My Other Week with Blue Apron

Time to recount my second week of trying Blue Apron!

I didn't establish this last time, but you might like to know that each week, Blue Apron offers eight recipes to choose from. It's good variety, and if you absolutely hate everything being offered that week, skipping is an option.

For me, choosing the recipes was the hardest part of signing up. For my second week, I went with Salmon Burgers & Smoky Potatoes with Tartar Sauce and Maple & Barbecue-Glazed Chicken Wings with Sweet Potato Wedges & Coleslaw.

No bonus recipe this time! I was way more sad about that than I should have been. Also, I realized belatedly that three of my four Blue Apron recipes featured a roasted potato dish. Heh heh...whoops.

First off, Salmon Burgers & Smoky Potatoes with Tartar Sauce.

I was especially delighted with the one-egg carton.

I've never had salmon burgers before, and I was expecting them to be a lot more complicated than they were. This recipe took me just under an hour from start to finish.

First I chopped and cooked the potatoes. They were the exact same potatoes from the steak recipe last week, just with a different spice blend. To avoid having underdone potatoes again, I cooked them eight minutes longer than the recipe required.

The burgers required cooking the salmon, chopping it up, and mixing it with an egg and spices (and that mythical "garlic paste" first seen in the steak recipe). Then I formed it into patties to be cooked again.

I was rather proud of my patties.

However, I made the mistake of thinking I could fit them both in a small pan, and I ended up having to slightly deform one to get them both in there.

Although getting the patties off the plates and into the pan was really hard! They didn't stay together well, probably because they were simultaneously both heavy and wide. That also contributed to the deformity. While I was turning them, I said aloud, "How do I do this without them falling apart?" The answer was that I couldn't, and each patty lost a bit of mass and cracked as I turned it.

The only things left to do were mix sour cream and pickle relish to make a homemade tartar sauce and toast the buns in the pan. The bun-toasting was a nice touch that helped reduce my aversion to homemade burgers!

I was running out of clean dishes and ended up eating off the same plate I'd put the patties on after cooking, thus the grease.

The Verdict: The potatoes turned out wonderfully: slightly blackened and crisped on the outside and mealy on the inside! The spice blend was better than last time, too (though I could barely taste it). The salmon burgers were delicious, although the patties were not only difficult to cook but also much too big to comfortably eat one burgers in a single sitting. This meal could easily have been stretched into three or even four servings.

My chief comment is that, although most Blue Apron recipes contain an abundance of produce, this one didn't. The only thing resembling a vegetable was the pickle relish in the homemade tartar sauce (which was good, but not amazing). I imagine this was because of the cost of the salmon: they felt obligated to do just potatoes because cheap. Still, some veggies would have spruced the burger up mightily.

What I'd Do Differently: Make smaller patties from the same amount of salmon. I'd probably have to use a different spice mix in the burgers and the potatoes as the Blue Apron-provided one lists the ingredients but not the proportions. I'd probably replace the tartar sauce with fry sauce. I know that sounds gross, and trust me, I'd never put fry sauce on a regular piece of salmon—but this burger is processed in such a way that it wouldn't be a travesty. Finally,  I'd also add a slice of tomato and a slice of American cheese. Maybe even a bit of lettuce.

The last recipe I tried was the Maple & Barbecue-Glazed Chicken Wings with Sweet Potato Wedges & Coleslaw.

I actually don't like chicken wings that much. Or sweet potato wedges (I prefer my sweet potatoes mashed with honey butter if I must eat them at all). Or coleslaw.

You're probably wondering, "Then why did you choose this recipe?" I chose it because I was curious about learning to cook chicken wings. Like, who makes those for dinner?! It was too good a learning opportunity to pass up (come to think of it, I felt similarly about the salmon burgers). Also, my opposition to chicken wings is more that they're so messy and difficult to eat while yielding so little meat than it is the flavor. So they did sound tasty, especially compared to the other menu offerings for the week. And since I can endure sweet potato wedges and coleslaw if needed, I thought it was worth a try.

Unlike the other potatoes, the sweet potato wedges cooked to perfection at the recommended time and temperature. They actually looked rather appetizing after they came out of the oven!

The coleslaw and chicken wings were both fussy dishes. Because of that, and because both the chicken wings and potato wedges had to cook a half hour in the oven, this recipe was by far the longest I tried. It took me at least an hour and a half to do everything.

This recipe also occasioned my one and only Blue Apron error. I accidentally added the vinegar that was supposed to go in both the wing sauce and the coleslaw to just the coleslaw. It had minimal effect on the coleslaw flavor, but I felt like the chicken wing sauce needed all three flavors. I rummaged about for a viable substitute and ended up using Sprite from a can left over from my Christmas stocking.

Once the wings were seasoned, baked, tossed in half the sauce, baked again, tossed again in the other half of the sauce, and garnished with green onions, and once the vegetables were peeled/grated/chopped and steeped in vinegar, sugar, and mayonnaise for an appropriate length of time, my dinner was ready!

The Verdict: Once again, there was a ton of food: enough for three meals. The chicken glaze/sauce was good. However, as with all chicken wings, the effort it took to extract the meat wasn't worth it. The potato wedges were better than expected (although I did happen to have some honey butter to put on them). The coleslaw probably was the second-best coleslaw I've had, after that coleslaw that Saladmaster lady (who looking back I can't believe now I even let in my house) made. So the dishes were decent. However...the sauce was sweet. The coleslaw was sweet (because sugar). The sweet potato wedges were, obviously, sweet. So when eaten together, the effect was a bit unappetizing. Why are they selling these three dishes together? I especially can't understand why the coleslaw has the scallion/green onion bottoms in it. Did they just add them to the coleslaw so that they wouldn't waste them when garnishing the chicken? Is the coleslaw on the menu for that exact reason? I hope not—I've never before seen onions in coleslaw, and I hope it's not a thing.

What I'd Do Differently: Use the sauce on non-wing chicken. Skip the green onion garnish, which adds absolutely nothing except visual fanciness. Serve with a potato dish and some cooked carrots and maybe some cornbread. However, it's unlikely that I'd revisit this recipe unless I really had a hankering for barbecue chicken.

I thought I would be strapped for cash and very hungry during this Blue Apron experiment. Weirdly enough, I actually ended up saving money since I barely ate out. (Though that wouldn't have been the case without the discount, which allowed the service to fit within my grocery budget. Without the discount, the price would have exceeded my entire weekly grocery budget. It also helped that all the meals ended up being enough for three servings instead of the advertised two.) I guess that since I was no longer eating the same thing for seven days straight, eating out had less appeal. I was always full of yummy home-cooked food!

On the other hand, cooking so much got a little exhausting. One week I cooked literally every other day. All that cooking also led to a lot of loading and unloading the dishwasher, and I hate loading and unloading the dishwasher. I'm ready for a break!

I won't be continuing this unless I get more discounts. But while it lasted, I loved trying new recipes and eating new things! I had such a good time that when I got a gift card for HelloFresh (it was included with my new sneakers for...some reason...?), I decided I'd like to try that next! Stay tuned for more food subscription box shenanigans and opinionated opinions.

A Blessing to this World

I have my own personal rules/theories about how each social media site works.

