The Windows Do Not Clean Themselves

Once I read this story called "The End Sings Itself." By the denouement of the story, the apocalyptic setting is suffering from an epidemic that makes it impossible for people to sing. So the end has to sing itself, because there's no one else around to do the job.

I've never been able to decide if I find that title clever in a lyrical way, or just really, really pretentious. Among other things, it's a story, not a song, and why does the end have to be sung anyways? Answer: Because that's the way things are done in Writer Land. And Writer Land also has a fine balance between cleverness and pretentiousness.

Pretentious or clever, the end sings itself. You know what don't sing themselves?

Windows. And they sure don't clean themselves, either.

Okay, okay. Lots of things don't clean themselves. Dishes. My family's house. My hair. All those things have to be cleaned. So I clean them... some more than others.

The reason windows are way more frustrating than dishes or a house or my hair is because they are impossible to clean.

No joke. The other day I saw a dirty window. I cleaned it. Both sides, all nice with Windex. I finished the job, stepped back, and-

-it was still dirty.

I got more Windex. I scrubbed harder. Good? Nope, still dirty.

I looked at the window from several distances and angles, making sure I took note of every little smudge. Then I sprayed those spots with a ton of Windex and scrubbed hard enough to descale a reptile.

In spite of all the reptiles that would have lost their scales under my hands, the window still retained its dirt.

I ask you, how is this possible? Is window dirt super-specially-resistant? Does Windex make it multiply? Does window glass regenerate its smudges every time someone endeavours to remove them?

Anyone who comes across me in the next few days may well hear me muttering to myself, "Windows, why do you always have to be so difficult?" They'll either conclude that I'm insane because I'm talking to an inanimate object or that I have a rather frustrating, but completely unrelated-to-housework, problem with my computer's operating system.