My Week with Blue Apron

A Muppet fansite I used to frequent often did "My Week" series. For example, they'd do "My Week with Fraggle Rock," where they'd watch an episode of Fraggle Rock every day for a week and then give a snarky review at the end.

I regret to inform you that because of the way Blue Apron works, I'm unable to cook a recipe from them every day for a whole week, so I don't have seven snarky reviews for you. I do, however, have two reviews to share!

The two recipes that I chose from Blue Apron for this week are Shanghai Kung Pao Chicken with Stir-Fried Peas, Sweet Peppers, & Bird's Eye Chile and Seared Steak with Roasted Potatoes & Caper Aioli.

First Impressions: I think it's a requirement that you feel a rush of excitement when you open a box from a subscription service. I certainly did when I opened my Blue Apron box. All of the food was cold and packaged nicely, and I was able to recycle a lot of the packaging.

The best part, though, was the recipes. They're presented so prettily on nice paper! Also, I was pleased to find a bonus recipe in the box. Do they put a bonus recipe in every week? Dunno, but it was a nice touch. This bonus recipe was for Wild Alaska Pollock Au Pouvre. Obviously, they didn't put ingredients in the box to make the bonus recipe, but I look forward to trying it sometime. 

I sorted the ingredients by recipe, put them in the fridge, and waited for Monday night to try my hand at cooking with Blue Apron.

My understanding of Blue Apron is that the business model is geared towards: 1) people who don't know how to cook but want to learn, 2) people who know how to cook but have more money than time, and 3) people who know how to cook but struggle to find new recipes.

I fall mostly under categories 2) and 3). I fall slightly under category 1) in that I don't know how to cook certain things and would like to learn. Three of the four recipes I chose featured entrees I'd never cooked before.

I started by trying the Shanghai Kung Pao Chicken with Stir-Fried Peas, Sweet Peppers, & Bird's Eye Chile! This was a special Air BnB-partnered recipe. I make rice dishes with veggies and chicken all the time, so it wasn't a big stretch for me. I chose it because it looked tasty and because I'm always looking for a good rice dish.

The ingredients!

First off, Blue Apron markets their meals as taking less than an hour to make. However, this recipe required the chopping of no less than five items, along with some other prep. I am a meticulous chopper; also my mind tends to wander while I chop, so I knew I would not be able to make the dinner that quickly. The chicken was pre-chopped though, which I liked.

The recipe mostly involved sauteing assorted veggies. The recommended heat settings proved to be much too vigorous for my stove/pan/altitude/something. The garlic burned slightly, as did, well, pretty much everything.

Once the veggies and chicken were sauteed and the rice was sitting on the stove, it was time to add the kung pao sauce. I was annoyed to discover that the mixture included mirin (alcohol). Cooking with alcohol doesn't necessarily violate my religious health code, but I prefer not to use it. I wish I'd had a heads-up!

After everything had cooked together, I performed the last step of fishing out the bird's eye chile (which actually burned my hands while I was chopping it because it was so spicy; it was clearly not edible unless you are a maniac). Then I dished up a bowl, noting with pleasure that there was enough food for three servings rather than the two Blue Apron advertises.

The Verdict: I liked the mix of veggies! I'd never cooked with snap peas before, and they were very good. The food was pretty spicy...almost too spicy...on account of the chile. My main complaint, however...well, I don't think I've ever had kung pao chicken, so maybe this was my fault, but I was not expecting it to taste so strongly of soy sauce. When I picked the recipe, I thought the sauce would be sweeter.

What I'd Do Differently: I'm planning to make this again sometime, but I've already found a honey-based sauce to use instead. Also, since I don't think my grocery store sells bird's eye chiles, I might have to leave it out or use a more mild chile for the flavoring instead.

Next up was the Seared Steak with Roasted Potatoes & Caper Aioli. I make steak for myself a couple times a year, but always in the oven, and it's never as good as I want it to be. I've also never made kale, roasted potatoes, or aioli. I was excited to try!