Facebook: Facebook is like going to a party with everyone you know and have ever known. My rules about Facebook are:

a) I have to Facebook friend everyone I know and keep them as a Facebook friend unless they're creepy. If I find them offensive, I unfollow them but remain friends.

b) Facebook is for keeping up with people's lives. I understand why people use it as a platform for voicing opinions about important issues, but for me that feels like yelling out my personal views in the middle of a crowded party. So I very rarely talk about anything of substance on Facebook. If I have something important I want to say, I lure people off Facebook and onto this blog. That way people who don't want to hear my opinions don't have to be subject to them. (Also, I feel like people who know me should already know what I think and believe based on how I conduct myself. But if you're morbidly curious and want me to spell out my political or religious views in great detail, just ask. Really.)

Instagram: Instagram is more of a feel-good, slice-of-life platform. On Instagram, I will talk more in-depth about what I care about but to a wider audience that sometimes includes people I don't know. Unlike Facebook, Instagram is almost always positive and thoughtful. It's also a good way to find out what's going on in a celebrity's life, but it's not a great place for interacting with one on equal footing—because of all social media, Instagram is probably the most one-sided and easiest to curate.

Twitter: Twitter is very American; if Alexis de Tocqueville ever heard of it, he would roll over in his grave. It's the great equalizer of social media because it's a forum where everyone talks to everyone else regardless of status or fame. You're judged almost solely on your content. This means that if you want to connect with a celebrity, Twitter is usually the place to go. If you want to interact with people privately and be limited just to talking within your own social circle, Twitter is not for you. Also, I feel like by its nature, Twitter is the appropriate place to debate something if debates must be had.

One of the real reasons that I have a Twitter account is so that I can reach out to celebrities whose work I admire. I enjoy these interactions, probably for the same reason that I enjoy meeting celebrities at Comic Con. In fact, the other day I was bored, so I tweeted at Adam McArthur.

If you're wondering, "Who's Adam McArthur?" then that is shameful. A few weeks ago, I didn't know who Adam McArthur was either, but I have since repented of my ways and forsaken them. I now know that Adam McArthur is the voice of Marco Diaz in one of Disney's finest cartoon series, Star vs. the Forces of Evil.

Seriously. It's reeeaaally good. And Marco, who is the male lead, is a reeeaaally good character. He has the most personality of any Disney princess's male love interest ever.

I've been on a Star vs. kick in the weeks since I started watching it. Baby Brother even gave me a book featuring Star and Marco for Christmas (here pictured with many other wonderful and nerdy items which I received).

He was so excited about giving me the book as a gift, he could barely stand it.

Since I've been enjoying Adam McArthur's work so much, I decided I'd let him know.

And he responded.

Ideal use of Twitter = executed.

Another Yuletide Over

Guess what? I Christmassed again this year!

Christmas version 2017 included such traditional delights as:

-Lunch with sisters! The weather was pretty bad, so we ended up at the same restaurant we lunched at last year. Which is against the Little Sisters' Annual Christmas Eve Lunch rules, but we already broke the rules by letting Older Sister come last year and this year (since she no longer lives in town and we don't see her much). Plus Baby Sister wasn't here, so we just broke rules all over the place like a slap in the face of the tradition founders. Who are us. So we basically slapped our own faces. Ouch.

-Christmas Eve dinner with my mom's family! Each family unit exchanged small gifts and Christmas cards before dinner started. This year, I got a lot of chocolate and some popcorn and my own personal bottle of Martinelli's. I loved that, but it was a little awkward to be given my own gifts because, being unmarried, I don't consider myself to be my own family unit, so I didn't bring anything for everyone else. I just piggybacked on my parents' gifts. Someday, though. (Fingers crossed.)

-Presentation of the nativity story! The older cousins round up the little cousins and persuade them to dress up as sheep or shepherds or wisemen. This year, Dino Cousin's mom encouraged Dino Cousin (who is four years old) to join the nativity. We asked Dino Cousin what she wanted to be: a sheep or a shepherd or a wiseman? Without batting an eye, Dino Cousin said, "Jesus." We always have the newest baby or a doll play Baby Jesus, but we weren't about to refuse Dino Cousin, so we said okay. When Dino Cousin's mom came to the rehearsal area, she asked Dino Cousin who she was going to be. Dino Cousin promptly said, "Jesus Christ." It was equally adorable and amusing.

(P.S. If you ever wonder why I have such a prodigious amount of cousins, it's because not only do I have quite a few first cousins, I also know many of my parents' cousins (my first cousins once removed), their kids (my second cousins), my first cousins' kids (also my first cousins once removed), and my second cousins' kids (my second cousins once removed). Many of us see each other regularly.)

-A slideshow review of the year! There are ~five pictures of each extended family member in the slideshow, and since the family keeps growing, the show just keeps getting longer and longer. (Re: prodigious amount of cousins.)

-Waking up really early on Christmas morning and annoying our parents! We then gather in a line (age order, youngest to oldest; this year Mr. Little Sister was between me and Little Sister) and rush into the living room to open our presents from Santa and each other. (Yes, we all still get presents from Santa. Santa is legit, and no one will ever convince me not to believe in him.)

We also had a few novelties this year:

-Christmas Eve was on a Sunday, something that hasn't happened for years. The Little Sisters' Annual Christmas Eve Lunch was therefore held on the 23rd and not the 24th. (P.S. I found out that Valiant and her six sisters all get lunch together on Christmas Eve, too! How interesting.) My ward had one hour of church in the morning combined with some other wards in the stake. The program was mostly music, which was lovely. I sat with Best Friend Boy. He got a real kick out of trying to predict what Christmas hymn we'd be singing next.

-We got to talk to Baby Sister. (Most of the time, missionaries call home only on Christmas Day and Mother's Day.) She's a cutie patootie. Even though her mission is English-speaking, she's learning some Marshallese because of the area in which she's serving. She told us that she was the happiest she's ever been.

All in all, a good day during a good season. Now on to the new year.

Heavenly Father Must Really Love Me

I have a penchant for waxing philosophical. But tonight, my goal is to avoid too much of a philosophical waxing. Instead, Imma tell you about some things that I noticed this month.

Life this year has been almost exactly 50% wonderful and 50% disappointing and discouraging. Rarely have I had such a centrifugal year. On an note that's seemingly unrelated, a few weeks ago I went to a ward activity (as Relief Society presidents are wont to do). In attendance was a certain sister who, by her own admission, doesn't come to ward activities very often although she frequently attends church meetings. This sister and I both got a ride to the activity location from another sister in our ward, Sophie.

Sophie is a sterling human who is a good example for everyone. In what was perhaps her only lapse of judgment ever, earlier this year she purchased an electric car, not realizing that it could only be started by a key fob and that there was no physical key as a backup.

Well, it just so happened that when we arrived at Sophie's car, her key fob was not working. It was unable to communicate with her electric car, effectively locking us out in the cold.

This sister who rarely comes to ward activities exclaimed that she had the exact same model of car as Sophie. She taught Sophie a trick that would open the car door. However, even though we were able to get inside the car, it still wouldn't start.

I was sitting there, silently praying. No one from our ward had parked near us, and even if they had it would be a major inconvenience to leave Sophie's car in the lot and try to catch rides with others. I'm sure Sophie was praying, too.

But then the other sister said that she knew what the problem was. She said that Sophie's key fob was probably out of batteries, and she suggested that she switch the battery in her own key fob with Sophie's battery. Sure enough, it worked. AND what's more, the sister insisted that Sophie just keep the battery because the sister had a spare at home.

