It's been a crummy year so far.
My life hasn't been the hardest life; my struggles aren't the hardest struggles. I've had some difficult experiences over the years, but much of what I've lost or given up is made up to me in other ways. I've truly been blessed for my difficulties.
However, I've never had a year quite like 2015. 2015 was bad coming out of the starting gate. Problem after problem has been thrown at me, and the minute I get one problem into a somewhat manageable state, something else is added to the mix. Also, I have not seen many blessings come out of these difficulties...yet. I'm sure there's a purpose to all of this, but it looks like I will have to wait for that purpose to be made manifest.
In the meantime, one of the best ways for me to get through a spot of trouble is to look or plan for things to look forward to. I can get a lot of emotional currency out of the joy of anticipation.
Before the New York City trip, I looked forward to that. I looked forward to the food, the culture, the excitement of going someplace that I'd never, ever been. I especially looked forward to the Jim Henson exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image.
When we first started planning our trip to New York, my sisters and I made a long list of everything we wanted to do while we were there. I chose the Jim Henson exhibit, which wasn’t open yet, but they promised that, upon the opening in March 2015, exhibit visitors could see 500 Jim Henson artifacts including 25 puppets including Gobo Fraggle!!!
My sisters agreed; Little Sister because she loves Muppets too, Older Sister because she knew I really wanted to go. However, Older Sister was concerned because the museum was in Queens, which is a ways from Times Square. She was so concerned that, from that point until the day before we were scheduled to go to the museum, Older Sister informed anybody and everybody who would listen to her just how far away the Museum of the Moving Image was.
To our parents: “Awkward Mormon Girl really wants to go to this museum that’s far away from everything else.”
To Glory: “The other museum that we’re going to is in Queens, and it’s not by anything else. We’re going because there’s an exhibit there that Awkward Mormon Girl wants to see.”
To Peeta: “We’re going to the Museum of the Moving Image, which is a little far, because Awkward Mormon Girl really wants to go.”
But these comments couldn't ruin my excitement. Nothing could. The exhibit became my happy place. In the months leading up to the trip, each time something difficult happened, I would think, "Jim Henson. Muppets. Fraggles. I am going to see Gobo Fraggle." And nothing could take that away from me.
On Wednesday morning, I got up early and put on my Wembley Fraggle shirt. As I put on my jeans with one hand, I used the other hand to look up information about the exhibit on my iPod.
Some fifteen minutes later, I was frozen in the exact same position, one leg in my jeans, one leg out, staring at the iPod screen.
My sisters and Glory got up and prepared for the day. As Older Sister began to make her usual comments about how far we had to go, I blurted out something like, "The exhibit opening was delayed. It's not open." And then I started to cry. In a year of disappointments, it was just one disappointment too many.
Then I flung myself upon my and Little Sister's hotel bed and gave up on life. At least, I gave up on going downstairs for breakfast. Because, as Anne Shirley says, how can one eat when they're in the depths of despair?
My sisters and Glory were sad on my behalf. Before they went to get breakfast, Older Sister said, "We'll do whatever you want when we get back."
I unenthusiastically flipped through my guidebook. Jewish Children's Museum? In Brooklyn, which is almost as far away as Queens. Children's Television Workshop? Apparently they don't do tours. What in the name of Jim Henson was there to do in New York City? Answer: everything. But what was there for a disappointed girl in her twenties who has very specific interests?
Then I remembered something that I wanted to see.
When Older Sister, Little Sister, and Glory returned, I made a grand announcement in the style of Sokka: "I WOULD LIKE TO SPEND MY VACATION AT THE LIBRARY!" Except I made this announcement without yelling. Or pointing my finger dramatically in the air. Or saying those words. But in my mind, it was in the style of Sokka.
Instead, I very normally told them that I wanted to go the New York Public Library. And to the NBC store to look for a birthday gift for Baby Sister. And then, we had to stop and have an interesting, real lunch--not a tiny, hurried lunch.
Older Sister, our leader, agreed to my terms. She also suggested that we go to the Magnolia Bakery, a place that I'd heard had amazing cupcakes but which we previously had not had time to go to, and to the American Girl Doll Place.
So, over the course of just a few hours, we did the Make Awkward Mormon Girl Feel Better Tour of New York City.
First stop: Magnolia Bakery. Older Sister seemed to be skeptical of my assurances that this bakery had famously delicious cupcakes. So it was validating to arrive at the bakery and learn that they had a separate line just for selling cupcakes. I bought a chocolate cupcake; Little Sister bought a coconut cream cupcake. The workers boxed our cupcakes in adorable little boxes. We ate them later, back in the hotel room. My cupcake was simple, but amazing. The chocolate buttercream frosting was to die for.
