Roadside Assistance

The following story takes place on my most recent birthday:

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: (to Madam President) Do you wanna go on a walk?

MADAM PRESIDENT: Can I take you someplace to celebrate your birthday instead?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: How can I say no to that?

MADAM PRESIDENT: Okay! I need to get gas, though. Hopefully we don't run out.

Our heroines get in Madam President's car. Four blocks later...

MADAM PRESIDENT: We're out of gas.

Undaunted, they call Madam President's sister. Awakened from her nap, the sister kindly drops off a gas can at their location.

MADAM PRESIDENT: Hmm. I've never done this before...

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Nor have I.

With some apprehension, they strive to uncover the secrets of the gas can.

MADAM PRESIDENT: (using all her gas can skillz) Okay... So it opens like this...and then this thing here actually becomes the nozzle...

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: (stands next to Madam President and tries to make appropriately supportive comments)

MADAM PRESIDENT: I think I've got it.

She hefts the heavy gas can. Awkward Mormon Girl helps lift it to the gas tank opening. They place the nozzle inside and pour.

The gasoline does not waterfall smoothly through the nozzle and into the gas tank. It inexplicably cascades from the base of the nozzle instead. Madam President's shoes are drenched, and so are Awkward Mormon Girl's hands.

MADAM PRESIDENT: Happy birthday!

Madam President tries to flag down passing cars. After a few no-gos, a man in a truck stops and looks at our heroines questioningly.

MADAM PRESIDENT: Can you help us? We're incompetent.