On the way home, Sophie marveled about how incredible it was that this sister who happened to have the exact same car as her had ended up driving with her. The other sister agreed and mentioned that she'd felt strongly that she should come to this activity, even though she never comes to activities.

"Heavenly Father must really love me," concluded Sophie.

That was really humbling to me, because while I was grateful that a solution had presented itself, I was more exhausted that a problem had arisen in the first place. But in Sophie's eyes, the death of the key fob battery was not a problem so much as it was a blessing—because, she said, if the battery had died in any other circumstance, she wouldn't have known what the problem or had an inkling of how to solve it.

Later in the month, the daily Light the World theme was centered on comforting those who were grieving. The church's website suggested reaching out to a person who had recently lost someone for the day's act of service.

To me, that was too specific. I knew a few people who'd lost someone over the past year or so but not recently enough that reaching out would be appropriate. I didn't want to dredge up painful memories for seemingly no reason.

That night at institute, I remembered that the daughter of one of the teachers had passed away just days before. Although I didn't know her super well, the unfortunate circumstances of her passing depressed me. I decided to mention to the teacher that I'd been acquainted with his daughter and tell him I was sorry for his loss.

This man broke into a joyful smile and asked how I'd known his daughter. His seeming acceptance of her death helped me feel better about the situation, too, and his positive attitude inspired me. He actually acted like I'd done him a favor by bringing her up!

Everything worked out so well, that I felt pretty good. Like...you know...Heavenly Father must really love me.

One last thing. Even later in the month, I was at Target (as I frequently am), this time with my mom. We were walking near the clothing aisles when a high, inarticulate little voice said, "Would you like a rose?"

I looked down to see the cutest little toddler in the cutest little dress, holding out a pink rose.

I reached to accept the rose, then paused. Where were this kid's parents? Where did she get the roses? Oh, there they were, holding even more roses.

Quickly, I put two and two together: this was the family's Light the World service for the day. And what a cute service it was! I happily accepted the rose.

Ain't it pretty? Made my night. Let's say it in chorus: Heavenly Father must really love me.

Weirdest Christmas Movie Ever

Actually, I'm not even sure this is a Christmas movie.

The movie starts on Groundhog Day, and a weirdly large percentage of it takes place during the spring. And of the part that does take place during the winter, only like five minutes are during actual Christmas. (But about half of those five minutes are a musical number, which is legit. More about the musical number later.)

But either way, this movie is so good that it's bad. Or so bad that it's good? Let me put it this way: For what this movie is trying to do, it does a spectacular job. One just can't help wonder at some points during the movie whether what's being done should have been done at all.

I'm talking about the one, the only, Rankin/Bass production of Jack Frost.

Yes, Jack Frost. It stars Robert Morse (I really like him), Buddy Hackett (you know him as Scuttle the seagull), and Paul Frees (who did all kinds of animated things but especially other obscure Rankin/Bass productions like The Return of the King and The Last Unicorn) plus a lot of other people that I don't know much about.

The premise of the movie is that Jack Frost loves bringing joy to humans but is sad that he's not one of them. One day, (invisible) Jack Frost is hanging out with this nice but kind of spacey girl, Elisa. Elisa is from January Junction (which is a cool name), a town that appears to be in Russia since the currency there is called kopecks and both Elisa's parents have Russian accents even though she has an American accent. Elisa's parents are like "Blah blah blah find a boyfriend!" and Elisa is like "Jack Frost is my boyfriend, lol." Jack doesn't understand Elisa's spacey probably-Russian human girl humor, so he assumes that she's totes serious and makes a deal with Father Winter. Father Winter promises him that he can be a human if he gets a house, a horse, a bag of gold, and a wife before winter is over.

And so Jack literally falls from the sky as a human and is all confused when Elisa doesn't know who he is (dude, you were invisible before). However, Elisa tells him that he seems familiar. Then Father Winter, realizing that Jack is way too guileless and inexperienced to handle the situation, sends Jack's friends (Who are named Snip and Holly. Snip is like Father Winter's personal assistant or something, and Holly is a snow gypsy. Don't know what a snow gypsy is? Neither does anyone else, so.) earth-side to help him out.

Before I go any further, I should tell you that Elisa's family has no money. Literally none. There's a scene earlier in the movie where Kubla Kraus (more on him later) steals the family's only kopeck even though apparently a kopeck is far less than a penny. Elisa's family also raises pumpkins for a living, and despite being in abject poverty they for some reason keep a pet dog and a pet...duck?! I don't know what the duck is doing there. Especially since the duck actually flies, which must be a pain to animate in stop-motion. In any case, the fact that they have a duck is later a very shoehorned plot point, soooooo yeah.

Anyway, Elisa and her Russian-accented parents tell Jack Frost and his friends that they can live with them and their dog and their duck. Jack Frost is all, "Oh no, I must have my own house!" ('cause Father Winter said so), but they explain to him that there are no houses because there are no building materials and also there is no money because NOBODY IN JANUARY JUNCTION HAS ANY MONEY AT ALL. Well, except for money made out of icicles. That's right—the folks of January Junction saw icicles into little icicle coins that they then use to buy stuff from each other all winter long. While this is a wildly flawed plan that would result in a lot of inflation, they seem happy with it. However, the prevalence of currency made out of ice means that there's no bag of gold for Jack, even if he does some real good tailoring (he decides to pretend to be a tailor). And there are no horses either, because apparently nobody can buy horses in January Junction, even if they're icicle-rich.

Undaunted, Jack decides to...well...actually...I don't think he really does anything. He just hangs around January Junction, running a tailor shop out of Elisa's parents' house even though nobody in town actually seems able to afford clothes. Well, and he gets to know Elisa, I guess. She obviously likes him, but she friend-zones him pretty hard. In part because...well. There actually is one person in town who can afford clothes.

His name is Sir Ravenal Rightfellow (not that I knew it off the top of my head; I had to look it up because honestly Sir Ravenous Righteousface is the least interesting part of the movie). He's a knight. He has a really, really square jaw and a suit of golden armor (when people are starving for want of money, no less). And, in case you can't tell, I don't really like him. Which is ironic, considering the voice actor also played Pippin in the Rankin-Bass The Return of the King, and I am obsessed with that version of Pippin. But I am not obsessed with Sir Rightwing Raven. At least, not in a good way. He's nice enough, but he's also the most bland person you can think of, while Jack is wholly delightful and endearing. What's wrong with you, Elisa?!

However, the real villain of this piece (at least that's what they want you to think) is Kubla Kraus. While everyone in January Junction is living in, like, the 1500s, Kubla Kraus is living a steampunk existence. He has a steampunk butler, a steampunk horse, and a host of steampunk knights (pronounced keh-nights; I don't know either). Also, Kubla Kraus (who, like Elisa's parents, has a Russian accent) has a metal ventriloquist's dummy named Dommy. He uses Dommy to talk...to himself. For purposes of exposition, I guess. (P. S. Dommy has a Russian accent, too.) In any case, Kubla explains to Dommy that he wants to marry Elisa 'cause she's pretty. Dommy thinks that this is a bad plan because "she doesn't like you," but Kubla disagrees.