Second stop: the NBC store in the Rockefeller Center. Supposedly, they sell a lot of cool TV show stuff, but there wasn't much. This may have been due to the fact that about half the store seemed to be roped off for some reason. I did not get Baby Sister a present there. However, in the Rockefeller Center, Older Sister and Glory decided to drop in what would be aptly called The Most Expensive Chocolate Shop Ever. They bought a $5 macaron that they then split. The shop workers, probably feeling sorry for how poor we were, also offered us each a small sample of a rich, dark chocolate.
Third stop: The American Girl Doll Place. I wished that I was still ten years old, or that I'd at least brought my American Girl doll to New York with me, because this place was great. You could shop for your doll, get your hair done with your doll, and buy both real treats and plastic doll treats at the little bakery. There were even doll holders in the bathroom stalls. We looked at eating lunch at the cafe, but a plate of food was almost as much as my doll Molly's school outfit cost.
Fourth stop: the New York Public Library!!! The famous lions were featured in the Jim Henson Company show Between the Lions, which meant that it was a vaguely Muppet-related place. Also, libraries and I are like chocolate and hazelnut. Which is to say that we are a delicious combination that works well together. I took a picture with one of the stone lions. What I really wanted was a picture of the whole front of the library, but we were too close. Also, this guy complimented me on my Wembley Fraggle shirt, which I said thanks to, which he took as a sign that I wanted him to tell me all about Greenpeace. We fled into the library to escape him, and also because, again, libraries.
After that, I reminded Older Sister that part of the Make Awkward Mormon Girl Feel Better Tour of New York City was to get lunch. Real lunch. She protested that she wanted quickie lunch, but I reminded her that I had specified lunch up front as one of my needs. So we ate at this place called The Kati Roll Company, which was basically Indian food but in wraps. The things you find in New York City. We ate these wraps sitting at an outdoor market area, where we also obtained some more (cheaper) macarons.
Thus ended the Make Awkward Mormon Girl Feel Better Tour of New York City. It didn't make up for my disappointment, but I so appreciated the efforts of my sisters and Glory. And (supposedly) the Jim Henson exhibit opens before the end of this year, so if I ever go to NYC again, I can check it out. It's something to look forward to.
My life hasn't been the hardest life; my struggles aren't the hardest struggles. I've had some difficult experiences over the years, but much of what I've lost or given up is made up to me in other ways. I've truly been blessed for my difficulties.
However, I've never had a year quite like 2015. 2015 was bad coming out of the starting gate. Problem after problem has been thrown at me, and the minute I get one problem into a somewhat manageable state, something else is added to the mix. Also, I have not seen many blessings come out of these difficulties...yet. I'm sure there's a purpose to all of this, but it looks like I will have to wait for that purpose to be made manifest.
In the meantime, one of the best ways for me to get through a spot of trouble is to look or plan for things to look forward to. I can get a lot of emotional currency out of the joy of anticipation.
Before the New York City trip, I looked forward to that. I looked forward to the food, the culture, the excitement of going someplace that I'd never, ever been. I especially looked forward to the Jim Henson exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image.
When we first started planning our trip to New York, my sisters and I made a long list of everything we wanted to do while we were there. I chose the Jim Henson exhibit, which wasn’t open yet, but they promised that, upon the opening in March 2015, exhibit visitors could see 500 Jim Henson artifacts including 25 puppets including Gobo Fraggle!!!
My sisters agreed; Little Sister because she loves Muppets too, Older Sister because she knew I really wanted to go. However, Older Sister was concerned because the museum was in Queens, which is a ways from Times Square. She was so concerned that, from that point until the day before we were scheduled to go to the museum, Older Sister informed anybody and everybody who would listen to her just how far away the Museum of the Moving Image was.
To our parents: “Awkward Mormon Girl really wants to go to this museum that’s far away from everything else.”
To Glory: “The other museum that we’re going to is in Queens, and it’s not by anything else. We’re going because there’s an exhibit there that Awkward Mormon Girl wants to see.”
To Peeta: “We’re going to the Museum of the Moving Image, which is a little far, because Awkward Mormon Girl really wants to go.”
But these comments couldn't ruin my excitement. Nothing could. The exhibit became my happy place. In the months leading up to the trip, each time something difficult happened, I would think, "Jim Henson. Muppets. Fraggles. I am going to see Gobo Fraggle." And nothing could take that away from me.
On Wednesday morning, I got up early and put on my Wembley Fraggle shirt. As I put on my jeans with one hand, I used the other hand to look up information about the exhibit on my iPod.
