That Which Must Not Be Named

I'm at that age where most people I meet invariably ask me what my profession is. Sometimes I seriously think about off-handedly responding with, "Oh, I'm a world traveler."

Now while in a sense that's not strictly true, in another sense it is. I mean, I have been to two different continents and a Pacific Island chain. Even if I'd never set foot outside of Utah in my entire life, I would still literally be a world traveler. 'Cause I live in the world, and I travel. I meet all of the qualifications, really.

Another answer I've considered giving is, "Oh, I'm a comedian." That, however, is even less strictly true. So world traveler it is.

One of the things that we world travelers do is hike in the Alps.

When I was in Europe, my group crossed from Austria to Italy through the Brenner Pass. Austrian authorities wouldn't let my group hike on their side of the pass because of lingering snow, so we drove through and then hiked up on the Italian side. We'd bought sack lunches from the youth hostel complete with self-made sandwiches. The selection of sandwich makings was not what I was used to. I ended up with a sandwich of bacon and cucumbers, and some butter to keep it from being dry.

"Yum?" I thought as I packed it. At least I had two apples and other stuff.

I was one of the first ones up the pass. I slept more than my trip mates and drank less alcohol, which probably helped. Also, the trail was really steep and really painful, so I booked it up the mountainside, trying to get the whole thing over with as soon as possible.

And was it worth it! The Austrian-Italian border is beautiful!

"Is anyone else tempted to start singing The Sound of Music?" I asked.

"I wasn't," said someone, "but now that you mention it..."

"Don't speak of it," Professor Everything, one of our chaperones, said, "or I will fail you."

"Speak of what?"

"That Which Must Not Be Named."

"Which is what?"

"We must not name it."

One of my roommates had caught the first half if the conversation. "If we all start singing it, you can't fail us all."

"Watch me," said Professor Everything dryly.

After some ten minutes of taking pictures of the beautiful scenery and not singing, we hiked back down the steep trail. Rain had started. The trail was slippery and muddy. We'd planned to eat lunch on the way down, and the fact that there was nowhere to stop deterred the chaperones not one whit. We leaned up against a shelf of rock on one side of the trail and ate straight from our backpacks.

Shivering, I bit into my sandwich.

"Yum," I thought, and this time it was not a question. Bacon, cucumbers, and butter are surprisingly delicious.

I looked at the trail around me and was satisfied. Eating an odd sandwich while standing on a trail through the Alps in the cold rain is freezing and uncomfortable, but more than that, it's just really cool. You should try it sometime.