Anyway, Christmas comes, and it turns out that January Junction's icicle money is GOOD FOR NOTHING because even though there's an endless supply of icicles, no one can afford Christmas presents. Or something? It's unclear, but in any case, NO ONE in the entire town gives gifts to each other for the holiday. Instead, they pass around an empty box and take turns opening it and pretending there's a Christmas present inside. This is what the musical number is about, and it's actually extremely charming. They all pantomime what they're taking out of the box and say, "It's just what I've always wanted!" And they do this. Completely. Seriously. It's not self-conscious at all. (But even though Elisa's family and Jack give imaginary presents to each other, they don't give anything to Holly and Snip, which seems like a particular egregious oversight since...they're imaginary... But that's neither here nor there.)

Then Sir Robin Wright Penn gives Elisa a box and says (kind of snotty), "It's a real present." And what did this super-rich guy—who literally wears armor made out of gold—get for this girl who's so humble that she's content with imaginary gifts and so poor that she doesn't even have a change of clothes? A rose. A stinking rose. And, okay, I guess it's kind of romantic if you like that stuff—but when her basic needs aren't being met, it just seems kind of rude to give her something that might not even last overnight. You know?

Oh yeah; there is a second part of the gift. He invites her to a ball that night (which begs the question where the heck the ball is being held). Does she go with him? It's unclear, because later that night she's kidnapped by Kubla and Dommy in a back alley. It's looking like Elisa may never see her family or friends again, except. The family duck is in the woods visiting relatives (yes, this actually happens) and sees Kubla dragging Elisa away on his steampunk horse. So the duck flies home and tells everyone (they all speak duck I guess?) that Elisa's been kidnapped, and Jack and his friends and Sir Raving Rye Bread come to save the day.

Long story short, Sir Ravenclaw Rice Paper saves Elisa but accidentally leaves Jack, Holly, and Snip behind. Kubla throws them all in the dungeon and, being super angry, decides that he wants to destroy January Junction.

Jack is understandably upset, so he tries to "whistle up a winter wind," to stop Kubla in his tracks, but he's human, and he can't do it. So he pleads with Father Winter to let him become a winter spirit again so that he can stop Kubla. Father Winter agrees, and Jack, Holly, and Snip all return to the winter kingdom while Jack brews up quite the storm.

He's successful, he keeps Kubla barricaded in his castle until spring, la de da. But now Elisa is worried because what happened to Jack Snip?! Sir Ravishing Ryan Gosling is kind of annoyed that she's not paying attention to him (he was injured or something when they rescued her; I don't remember or care). In any case, he tells (tells) her that once he's recovered, they'll marry in the spring. Boo.

Back home, Jack's freaking out because once the snow melts, what's going to keep Kubla from destroying January Junction? But Father Winter tells him that there's nothing they can do because once the groundhog decides it's spring, it's spring. Sooooo Jack finds Buddy Hackett the groundhog, who apparently gets to make this momentous spring decision for the entire world (by the way, there are television crews videoing the groundhog, so now the time period of this movie is even more unclear than before). Anyway, even though he's a disembodied spirit, Jack casts a shadow on the ground that sends the groundhog back into hiding, buying six more weeks of winter to save January Junction (and to prevent Elisa from marrying Sir Ravioli Right to Know, although he's not aware of that).

Right before spring finally arrives, Father Winter allows Jack to return to human form and still try to get his house, gold, horse, and wife. First, though, Jack defeats Kubla Kraus and then Father Winter blows the tyrant far, far away, leaving Jack to take possession of the castle, a bag of gold, and the steampunk horse. He hurries back to January Junction, only to find out that Elisa (who finally got a change of clothes) is about to marry Sir Raven-Symoné Writing Desk. Jack, confused, tells Elisa's father that he thought Elisa loved him. Elisa's father, also confused, says that he knew that Elisa loved Jack Frost—"but no, I never heard her say that she loved you, Jack Snip."

UGH.

Just then, spring arrives, and Jack Frost turns back into a spirit. And at this point, you realize that all along, you were actually watching The Little Mermaid, and Hans Christian Anderson is rolling over in his grave so many times that he could win a tumbling competition.

The End!

(But seriously, if you can think of a weirder Christmas movie, I'd be interested in hearing about it.)

Light the World (Again)

I guess last year's Light the World went really well, because my church is doing it again this year.

Let's review: For Light the World, you do 25 acts of service over 25 days. Last year I shared my acts of service every day on Twitter. This year, I decided to do the service but not post about it daily. Also, last year I just did any kind of service and didn't follow the suggested themes (particularly because I was in Disneyland for four days and had to just grab service opportunities as they appeared). I'm following the themes each day this year, though. In some ways it makes it easier...in some ways it makes it harder.

In any case, 'tis a wonderful way to spend Christ's season!

Remember, Remember the End of November

My plans for the evening were to wrap up on some stuff for the month. Namely, attend the temple (I do this at least twice monthly but had only gone once this month), finish up with NaNoWriMo, and write this blog post.

What actually happened was that I was in the temple about half as long as I'd planned, and directly after I went to the doctor.

I've been to the doctor soooo many times this year. This time, the health concern of the day was a UTI. I've had UTIs twice before, so I know the symptoms. Also, I've gone to my mom's place of work for treatment before, but I've never had her actually be the RN on duty before. Tonight she was the one who took my blood pressure and weighed me and stuff.

MY MOTHER THE RN: You're so tiny!

ME: MOM.

Long story short, that's how about 100 of the 1,000 words I wrote tonight were jotted down on a crumpled index card while I was hanging around the doctor's office.

What's that? You want to know how NaNoWriMo went this year? My goal was 32,000 words, and I pulled 26,000. Not bad! (Especially since that's about double what I wrote last year.) I have high hopes that I'll be done with the entire novel soon, although I'm slacking off a little starting tomorrow because of the Christmas season.

Sick Day

I'm sick.

Again.

I have a cold right now. I had a cold a few weeks ago at Little Sister's wedding (more on that later). I had a cold over New Year's, over Christmas/Hanukkah, and over Halloween.

The awkward placement of these colds means that I keep getting colds when I have work off and then calling in sick on the day I'm supposed to be back in. It look bad. It looks like I'm extending my time off, but I'm honest-to-goodness sick. I took yesterday off, but I went in today even though I was dying because I had a deadline that day but also to prove that I really took the day off for a legitimate illness and not because I wanted a four-day Memorial Day weekend.

It's not like I even have good sick days. I usually sleep a lot and read a bunch of stupid stuff on the Internet. Mom usually brings me some lunch when I'm sick, and that's nice, but other than that I lie around in a feverish haze and contemplate my mortality.

But I digress. When I went back to work, I was still pretty sick. My supervisor advised me to leave a little early. Probably because I was sniffling so hard my brains were about to drop out of my nose. Or because I looked like a hot mess but without the hot part.

Hope Memorial Day week was better for everyone else.

Hanukkahmas

Guess what, everybody?

Hanukkah and Christmas fell at the same time this year, that's what!

What's an ethnically 1/8 Jewish, religiously Christian girl to do?

Celebrate them both, of course!

The first night of Hanukkah fell on Christmas Eve. Older Sister's flight got in that morning. Then we had our annual tradition of lunch on Christmas Eve, followed by our other annual tradition of dinner, a nativity scene, and a slideshow of the previous year, all with extended family.

The second night of Hanukkah fell on Christmas Day. That morning, we opened presents. I got a sushi cookbook, a sushi-making kit, chopsticks, and sushi pins, among other things.

Then we all went to church. Afterward, we visited with family and enjoyed our gifts.

