The Last of the College Quotes

For the last time, I present college quotes.

Disclaimer: These funny and/or insightful comments are from the lips of others. The ideas presented therein are not necessarily one with my personage or with my brain.

“This should be a static class now… We’re together, for better or worse. It’s like we’re married.”

“My mom and I, we have a grammatically challenged relationship.”

“I am a tangent.”

“Ryan Gosling. Is that body real?”

“Facebook is the best way to belittle anyone in the world.”

“I just sit in my office and watch Sesame Street clips for hours.”

“We’re Fame, we’re Friends, we’re Backstreet Boys.”

“This is the shortest chapters in the history of chapters.”

“Having nerd credentials is a positive thing.”

“One day I aspire to be head of a web spam team.”

“Oh my gosh, this class is divisible by three.”

“Might as well die hyper.”

Professor: “What is math?”
Student 1: “Everything.”
Student 2: “Numbers and symbols.”
Student 3: “Stupid.”

“Does anybody know what a gobo is?”
“A Fraggle.”

“They’re Honors students. They must read Kant in August just while sitting by the pool.”

“In our defense—and especially in [Other Professor]’s defense…you should blame me and not [Other Professor] because [Other Professor] is the one who did it.”

“What is happiness? Is the conception of ice cream happiness or not?”
“The second class and we’ve already gotten to Nazis and ice cream.”

“The worst thing is that I didn’t even want to do this.”

“He’s really old, but for his age, he still looks decent.”

“I’m having one of those days where things are out of my control.”
“It’s a Freudian thing, [Professor].”
“No, it’s a laptop thing.”

“Pi is not a failing grade.”

“That’s what happens when you’re not here: we make fun of you.”

“You can bear arms but not children in this country.”

“I feel like being published—I mean, being punished-”
“Same thing.”

“I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at the world at that point.”

“There’s something in my hair… Oh, it’s a paper clip.”

“You are allowed to have an opinion.”

“I never make a huge decision without asking students.”

“I don’t hate men. I’ve married lots of them.”

“You cannot look at something and see everything.”

“Light creates [Student]. If you took away all the light, I couldn’t see anything.”

“Take two of your best friends and go to San Francisco at once. Even if you have to kidnap them.”

“I don’t know why I have to be facetious, but I do. It’s part of my nature.”

“And the spy went back to Romania and…grew potatoes.”

On Meryl Streep: “When she’s good, she’s very, very good. But the rest of the time she’s just doing weird things with her mouth.”

“It’s one of the ironies of being an English major: you learn about all these wonderful books and you never have time to read them.”

“How can the world go on when I’m hurting so much? But it does. Is it fair? No. But life isn’t fair.”

On symbolic elements in literature: “Maybe it’s just there, and it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Masculinity is much more fragile than femininity.”

“Deconstruction kind of deconstructed itself.”

“You can’t escape politics.”

“You’d think they would give out some kind of notice. Caution: llamas on campus.”

“It’s so easy to inflame violence among people.”

“Breaking out of the library is interesting.”

“I did see two people from Transylvania eating garlic. I thought maybe they’d die.”

“People in authority do all kinds of things that aren’t necessarily legal.”

“Sailors are always trouble.”

“I’m trying to make a joke.”
“Yeah, but I don’t get it.”

“Stand by for 2016. It’s gonna be a good time.”

“Apparently, illiteracy is genetically transferable.”

“J. Edgar Hoover sees Communism like people see normal colors.”

“Do you base all of your conference decisions on action movies?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”