This recipe actually did take under an hour! The preparations were minimal. I had to chop the kale, the potatoes, and the capers.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Who chops capers?!

I repeated this several times while I was, yes, chopping the capers. It was difficult, and I'm still not convinced it was entirely necessary.

I also had to chop and mash the garlic "into a paste". I usually just use pre-chopped garlic, but I didn't have it on hand this time. Also I wanted to see what this paste thing was all about. However, I was unable to make a paste. I just ended up with flat bits of garlic.

First I mixed the aioli (which had sherry vinegar...again with the alcohol). This aioli consisted of mayonnaise, the vinegar, some of the garlic not-paste, and the capers. I was curious how that was going to taste. I coated the potatoes in oil, salt, pepper, and a Blue Apron-provided seasoning blend that smelled like spicy nutmeg and Old Bay Seasoning. Then, while the potatoes were roasting, I seared the steak.

The first thing I thought when I unwrapped the steak was "Hey, that's a pretty nice piece of steak!"

You may be thinking, "Awkward Mormon Girl, that's not that nice of a steak! I eat steak like that at home all the time." Well...I don't. I always do the flatter steaks that are about as cheap as they can possibly be while still being steaks. I never cooked a New York strip steak so fat and juicy.

The last step was cooking the kale. I was skeptical of the kale. I'm not a big kale fan, and there was a lot of it. However, I was happy to give Blue Apron a chance to prove me wrong.

So. Much. Kale.

Once again, I was able to get three servings out of the meal (though I had to be miserly with the steak). Everything looked very beautiful plated.

The Verdict: The steak was amazing! So good! I've been converted to pan-seared steak for sure. The potatoes were a bit underdone (maybe should have been chopped smaller or cooked longer or both), and the secret spice blend Blue Apron provided to season them didn't impress me. The kale was way better than expected, but it was still kale. Blue Apron didn't specify what the aioli was for—the steak? the potatoes? the kale?—so I just put it on everything. It was delicious! I especially loved it on the steak.

What I'd Do Differently: Find a different potato spice blend. Maybe even skip the potatoes in favor of a different type of potato? Swap the kale for spinach, which I still don't love but which I think is more palatable than kale. Try a different vinegar in the aioli if I can find a viable substitute.

I sure had fun trying this out! I'm looking forward to one more week of Blue Apron.

On the Way Home

Context: This post is about a trip to San Diego.

Before we started flying on our Disney trips, we'd drive through Las Vegas on our way to California, and we'd always stay in Virgin River in a place called the Virgin River Inn. And casino. The casino always intimidated me slightly, with its thick red carpet and flashing lights on the machines and the slight smell of cigarette smoke. The buffet was really good though (which was why I can tell you what the casino was like—our parents walked us through the casino to get to the buffet).

We had a room booked in the Virgin River Inn for our return trip, and I was looking forward to seeing my old haunt and eating at the buffet. However, on our way to San Diego, we passed through a dinky Nevada town called Primm, which had two casino-hotels called Buffalo Bill's and Whiskey Pete's. My mother had a brilliant idea, which was that if we booked a hotel in Primm and canceled our reservation at the Virgin River Inn, we could spend more time with her brother because our room for the night would be that much closer to San Diego. My father acquiesced to this wish, leading us to leave San Diego around three instead of around noon as originally planned.

Since I was mainly on the trip to be a driving slave, I drove about one-third of the time, and that was not fun (especially in the Las Vegas traffic). We eventually made it home safely the next day, but I',m going to skip over all that and just tell you about Buffalo Bill's Resort & Casino!

By the time we got there, it was kind of late (late for road-tripping, anyway), and we were all kinds of exhausted. I have actual gaps in my memory of arriving, although I do remember this dialogue happening as we got out of the vehicle:

MOM: Something something a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

A BROTHER: A bird in the hand is worth two in the tush.

A BROTHER: A bird in the bush is worth two in the tush!

We got into the hotel by way of a side door with a security guard, who informed us that we would have to go to the casino itself to check in. We pulled our suitcases through long, silent hallways.