On the third night of Hanukkah, the family went with Favorite Cousin to see La La Land. Favorite Cousin and I already saw it the week before, but Older Sister hadn't yet because the movie prices in New York City are too much for her modest arts administrator budget. (While we're on the subject, it's a pretty good movie. There's kind of a bait and switch where you think the movie is about how a person has to close their eyes to some harsh realities to make an arts career work, but surprise! At the end you realize it's actually about how a person has to close their eyes to some harsh realities to make a relationship work. Plus there's a dream ballet sequence and a couple other moments straight out of a film musical from the 50s or 60s. So that's fun/unexpected/odd.)

On the fourth night of Hanukkah, we saw the LDS church's production of Savior of the World. That was actually a really good Hanukkah activity, as the production is about Christ's lifetime and is therefore steeped in a lot of Jewish traditions.

On the fifth night of Hanukkah, we actually got around to celebrating Hanukkah. All of my immediate family came to my apartment, along with Little Sister's boyfriend, Rosebud and her husband, one of our cousins and her new husband, and another cousin's four-month-old baby, whom my parents was watching for the evening. Together, we celebrated. This meant a dinner of brisket, latkes, applesauce, challah bread, and less traditional foods...

...some Hanukkah tales...

...and playing dreidel! (Spoils pictured below.)

We also sang and danced to songs from Fiddler on the Roof and Prince of Egypt. Rosebud's husband did a bottle dance. We picked Baby Brother up in a chair and danced with him around the living room. He hated it.

Hanukkah continues through New Year's Eve aka tomorrow. If you haven't celebrated and you want to, you still can. Although maybe you can't if you're not at least 1/8 Jewish. Maybe those are the rules.

Light the World

Well, I did it. I did 24 acts of service in 24 days...and I'm planning to do my final act of service tomorrow.

I learned a lot. I learned something about myself, which is that I serve people more than I think I do. There were days when I would do something for someone automatically, only to realize later that I had done an act of service. I'd sort of expected to have the opposite experience, where I was constantly forgetting to do an act of service each day. However, that wasn't the case. I can still do better! But it was heartening to realize that maybe I'm not the selfish brat I sometimes think I am.

I learned something about service itself. I had a couple of back-and-forths during this initiative about the ethics of doing an act of service but then sharing it online. For sure, that's not the usual way service ought to work. People don't need to know that you've served. In fact, it's often better if they don't. However, at some points during this initiative, I felt like the real service wasn't the service...the real service was sharing the service. Does that make sense? It seemed that the initiative was to inspire other people by showing them that there's still good in the world. Also to remind them of the true meaning of Christmas, and that the best way to show love for the Savior is often to show love to others. At least, that's how I interpret it.

O Christmas Tree

One of the best things about living away from home is having my own Christmas tree. Or rather, having the Seamstress's Christmas tree.

I never put up the Christmas tree at my parents' house, so the concept of assembling a tree and putting lights was somewhat foreign to me. The Seamstress has a system for putting on lights. She likes the lights to be heavy on the bottom, lighter on top, with the cords extending to the very tips of the branches.

She also has matching ornaments (something we definitely do not have at the Obnoxious home) and a system to go with them. The system is to not only put ornaments on the outside of the tree but to put some inside the branches as well. This creates a sort of layered effect when one peers into the depths of the tree.

Ain't it pretty?!

25 Ways Over 25 Days

There's some fun Christmas stuff happening right now at mormon.org. For the past couple Christmases, my church has done a Christmas campaign. These campaigns remind people of the true meaning of Christmas, and they always involve an inspiring video (as seen on the website).

This year, the campaign is #LighttheWorld. This particular campaign involves more than just a video. It comes with a challenge: do 25 acts of service on December 1st through December 25th. That's one act of service every day. The service can be any kind of service, and it can be for anyone. However, if coming up with new things proves to be difficult, there are themed ideas posted on the website every day, idea that are drawn from various aspects of Christ's life.

I'm excited for this. What with my trip to Disneyland this month, completing an act of service every day might be a little difficult. Still I'm eager to try.

Anyways, this campaign's not just for LDS folk. It's for anyone who wants to join. So if you have an interest in serving in 25 ways over 25 days, do it with me! I think it will make this Christmas particularly memorable.

Pre-Thanksgiving Post

We're in that awkward stage of the year that happens after Halloween but before Thanksgiving. Pre-Thanksgiving, if you will. Let me tell you what has happened during pre-Thanksgiving.

First off, we had our first snow. Coincidentally, this was also the day Christmas music came on the radio (or not so coincidentally. Maybe the radio station planned it. Who knows?). In any case, everyone was way more prepared for this first snow than they were for the first snow last year. A few hours before it started snowing, Baby Sister and I went grocery shopping. There were plows driving around Hometown, ready to tackle the snow the instant it appeared. Sure enough, when I woke up the next morning, there were several inches of snow on my car, but there was no snow on the roads. Hooray and hallelu!

Secondly, Thanksgiving plans have been in order. I texted my mom to find out what my share of the dinner would be.

Third and lastly, I've been working. Except I tell you what, since Monday everyone at work has been a little antsy. We've been so anxious for the holidays that we're generally useless.

Last night, when I was finally, finally on my way home and trying to turn left on a busy street, I saw one of my coworkers standing on the curb like he was contemplating jaywalking.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: If you try to cross this very busy street right now, I will hate you forever.

Sure enough, he ran across all four lanes of traffic as soon as the coast was clear. Now I hate him forever.

Why I Shouldn't Be Allowed on Amazon

I recently did some extra work, for which I was paid entirely in Amazon gift cards.

I hate to spend money. I prefer to save it. So being presented with such a prodigious amount of money that I absolutely, positively, have to spend has been quite the experience.

I bought items to Disney bound as the sorcerer's apprentice at Disneyland. I bought Viola's birthday present and several Christmas presents. I bought a book that my ward book club is reading.

My mother had some suggestions on other things I should purchase. She pointed out that I needed new boots and, she said, a new jacket.

I definitely needed new boots, so I ordered some. I didn't really feel like I needed a new jacket, so somehow in my mind I replaced that word "new" with the word "patchwork." I could see how I might need a new, patchwork jacket.

And that, my friends, is the problem with having an excess of money that you absolutely have to spend. I decided it would be a good idea to buy this jacket.

I was sorely mistaken.

This jacket looks much better in pictures than it does in person. It looked perfect in all the pictures but it was something akin to a disaster when actually placed upon my person. I'm returning it tomorrow.

The moral of the story is that apparently I should not be allowed to have Amazon gift cards because this is the kind of thing I buy. Someone intervene before I continue along this vein and end up with a collection of the most absurd stuff.

And My Next Destination Is...

...not New York City.

New York City is Little Sister's next destination. She and Rosebud are going to spend a few days with Older Sister and see some shows. I'm sad I won't be there with Little Sister, since we had such fun on our NYC trips together, but she's going to bring me back some macarons from Baked by Melissa so that will almost make it better. Plus, she won't even be there long enough to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, so how jealous of her can I really be?

No, my next destination is D to the I to the S-N-E-Y land!!!

I essentially told my roommates that I wanted to go to Disneyland and that they were welcome to come along but that I would be planning on vacationing in the frantic, frenetic Obnoxious family way. Surprisingly, they still wanted to come. The original idea was to go in September, but life got in the way. So I proposed that we go during December. Christmastime at Disneyland is amazing, and not too crowded. Plus, if we went early enough in December, kids would still be in school, which would mean that it would be even less crowded. Once I had explained just how magical it is, my roommates were keen on the idea.

