Everythings

My new alarm clock starts off soft and sweet, with a gentle beeping noise, but within a matter of seconds it crescendoes into a series of angry blasts.

It's like it's screaming, "OH, YOU WANNA SLEEP IN? WELL, TOO BAD!" in a Gilbert Gottfried-as-a-drill-sergeant voice. "WAKE UP! GET OUT OF BED! YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO YOUR COUNTRY, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOUR RELIGION! THE ONLY WAY TO REDEEM YOURSELF IS TO GET OUT OF BED AND DO STUFF!"

So I get out of bed and do stuff. But boy, do I have a lot of stuff to do.

A friend of mine recently wrote a blog post about what she calls "The Law of Everythings." Basically, the theory of the Law of Everythings is that life is cyclical. There will be periods of time when it seems like nothing happens, followed by booms of all the things.

And I have all the things. I'm swamped with everythings right now. School, homework, work, theatrical commitments, church callings, and integrals like eating, sleeping, exercising, reading my scriptures, writing in my journal, and interacting with friends and family.

There are literally not enough hours in my day, in my week, to allow me to complete everything I need to do. Free time is nonexistent. On my nights and on my weekends, I devolve into a panic over how behind I am and wonder why I haven't spontaneously combusted by now, what with all the pressure.

I just want it to stop I think. Something's gotta give.

Well, things have given. Or, rather, I've put in a request for less time at work until the semester's over. I finished up one of my theatre commitments this week, so that helps. But everything else simply can't give. All of it has to be done, and it has to be done now.

Today when the alarm clock went off on its tirade, I wanted to get up even less than usual, because I'd stayed up til midnight writing my history paper that was due today. And I had to write it the day before it was due because I couldn't write it the day before or the day before that or the day before that because I was doing other homework, which I could not do earlier because I was doing other homework, which I could not do earlier because I was doing other homework.

Side note: I have way too much homework.

So I stayed up late to I write and write and write that paper, even though I started it before work and didn't even watch my favorite TV show with Baby Sister. Even so, I completed it around midnight. Needless I was dead tired this morning, so I hit the snooze button three times before Gilbert Clockfried made me feel guilty enough to actually hop out of bed. I dressed, ate breakfast (sort of), did my hair (sort of), and headed off to Nameless Utah College.

When my bus arrived, I had to hustle into the library and finish the homework I didn't do last night because I used that time to write the paper. It's a vicious cycle.

Before class I also checked my email. Along with the emails about all the school events I have to go to in the next three weeks, I had correspondence about my new comedy troupe.

For three years all I wanted was to do a musical, do a musical, do a musical, because I haven't done any since before graduation and it's a gaping hole in my soul. Well, no musicals came up, but due to a surprising chain of events I was invited to join this comedy troupe, which is very successful and oh by the way, I've basically idolized them for the past five years. Being able to be one of them is a dream come true. But scary. But a dream come true. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to focus on the troupe the way I'd like to. Right now I can barely even find time to think about them, and when I do I quickly stop because I'm overwhelmed.

The email, however, reminded me that I had to think about them, because I needed to check the schedule and call about any conflicts and though the email didn't mention it I remembered I still had to write a bio for the website. However, I had to go to class just then, so that couldn't be helped. Off I rushed.

That was the beginning of my action-packed day. And throughout it all my professors were nothing but, "Remember to come to all the events for all your academic programs! Remember your papers are due in a few weeks! And finals! And you need to finish your thesis that you decided for no apparent reason to write a year earlier than required, and edit it, and think about an internship, and make sure you're on track to graduate, and edit everybody else's artistic statement work, and, oh, here's some extra homework for you! Because it's not like you don't already have more than you can physically do!"

And all day my conscience was nothing but, "Why haven't you seen your friends for weeks? Why don't you call them more? Why don't you text them? Why don't you spend more time with them? And your family? What about them?"

And then I was like, "I literally don't have time right now."

And my conscience took a line out of the alarm clock's book and said, "You're a disgrace." Except I wasn't paying attention because I was too busy snarfing down lunch before I went to institute and then finished all the artistic statement editing for my night class, but I felt justified in paying more attention to my lunch than my conscience because I knew I was going to have to stay late at school to attend a diversity event for Spanish credit, and I had no idea when I'd be able to stop for dinner.

I get exhausted just writing about it. This is a typical day in the current life of Awkward Mormon Girl. The Law of Everythings is in full force.

Having so much to do isn't easy. The other day I was complaining, both internally and vocally, about how much I have to do, how tired I feel, how I can never give each aspect of my life the attention it deserves.

"Well," something said inside me, "would you prefer to go without? Would you give up all the things you're doing for a little peace, a little quiet, a little time?"

It hit me that no, I wouldn't give it up, because in spite of all the stress and the mess and the lack of time and the worries about spontaneously combusting, I'm also getting tremendous good out of what I'm doing. I have more than my fair share of blessings, even though in some ways they have taken the guise of trials.

That Law of Everythings? Like I said, it goes in cycles. Right now I have all the blessings and all the opportunities and all the problems that come with them. Soon I may not have as many, and all the everythings will fall into somebody else's lap. Yeah, then the hard parts will be gone, but so will the good parts.

I'm going to do the best I can with my Right Now. It's not easy, but if I rely on God to help me, I know I can not only survive all the things, I will learn to enjoy them even though they stress me out. I'll be grateful for what I've been given. I'll love my everythings while they last.