager, I can't say I always made the wisest decisions when I was with my friends. Red lights were run. Graveyards were possibly trespassed (the rules were a little unclear). One of my friends tried to chase a herd of deer up the side of a mountain. One time, Dostoevsky was mad that his more-popular sister was throwing a party, so he threw all of her friends' shoes outside (and we helped). However, none of these things was premeditated. They just kind of happened. Doing something like obtaining drugs or alcohol or getting alone with a person with whom you could have a sexual encounter would require the kind of premeditation that a lot of teenagers just don't seem to have. At least, they would require premeditation if their parents aren't okay with their kids having those kind of mature experiences. And it seems like most parents, even if they're not against drugs or alcohol or premarital sex per se, don't necessarily want their kids engaging in those things as teenagers. Most parents have rules about those things for their teens, and purposely breaking those rules often requires a beyond-teen-level foresight.

In spite of those truths, I can't tell you how many young adult books I've read where the protagonists have or attend an illicit house party while parents are away, and everyone at said party is drinking, doing illicit substances, and having sexual encounters. Does this happen in real life? Probably. But I doubt it happens anywhere near as much as young adult novels portray.

I think that teen novels should stop portraying these wild parties and start portraying more realistic teen things. Like trying to navigate situations where you like someone and they like you and you know you're experiencing a mutual attraction and everyone considers you a thing but you're not actually dating. Or trying to handle a situation where you and another girl like the same guy but she's a really great girl and you're trying not to dislike her just because she has a better chance with the guy than you do. Or not even anything about boys at all but just trying to get along in class when all your friends go to a different high school than you do and you feel like you don't belong at your school. Something. Anything. Teenagehood is interesting and complex and full of so much potential, so why do people keep writing about teenage drugs, drinking, and sex, especially when it seems to be the exception and not the rule?