Last month, I bought the plane tickets. It was a moment of celebration and jubilation because, now that our plane tickets were purchased, there was no going back! What had once only been talked about was now a reality.

The only problem was that there were three of us. Disneyland is best with even numbers. That way everyone can have a buddy on the rides.

Now, I don't know if I've conveyed this clearly before, but Little Brother. Loves. Disneyland. He was the one I consulted with as I planned the trip. When we were thinking of going in September, he told me all of the special attractions going on at that time. When the trip moved to December, he enthusiastically explained what he knew of the new Christmas World of Color attraction and told me what rides would be closed while I was there.

So, when I was later bemoaning the lack of a fourth person, my roommates asked if Little Brother might like to come. They even offered to help pay for Little Brother to come. That is the kind of love that Little Brother has for Disneyland. Other people actually want to pay for him to go to Disneyland because he loves it so much.

I said that the issue was not so much money; I might even be willing and able to pay for Little Brother to go if my parents couldn't. The real problem was that Little Brother would be in school during our trip, and it wouldn't be prudent for him to miss.

A few days later, I mentioned to my mom that my roommates had invited Little Brother on my trip. I mentioned it because I thought it was amusing, not because I thought there was any chance that he would be able to go. But Mom sort of stared off into the distance and got thoughtful.

"I might let him go," she said.

And a few days later, it was all settled. Mom and Dad would pay for Little Brother's Disneyland ticket and give him spending money, while I would pay for his plane ticket and let him stay in the hotel room for free. In trade-off, he would receive only small Christmas presents from me, the parents, and Santa on Christmas Day. Little Brother was over the moon, which is an expression that doesn't always make sense, but which totally worked in this situation. Little Brother was so happy he was practically floating, and it was not inconceivable that he could float right through the atmosphere and into outer space.

Actually, it would have been useful if he could have floated straight to Disneyland, because getting his ticket turned out to be a hassle.

I'd booked the tickets for myself, Pepper, and the Seamstress on Expedia. It was but the work of a moment to log on late one night and find the same flights we'd reserved. I then proceeded to book a ticket for Little Brother.

Except not really, because, as Expedia so graciously informed me, I couldn't book a ticket online for a minor flying solo.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: He's not flying solo! He's flying with his sister and his sister's roommates.

But that didn't seem to matter to Expedia. So I did the thing I dread so much and called Expedia up. When I finally reached a human person, the thickly accented girl asked me for my name.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: It's Awkward Mormon Girl.

EXPEDIA GIRL: Okay, Miss Awkward Mormon Girl. What can I do for you?

I explained that I needed to add a minor to my flight plans, but that I couldn't on Expedia's website.

EXPEDIA: Okay, Miss Awkward Mormon Girl, I completely understand that you want to take your child with you to California.

Normally I might have let that slide, but given that I was dealing with an airline who had all of my information and who would, if they were paying attention, quickly figure out that it was biologically impossible for me to be Little Brother's mother, I decided I'd better say something in the interest of transparency.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Oh, uh, I mean, you can probably see from my information you have pulled up there that I'm too young to—he's actually my brother.

After a very long and taxing conversation, I was informed that Expedia couldn't help me, but that if I called Delta directly, they could book Little Brother's ticket for me.

That led to another very long and taxing conversation.

DELTA GIRL: And which of the individuals in the flight plan will be bringing an infant?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Uh...so he's actually my brother.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: And he's a teenager.

After quite a bit of back and forth, of being put on hold, and of being asked Little Brother's personal information such as name, birthdate, blood type, and Hogwarts house, I was finally able to purchase a ticket.

Before I hung up with Delta, a thought struck me.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: And will this ticket be round trip, like mine?

DELTA GIRL: Your ticket's not round trip.

I quickly realized what was going on.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: So you're telling me that because the return ticket I purchased through Expedia is with a different airline, I will have to call that different airline and book a separate return ticket for my brother?

DELTA GIRL: Yes.

If I were the fainting type, I probably would have fainted right then.

One more phone call and another half hour later, everything was finally in order. Not long after, Pepper booked the hotel. Then I booked the Disneyland tickets. All we need now is reservations for transportation to and from the airport, and we'll be all set! It's going to be magical.

Fragments of Unfinished Posts

Sometimes it takes me months or years to write a blog post. More often than that, though, I start and then never finish posts that I don't feel right about for one reason or another.

Last night, I was going through drafts of unfinished posts and thought I'd share.

First, a fragment from a Christmas post that I eventually restarted and finished. It took me a good two years to write up what I was trying to say. Here's how part of the beginning originally went:

"Right this way," said the hostess. She started to take us to the fun part of the restaurant, where little wooden dividers separate everyone from everyone else so it's like being alone in a jungle of neon lights and plastic booth seats. And in that jungle, you can feel free to be yourself because it's just you and the people sitting with you. Also the waiter. Your secrets are safe with the waiter.

I also found a post titled "My Life as a Hobbit." It was a post trying to explain why I love hobbits so much. Also why I prefer the animated version of The Return of the King to the live-action movie. It was scattered, at best. The two memorable lines that I want to preserve are:

On a perilous quest to find my SAT scores in the depths of my bedroom, I stumbled across an unevenly cut piece of paper covered with my pre-teen scrawl.

and

If you like dragons, dwarves, and the white pony wearing sparkly armor, then you should not watch this movie. There are no dragons in this movie. No dwarves. And no sparkly-armor-clad ponies.

I also started a post called "The Road Goes Ever, Ever On." That's more hobbit stuff, for those of you unfamiliar. It was a post explaining why I decided to leave the country a few years ago. I will probably use that title eventually for a travel post, but it will be markedly different from the draft I stumbled across.

There was also a post about why my family loves Disneyland so much. That one just did not come together very well. I may try again at some point. I'd share a bit, but it's not that good.

Penultimately, I found a post called "Adventures in Book-Selling." This post was meant to describe my brief stint of unemployment during my last year of college. I'd felt like I should quit my fast food job but not look for another job for a little while. Strange as that was, I went ahead with it. In the two months where I didn't work, I tried to sell my textbooks on Amazon. Selling textbooks on Amazon would have been a lucrative career...if I hadn't been in college (the textbooks had to be mailed within a certain number of hours after the order was placed, which conflicted mightily with my school schedule) and if I'd had an unlimited supply of packaging (sometimes packaging and shipping cost more than the profits I made from the book).

This post didn't get very far, but here's what I opened with:

It's one thing to be in the grips of The Neediness. It's another thing entirely to be under the shadow of The Nothingness.

If The Neediness is when you care too much and feel extremely insecure, The Nothingness is when you don't care enough and are so self-satisfied you can't imagine changing whatsoever. The Neediness is unsteady, but The Nothingness is stagnation.

It probably would have been a real chipper post.

The last thing I found lost in the annals of Blogger was actually not a post. It was a draft that I filled with text messages copied off my phone. That way, I could delete texts off my phone to make room while still having a copy of the ones I wanted to remember. Such as:

Best Friend Boy: No problem. It was very nice to catch up. :)

And there we have it. All of the unfinished stuff floating around on Blogger. Hope you're gladdened by being able to see it, even if it's not in the originally intended form.

Of Irritation and Sheet Music

The day before I started high school, I went to band camp, where I met the other members of my high school band for the first time. That night, I wrote: I think I will actually learn a lot in Band this year.