LITTLE BROTHER: Why is this the hotel from The Shining?

After several minutes (not even joking), we emerged in the casino, a cavernous room with a high ceiling and a rollercoaster and a defunct log flume and an actual western town.

You'll notice that this western town features creepy mannequins of cowboys. There was also an in-casino buffet (that was closed, boo), a Denny's, a McDonald's, and a movie theatre showing Black Panther. And elsewhere in the hotel, there was a pool shaped like a buffalo.

Mom was slightly horrified. I, however, was delighted and fascinated.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I want to come here on my honeymoon.

Non-vacation in San Diego

Context: This post is about a trip to San Diego.

As we prepared to go to San Diego to visit our dying uncle, our mother repeated her mantra: "This isn't a vacation!"

But the two teenage boys she was dragging along didn't like that mantra, so she added another mantra at the end: "But we will go to the San Diego Zoo!"

The San Diego Zoo is a big deal (which I learned many years ago from reading one of the Baby-Sitters Club specials. When they all go on a cross-country road trip, Andrew Brewster chooses the San Diego Zoo as his special destination because he wants to see a baby panda. So I knew that San Diego has a zoo, and the zoo has pandas). So I guess my mom thought that would be exciting. Baby Brother certainly thought it sounded exciting. He began to research the zoo and make a plan so that we could see the whole zoo in the morning before visiting my uncle in the afternoon.

Me, I'm no Andrew Brewster. I don't really like zoos. Also, in the short space of a year and a half, this was my third "non-vacation" with my parents. I love my parents, but since I've been out of the house for so long, being with them 24/7 on these non-vacations and having them dictate when I wake up and what I eat and where I go is a trial of my patience. So I had my own mantra for the trip, which I used to channel my inner Mindy whenever Mom told me to do something.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Okay, lady!

In short, I went to the zoo and tried not to ruin it for Baby Brother by being grouchy.

As far as zoos go, the San Diego Zoo was nice. There was pretty foliage everywhere and all kinds of animals. There was a bus and a sky tram. There were flamingos and koalas. There were penguins, which did excite me because I love penguins. Also pandas! Giant pandas. Which I say not because the pandas were of abnormal size but because that's their proper name.

Fun fact: Did you know that all the giant pandas in the world belong to China? (Except for a few that belong to Taiwan.) If you want to borrow a giant panda for your zoo, you must pay a bazillion dollars to China. Something like that.

At the tail end of the panda exhibit was a photographer. He instructed us to hold our arms in a cradling position.

"We're going to Photoshop baby pandas into your arms," he said.

Sure enough, at the photo kiosk, for the bargain price of $20+, we could purchase a beautifully Photoshopped yet totally unnecessary photo of ourselves cuddling baby pandas!

And Mom "This Isn't a Vacation" McMommerson actually bought it. I have a print of it on my fridge right now. Obviously it's not a souvenir since it wasn't a vacation. It's a...keepsake. And in that keepsake, it really does look like I'm cuddling a baby panda.

I love it. So maybe there's some Andrew Brewster in me after all.

Review of Infinity War Except It's Really a Bunch of Theories

After Avengers: Infinity War was over, I said to Favorite Cousin and Baby Brother, "I hated everything about that, but it was really well done."

I could drop the mic and end the review here. I don't really need to say anything else...but I will.

Things I liked: They balanced the huge cast of characters nicely...the movie was fun and sharp and clever and met the ultimate movie test (does it make you forget about your own troubles for a few hours?)...Rocket's interest in Bucky's arm (called it)...some big plot twists...great contrast of maturity between the Guardians of the Galaxy and the Avengers.

Things I didn't like: No Hawkeye...no confusion over the fact that both Spider-man and Star-Lord's names are Peter (I was looking forward to that)...and everybody in the movie lost the person they loved the most. Every. Body. No one was spared. (Okay, I guess Tony lost the person he loved second-most, but still.)

Ugh.

