Finding Kathryn

"I'm not sure if I have the right number, but I think I do. I'm looking for a Kathryn Ramin or a Kathryn Atwood--she went by both names. Um, this a family member. Can you call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx? Again, xxx-xxx-xxxx. This is California, Beverly from California calling. Can you call me back either way and let me know if I got the wrong number? This is--this is really important. Thank you very much and have a nice day. And it's 3:40 California time."

I've mentioned Kathryn before.

When I got my first phone, I was terribly excited. I mean, what's not to love about cellular phones? Making phone calls is terrifying, but nobody uses their cell to call people anyways so there was nothing to worry about. I was free to worship and adore my new phone.

Except apparently some people didn't get the memo that cell phones aren't for actually calling people. It wasn't long before a call came in.

Who could possibly be calling me? I wondered. Hardly anyone had my new number.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Is Kathryn there?" the person on the other end asked.

I told the person they had the wrong number and hung up, assuming that would be the end of it.

But it was only the beginning.

For six years, I've received urgent calls for Kathryn from various financial institutions. From people who are probably friends. From people who probably aren't.

I've gotten voice mails from a guy who said Kathryn had to meet with him "or else." I even picked up a call from a guy who'd found a Frisbee with my number on it.

"Do you want me to mail it to you?" he asked, sounding all sorts of proud of himself for going to such great lengths to safely return this lost item.

"It's not mine," I said.

"But it has this phone number on it," he said. I had a very hard time convincing him that I'd never owned a Frisbee much less lost one.

As I hung up, I thought, It's probably Kathryn's.

This has been going on for six years. It's partly annoying, partly entertaining, but overall very mysterious.

Who is Kathryn? Why did she cancel her number six years ago and never let her bank, her friends, or her Frisbee know? Is she on the lam? A technology fast? The moon?

I never thought I'd ever get any answers about Kathryn.

Then I got that voice mail from Beverly from California.

I hardly ever respond to messages for Kathryn left on my phone. My voicemail recording is very clear about what my name is. People leave me messages for someone else at their own risk. But how could I not respond to this?

Within minutes of hearing the voice message, I returned the call.

Ring ring ring. The phone was picked up.

"Is this Beverly?" I asked.

'Twas Beverly, indeed.

"You called me looking for someone named Kathryn."

The disappointment was heavy in Beverly's voice when she realized that I, clearly, was not Kathryn.

I wanted to ask why Beverly needed to find Kathryn so desperately, but I was saved the trouble of inquiring when Beverly began to tell me herself.

Beverly explained that her nephew is looking for his father, whom he's never met. Beverly hired a private investigator to find the nephew's father. Because the nephew's father is also Kathryn's father, the private investigator had turned up Kathryn's phone number and given it to Beverly.

The problem with that plan is that Kathryn's number is, of course, not Kathryn's number but mine. Which obviously was frustrating to Beverly because now how the heck is she going to find Kathryn to find her nephew's father?

And I was like, "I know how you feel. I can't find half the people on my visiting teaching list myself."

Anyways, after the conversation with Beverly, my curiosity about Kathryn was more deeply stirred. Because I fancy myself something of a detective, I got online and searched the social media sites for a likely-looking Kathryn/Katherine/Catherine Atwood-or-Ramin.

No such luck. Not even when I used key words like "Utah" or "Frisbee."

The conclusion of this story is that no one knows where the heck Kathryn is, except hopefully Kathryn herself. So I think I'll do an internet shout out right now, just in case Kathryn ever happens upon this blog.

KATHRYN! KATHRYN ATWOOD-OR-RAMIN! IF YOU READ THIS, BEVERLY FROM CALIFORNIA IS LOOKING FOR YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HER LAST NAME IS. POSSIBLY HILLS. BUT YOU SHOULD CALL HER. THAT IS ALL.

*Since it's a shout-out, it has to be in all-caps to make it look like I'm shouting.