I was right, but not in the way you might suppose.

There were three other girls and eight boys in the clarinet section with me. They all seemed like decent musicians and fine people. I had no problems with any of them...except for this one boy.

It's hard to explain why I disliked him so much. He was cute, he was well-dressed, he seemed smart and he seemed kind. But there was something about him, something...something...

Irritating. He was irritating.

He talked to everyone, even people he just met, as if they were old acquaintances picking up conversation right where they left off. I didn't like the pretense of this. He raised his hand during Algebra and asked the teacher to explain the problems again. Such interruptions slowed down the lecture portion of the class considerably and cut into the schoolwork portion. During clarinet sectionals, he offered words of advice and encouragement to the other players. I was stymied; nobody asked for his opinion, and I didn't understand why he felt the need to share it.

All of these things irritated me—maybe because I am such a guarded person. I keep myself closed and wrapped up tight, and I am naturally suspicious of people who seem likely to try to pry me open. At fifteen, I was especially adverse to those sort of people. Therefore, I was especially adverse to this boy. If he had talked to me like I was an old acquaintance, I would have spent the conversation thinking, "You don't know me, so stop acting like you do." If he had asked for my help with a math problem, I would have given the briefest explanation possible and quickly bent back over my work. If he had tried to offer me clarinet advice, my only response would have been to shrug.

But I didn't have to do any of those things. The boy and I didn't talk. In fact, although we had multiple classes together and were constantly near each other, I was convinced that he probably had no idea who I was. Fine by me. Relieving to me. It was better to be irritated from a distance than to be irritated up close and personal.

Then Christmas rolled around, and with it, the Hometown High Christmas band concert.

This next part is a little fuzzy. After all, I had better things to do during Christmas at fifteen years old then pay attention to insignificant details that I didn't know I would need later for a blog post. What I do remember, though, is that there was some problem with the sheet music for a few of the songs. Not enough copies, probably. Sometimes we had to share copies, and not all stand partners were great at taking turns bringing the music home for practice.

Whatever the case, I also remember that the boy and I were not stand partners (that would have required us to talk, which I was still avoiding). But we did play the same parts for some of the songs. And for some reason, which I still don't understand, the boy decided that I was the best person to borrow sheet music from.

Trying to pry me open is the number one thing you can do to make me suspicious of you. Asking to borrow something is the second, particularly if that thing is sheet music. I had way too many experiences in junior high with people borrowing my sheet music and never giving it back. Besides, the concert was just days away, and I had to practice.

He said he would make copies and bring it right back. My internal response was, "Yeah, right!" But what was I supposed to say? "Bah Humbug; you can't have it"? It was, after all, Christmas.

Reluctantly, I let him take the sheet music. I supposed I'd never see it again. Goodbye, sheet music.

Imagine my surprise when he returned it promptly. A day later? Maybe two days later? I'm not sure. But I was stunned. I didn't know what to say.

He knew what to say. He always knew what to say. He deposited the sheet music into my hands, chattered on about the best copy machine settings for sheet music, probably thanked me, and left.

It was a small thing. Not a big deal. But it sparked a new thought in me. The thought was: Maybe he's not so bad after all.

And that's how I began to become friends with Best Friend Boy.

Things You Must Not Do or Else You're a Terrible Person

1. Forget the Alamo.

2. Say, "Disneyland isn't fun if you're an adult."

3. Change the choreography when the choreographer's not there.

4. Say, "Cartoon movies aren't as good as live-action movies."

5. Insist that the Harry Potter movies are better than the books.

6. Insist that the Lord of the Rings movies are better than the books.

7. Insist that any movies are better than the books (except for How to Train Your Dragon; How to Train Your Dragon the movie > How to Train Your Dragon the book).

8. Misquote William Shakespeare.

9. Misquote Abraham Lincoln.

10. Misquote Jim Henson.


An actual quote from Jim Henson, courtesy of ToughPigs.

11. Say you don't like sushi when you actually haven't tried sushi.

12. Say, "You're an adult. You don't need anything for your birthday!"

13. Say, "You're an adult. You don't need anything for Christmas!"

And, my personal not-favorite, 14. Say, "You know what would be fun right now? If we talked about politics!"

It's Not Easy Being Green

Today at my work, we celebrated St. Patrick's Day.

One of the things that I love about my job is how festive everyone at my workplace is. Since I started there a year and a half ago, there have also been celebrations for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Puzzle Day, Valentines Day, Pi Day, spring cleaning, spring/Easter, Cinco de Mayo, and the 4th of July. That's not even counting the many times we've randomly been provided with pizza, sandwiches, Israeli food, snow cones, and massages.

Anyways, today at work everyone was wearing green, and we had a fun St. Patrick's Day potluck and limerick contest. The potluck dishes included salads, mashed potatoes with cabbage, fruits, veggies, chips, cornbread, artisan breads, and many, many desserts.

Earlier this week, when they were assigning potluck dishes, I signed up to bring some drinks. I know the people I work with, and I knew they would get super creative with their St. Patrick's Day-themed dishes. So creative, in fact, that it would almost be a competition. I decided to bring soda because, hey, less pressure. I went to the store and bought a Sprite and a lemonade.

I don't have a speck of Irish in me, and St. Patrick's Day isn't really a thing in my family. There's just one festive thing that my mom does every year: she puts some green food coloring in the milk. And then tells us all at breakfast that we've been visited by leprechauns and that they turned the milk green. Because turning milk green is what leprechauns are known for, probably.

Thinking I'd share the fun, I put a drop of green food coloring in each drink before I brought them to work today. I deposited the drinks in the break room and went about my business.

I sit near the break room, and I can hear almost everything that people say in there. Fifteen minutes before the potluck was due to start, I heard a lady say, "I noticed that this lemonade had already been opened, and I was worried about it. Then I realized what color it is, and that it was opened so that the person could put food coloring in it!"

And I was like, "Yeah, I mean, what's so sinister about opened lemonade, anyways?" Then it occurred to me that the lady probably was probably worrying that the lemonade was spiked. Because St. Patrick's Day. Awkward.

My only question was if she noticed that the Sprite was also opened? And also green? Sprite bottles are already green, so I suspect she did not realize. Bit of a shock for whoever poured the first glass.

Caroll Spinney: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

For Christmas, Little Sister and Baby Sister got tickets for Little Brother and me to a live showing of I Am Big Bird, followed by a question-and-answer session with Caroll Spinney. Caroll Spinney, for all you non-Muppet people, is the original performer of Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch.

Now, there are Muppet fans crazier than me. I know of some people who are so obsessed with Muppets that they would spend their life savings on a clipping from Jim Henson's ficus plant. Not that Jim Henson had a ficus plant. That I know of.

Anyways, I'm not as into Muppets as some people. But they do have a special place in my heart and life. Muppet Treasure Island is my second-favorite movie; MuppetVision 3-D is one of my favorite non-roller coaster attractions at Disneyland and Disney World; I have my share of Muppet merchandise. This love of Muppets has led me to want to know more about the amazing men who perform them. So getting to see Caroll Spinney, the man behind characters that have been beloved to me since I was a kid? Priceless. A great gift. Little Brother and I were very excited.