So what's going to happen now? According to Baby Brother, Captain Marvel should know how to fix it. Looks like she'll be teaming up with the six original Avengers, Ant-man and the Wasp, Nebula, Rocket, Rhodey, Okoye, and Shuri (who is now queen of Wakanda, yay). And Harley Keener (the cute kid from Iron Man 3) who is a confirmed character in Avengers 4. Pepper, Wong, and Happy should be in there somewhere, too.

That lineup...isn't terrible. It's way worse than the team that the franchise was slowly building, but since Captain Marvel is apparently like the most powerful being in the universe, they should be able to manage.

Now, Baby Brother tells me that set photos from Avengers 4 indicate that the story will be jumping backwards in time. Which means that almost anything is possible in terms of story and plot. It's likely that some of the deaths will be undone. We know that almost all of the heroes who were vaporized by Thanos will have to come back (they have sequels coming out), but I'm convinced that either Loki or Gamora's death will be undone. (But not Heimdall's. Sorry, Heimdall.)

Here's my reasoning for why Loki could come back: He. Just. Won't. Stay. Dead. I have become soooo suspicious of him that not even seeing his lifeless body will convince me. Also, the scene was scripted oddly. It didn't...really read as the fitting death of a major character? It was wildly unsatisfactory. Especially since it looked like Loki was still just living for Loki; he never completed his character arc by choosing to fight for something greater.

On the other hand, Gamora's death was pretty satisfactory. It made complete sense, and it felt like a fitting end to her character arc. However. I find it unlikely that she's not going to be in the last Guardians movie, and if they choose to go back in time to prevent Thanos from getting the stones at all, they'd have to save her to prevent Thanos getting the stone anyway.

What I think is going to happen is that they will end up saving Gamora. Then, when they go back in time (it looks like they're specifically going to relive the Battle of New York from the original Avengers movie), Thor will see Loki and embrace him and be all, "You died! Sweet brother, you died!" and then tell Loki about everything that happened. Loki will see how much Thor loves him and have a change of heart. He'll officially join the Avengers, and during the fighting he'll die by Thanos's hand—again!—but this time his death will feel more heroic and less pointless and awkward.

Easter Weekend

Context: This post is about a trip to San Diego.

This year, General Conference and Easter fell on the same weekend. I was reluctant to go to San Diego partly because of this. My parents said we would listen to the radio during part of the drive but that we might not listen during all of it for various reasons. I did not like this. My life was not going very well, and I was desperate for words that might assist me.

I agonized over the decision. Then I agonized over my decision-making agony, because I am usually very decisive, and it troubles me when my decision powers abandon me. Finally, I agreed to go. But. I made a plan, which was that I bought two portable phone chargers. My phone tends to eat up a lot of battery, especially when I'm streaming. Each charger was supposed to last a few hours, so even if my phone was particularly voracious, I hoped to get four hours' of power to listen to General Conference. I also bought a backup pair of ordinary headphones for my chargeable, wireless Bluetooth headphones. Just in case.

Saturday involved a lot of driving. We were in a hurry as we drove through Utah, Nevada, and into California. We only stopped a few times, which was tedious, but to my delight, my parents did end up playing most of General Conference over the radio.

It was an excellent conference. We had the opportunity to sustain the new prophet, President Nelson, through a solemn assembly. There were also a lot of really, really good talks.

It was hard for me to tear myself away for even a moment. During bathroom breaks at the gas stations, I kept my headphones in and the audio streaming while I waited in line.

Did I get what I needed? Yes. I'd say that at least sixty percent of the talks throughout the four general sessions related somehow to my Interpersonal Crisis. There were so many talks about kindness, forgiveness, and love; about treating people the way the Savior wants you to treat them; and about giving others the benefit of the doubt even when they have wronged you. I felt chastised, but I also felt peace and understanding. I felt that renewal of Easter.

