Why I Shouldn't Be Allowed on Amazon

I recently did some extra work, for which I was paid entirely in Amazon gift cards.

I hate to spend money. I prefer to save it. So being presented with such a prodigious amount of money that I absolutely, positively, have to spend has been quite the experience.

I bought items to Disney bound as the sorcerer's apprentice at Disneyland. I bought Viola's birthday present and several Christmas presents. I bought a book that my ward book club is reading.

My mother had some suggestions on other things I should purchase. She pointed out that I needed new boots and, she said, a new jacket.

I definitely needed new boots, so I ordered some. I didn't really feel like I needed a new jacket, so somehow in my mind I replaced that word "new" with the word "patchwork." I could see how I might need a new, patchwork jacket.

And that, my friends, is the problem with having an excess of money that you absolutely have to spend. I decided it would be a good idea to buy this jacket.

I was sorely mistaken.

This jacket looks much better in pictures than it does in person. It looked perfect in all the pictures but it was something akin to a disaster when actually placed upon my person. I'm returning it tomorrow.

The moral of the story is that apparently I should not be allowed to have Amazon gift cards because this is the kind of thing I buy. Someone intervene before I continue along this vein and end up with a collection of the most absurd stuff.