Yesterday, January 29th, was the long-awaited day. The night before, I kind of freaking out. Getting from my workplace to Kingsbury Hall before the performance started was going to be pretty stressful, even if everything went as planned. But if things didn't go as planned...well, let's just say I filled my purse with all kinds of things. My glasses, in case one of my contacts ripped or was irritating my eye. My phone charger, in case my phone died. A piece of paper with the addresses of Kingsbury Hall and the parking lot, in case my phone navigation went crazy like it did at Viola's wedding. Nothing would come between us and Caroll Spinney. No, nothing.

Except bad snow. Or if my car had another problem. I couldn't prepare for those things except to pray that they wouldn't happen. By the time we were supposed to go, I was really stressed out.

Stressfully, I drove Little Brother and myself to get sushi at the Happy Sumo. Stressfully, I paid for the sushi. Stressfully, I drove us out of the parking garage. And stressfully, I dropped my parking garage ticket under my seat.

I almost had a heart attack and died, right there in the parking garage. But I managed to recover the ticket and remain alive. Until I couldn't find the parking garage exit and almost had another heart attack. And so on and so forth. With lots of incidents of almost-cardiac arrest, we inched through the dark, rainy streets of Salt Lake City until we reached Kingsbury Hall.

By the time we got there, I was so stressed out, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to enjoy myself. But despite my misgivings, I parked Bernard in a parking space where we were joined by a lime-green car with a Kermit the Frog sticker in the window. I suspected the driver of this car was the kind of diehard Muppet fan I was describing earlier. There was probably a clipping of Jim Henson's ficus plant in the front seat.

We picked our tickets up from will call, went into the theatre, and sat down. And so the evening commenced.

First, there was the showing of the movie. It was a beautiful movie. Caroll Spinney is also a sort of artist-animator-cartoonist, and it looked like that either he had animated segments of the movie or someone else had animated them after his style. So it was a neat combination of home video, footage of Muppet productions, interviews, and animations of stories from Caroll's past.

My only complaint about the movie...well, I love Steve Whitmire. He is my favorite Muppeteer. Caroll Spinney actually discovered him. So at the portion of the movie when Jim Henson died and Steve Whitmire was chosen to play Kermit the Frog, Caroll started talking about Steve. I was excited because I thought I might hear some cool Steve stories. Caroll Spinney said something like, "He was a talented young puppeteer." Then they showed a clip of Steve Whitmire waving at the camera on a Muppet set or something. Aaaand that was the end of the Steve Whitmire portion of the movie. Boo.

But anyways, great movie. I laughed a lot and cried a lot and even coughed a lot after choking on my own tears. By the end of it, my stress had almost completely melted away. Although I already knew a lot of the things they mentioned in the movie, I learned a lot I'd never heard before. Also, in the words of Little Brother, "Caroll Spinney and his wife are the cutest couple ever!"

The movie ended. Everybody applauded. And then from the back of the theatre, Caroll Spinney and his wife Debra began to walk down the aisle, and everybody leapt to their feet and applauded some more.

"That was so weird!" Little Brother said during the brief intermission between the movie and the question-and-answer. "We just saw them on the screen, and then they were in the theatre!"

"Like MuppetVision 3D," I suggested.

"Caroll Spinney 3D."

Around us, everybody was chatting excitedly about the movie. I saw people raising their hands in the air and opening and closing their fingers in an imitation of the way Caroll puppeteered Big Bird, marveling at the skill and talent it takes to make a Muppet come to life. I knew that's what they were doing because I've often done it myself. The Muppeteers are among some of the greatest actors in the world. They not only do amazing acting, but they do it through a body that doesn't even belong to them. Acting is hard enough without going through an additional medium!

Then it was time for the Q&A. The mediator (who was some guy from KUED named Ken Verdoia who is probably famous but whom I don't care about) invited those of us with the not-so-good seats in the back to move closer, which we did with pleasure. Then Caroll and Debra came out, and everybody stood and applauded again. We would have stood and applauded for Caroll Spinney all day because Caroll Spinney.

So, they all sat down onstage. Debra Spinney had a gigantic purse, like maybe she had a phone charger and her extra glasses in there. But the gigantic purse was quickly forgotten as Ken Verdoia (whoever he is) started asking questions.

First, he asked a broad, sweeping question about Caroll Spinney's career.

Now, the movie talked about how Caroll met Jim Henson and ended up working for him. Caroll was performing at a puppetry festival in Salt Lake City. His act was a disaster, but Jim, who was watching, thought he handled it well, so he offered Caroll a job working on Sesame Street.

This was one of the animated portions of the movie. While we were watching it, I noticed that the animation of the theatre looked like Kingsbury Hall, right down to the murals on the wall. But my suspicions weren't confirmed until during the Q&A when Caroll said something like, "Well, the story begins here." He said that the performance had happened in Kingsbury Hall. "Jim was sitting right over there." He pointed.

And then I almost had a heart attack again because Jim Henson, one of my heroes, had been in this building! Wow!!!

I studied Caroll as he talked. He was wearing a green pants, a brown shirt, and a tan jacket. As for the rest of him...I don't have a picture, but this random picture from the Internet suffices.

I think that's even the same jacket!

He's about the same age as my grandmother, and he had the same tendency to start telling a story in the middle of another story. But never mind that; the audience ate up everything he said. He would occasionally go into Big Bird's voice as he talked, and the audience just couldn't get enough of that. There was more applause every time. Also, he had a very little-kiddish air about him. He talked about Snuffy as if he were real; he talked about all the puppets as if they were real. Which, you know, they are to so many people. But he had no self-consciousness about it whatsoever.

Ken Verdoia also took questions from the audience. There were two little kids who had brought puppets who asked questions. At their age, I probably would have asked dumb questions, or used my puppet to ask the questions. But these kids were way smarter than I was. One asked if Caroll had any advice for young puppeteers.

Caroll gave a pragmatic answer. Then Ken Verdoia started rambling on, saying something like, "Hold onto your dream...people will tell you you're crazy...and then when you become a puppeteer, hold onto something special..."

And I was like, "What are you talking about, Ken Verdoia? Nobody wants your advice. Nobody's even here to see you!" But then I realized he was trying to work up a bit of an intro segue thing, because out of Debra Spinney's gigantic purse came Oscar the Grouch!

Another random picture from the Internet.

I've heard a lot about the relationship between the Muppet and the Muppeteer, but this was my first time seeing it in action. As soon as he was out of the bag, Oscar said something grumpy. Caroll chided him, and Oscar turned around to Caroll and said, "Who are you?"

Later, somebody mentioned puppets.

OSCAR: I hate puppets!

CAROLL: He doesn't mean that.

The other little kid asked, "What makes an act funny?"

Being an improv comedian myself, I was especially interested in Caroll's response. Here's what he said: "You gain a lot from the audience. The audience is part of the show."

Anyways, Caroll and Debra shared stories with us. They talked about the work and some of the performers Caroll worked with. They answered some more questions from the audience and from Ken Verdoia. Soon, regrettably, the evening was over.

Ken Verdoia, I guess trying the whole thing altogether, was all, "That's the great thing about Big Bird. A bird teaches us how to be better people." And then Caroll and Debra left the theatre, and everybody stood up and applauded again.

So Little Brother and I left, awash in the magic of an amazing performer from an amazing tradition. We have no photos of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so the way I'm trying to preserve this amazing experience is by turning it into this story. Memories fade, but stories can be read over and over. And better yet, they can be shared. So now that you've read this, it's kind of like you, too, got to go see Caroll Spinney: the man, the myth, the legend.