Some fifteen minutes later, I was frozen in the exact same position, one leg in my jeans, one leg out, staring at the iPod screen.
My sisters and Glory got up and prepared for the day. As Older Sister began to make her usual comments about how far we had to go, I blurted out something like, "The exhibit opening was delayed. It's not open." And then I started to cry. In a year of disappointments, it was just one disappointment too many.
Then I flung myself upon my and Little Sister's hotel bed and gave up on life. At least, I gave up on going downstairs for breakfast. Because, as Anne Shirley says, how can one eat when they're in the depths of despair?
My sisters and Glory were sad on my behalf. Before they went to get breakfast, Older Sister said, "We'll do whatever you want when we get back."
I unenthusiastically flipped through my guidebook. Jewish Children's Museum? In Brooklyn, which is almost as far away as Queens. Children's Television Workshop? Apparently they don't do tours. What in the name of Jim Henson was there to do in New York City? Answer: everything. But what was there for a disappointed girl in her twenties who has very specific interests?
Then I remembered something that I wanted to see.
When Older Sister, Little Sister, and Glory returned, I made a grand announcement in the style of Sokka: "I WOULD LIKE TO SPEND MY VACATION AT THE LIBRARY!" Except I made this announcement without yelling. Or pointing my finger dramatically in the air. Or saying those words. But in my mind, it was in the style of Sokka.
Instead, I very normally told them that I wanted to go the New York Public Library. And to the NBC store to look for a birthday gift for Baby Sister. And then, we had to stop and have an interesting, real lunch--not a tiny, hurried lunch.
Older Sister, our leader, agreed to my terms. She also suggested that we go to the Magnolia Bakery, a place that I'd heard had amazing cupcakes but which we previously had not had time to go to, and to the American Girl Doll Place.
So, over the course of just a few hours, we did the Make Awkward Mormon Girl Feel Better Tour of New York City.
First stop: Magnolia Bakery. Older Sister seemed to be skeptical of my assurances that this bakery had famously delicious cupcakes. So it was validating to arrive at the bakery and learn that they had a separate line just for selling cupcakes. I bought a chocolate cupcake; Little Sister bought a coconut cream cupcake. The workers boxed our cupcakes in adorable little boxes. We ate them later, back in the hotel room. My cupcake was simple, but amazing. The chocolate buttercream frosting was to die for.
Second stop: the NBC store in the Rockefeller Center. Supposedly, they sell a lot of cool TV show stuff, but there wasn't much. This may have been due to the fact that about half the store seemed to be roped off for some reason. I did not get Baby Sister a present there. However, in the Rockefeller Center, Older Sister and Glory decided to drop in what would be aptly called The Most Expensive Chocolate Shop Ever. They bought a $5 macaron that they then split. The shop workers, probably feeling sorry for how poor we were, also offered us each a small sample of a rich, dark chocolate.
Third stop: The American Girl Doll Place. I wished that I was still ten years old, or that I'd at least brought my American Girl doll to New York with me, because this place was great. You could shop for your doll, get your hair done with your doll, and buy both real treats and plastic doll treats at the little bakery. There were even doll holders in the bathroom stalls. We looked at eating lunch at the cafe, but a plate of food was almost as much as my doll Molly's school outfit cost.
Fourth stop: the New York Public Library!!! The famous lions were featured in the Jim Henson Company show Between the Lions, which meant that it was a vaguely Muppet-related place. Also, libraries and I are like chocolate and hazelnut. Which is to say that we are a delicious combination that works well together. I took a picture with one of the stone lions. What I really wanted was a picture of the whole front of the library, but we were too close. Also, this guy complimented me on my Wembley Fraggle shirt, which I said thanks to, which he took as a sign that I wanted him to tell me all about Greenpeace. We fled into the library to escape him, and also because, again, libraries.
After that, I reminded Older Sister that part of the Make Awkward Mormon Girl Feel Better Tour of New York City was to get lunch. Real lunch. She protested that she wanted quickie lunch, but I reminded her that I had specified lunch up front as one of my needs. So we ate at this place called The Kati Roll Company, which was basically Indian food but in wraps. The things you find in New York City. We ate these wraps sitting at an outdoor market area, where we also obtained some more (cheaper) macarons.
Thus ended the Make Awkward Mormon Girl Feel Better Tour of New York City. It didn't make up for my disappointment, but I so appreciated the efforts of my sisters and Glory. And (supposedly) the Jim Henson exhibit opens before the end of this year, so if I ever go to NYC again, I can check it out. It's something to look forward to.
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