During the Sunday morning session (which we watched in our hotel room while eating breakfast), my mom remarked that a lot of the talks seemed to be about her situation with her brother! We were listening to the exact same thing and getting rather different takes on it. I think part of that is just due to human nature, but I also think that it's partly due to the way that the word of God works. Different scriptures, even when interpreted in a doctrinally correct manner, may resonate differently with one person than with another. Same thing with talks. They individualize themselves to us. The first time I heard Sister Wendy Watson Nelson (who is a superior human being, IMO) speak, she said that years ago, when she was struggling to know if she should marry her fiancé, every talk in a session of General Conference was about marriage, and what she heard led her to break off the engagement. Later, when she went back to reread the talks, none of them really seemed to be related to marriage at all! But her ex-fiancé ended up leaving the woman he did marry for another man, so it worked out well for Sister Nelson.

Besides listening to General Conference, our Easter weekend celebration was a little unconventional. On Saturday night, we arrived at our hotel around dinnertime. My parents went to visit my uncle while my brothers and I rested and refreshed. A few hours later, my parents returned with delicious Shake Shack food. Then bedtime.

Sunday morning, as I mentioned, we watched General Conference on my dad's laptop. My mom had brought little Easter packages for us—cellophane bags with jellybeans and chocolate. She even sort of hid them around the hotel room for us to find.

After the morning session and our sort-off Easter egg hunt, we piled into the rental and headed for Old San Diego. It was a visual riot! Many of the shops and restaurants were built in a Mexican style and selling Frida Kahlo merchandise and southwestern cusine. Everything looked so bright and happy and appealing.

We found an LDS visitors' center (for the Mormon Battalion), but it was closed. It looked kind of like an old Catholic mission. Across the street from the visitors' center was a synagogue! Even though my brothers and I are one-eighth Jewish, none of us had ever been in a synagogue. We ventured inside to respectfully look around. (I thought this was an especially apt activity for Easter weekend/Passover.)

Apparently, this is the first synagogue in San Diego.

We also found some other cool historical buildings.

Speaking of which, you might notice the leafy green foliage in some of the pictures. It turns out that San Diego is kind of like a jungle. Our hotel was nestled in a bunch of palm trees and other foliage. It reminded me a decent amount of Animal Kingdom at Disney World. 

Lunch was at at our hotel bistro. I had a delicious chicken pot pie and half of Baby Brother's grilled cheese sandwich. Dad hugged us all goodbye and went to the airport, and then Mom hustled us kids to go visit her brother.

Even though seeing our uncle was the main reason for the trip, I don't have a lot to say about it. I don't feel like I can say much. It's hard to explain how he's living from day to day and how depressing his place of residence is without violating his privacy. I'll just say that being there was physically and emotionally taxing for all of us (including him, I reckon).

After that, we were on our own. Mom asked us what we wanted to do with the rest of our day.

Our reply was unanimous: "Go back to Old Town San Diego!" So we went back to Old Town San Diego, where we passed a pleasant evening learning about the Mormon Battalion (the visitors' center was open since General Conference had ended). We enjoyed the interactive exhibits, including a small courtyard where Baby Brother and I panned for gold. Afterward, we went to a collection of shops that Little Brother wanted to browse. The shops were closed, but the Mexican restaurant nearby smelled so good that Little Brother persuaded those of us who dislike southwestern food (Baby Brother and I) to try it.

At home, we never eat out on Sundays, but when we travel and have no place to prepare food, we do. So we wound up having Easter dinner in a pleasant courtyard at Casa Guadalajara with chips and salsa in front of us and mariachi music around us.

Baby Brother: (texting our siblings) Literally everybody and their mariachi band is at this restaurant.

I liked the food way more than I thought I would. I enjoyed seafood chimichangas with grilled vegetables, and Mom even let us get some dessert to take back to the hotel.

Happy and content (and full of churros and ice cream), we got into bed and slipped away. I was technically still in recovery from my appendectomy, and the soft hotel beds were a huge blessing. I got much better sleep in San Diego than I was getting at home.

Royal Wedding

When I was a piddly little child, Older Sister one day said, "We're going to dress up today! A princess just died, and we're going to watch her funeral!"

We raided our dress-up box. I wore a fluffy skirt and the blue velvet jacket, which I thought too sophisticated. Then I watched the funeral on TV with Older Sister and Dad. It was very boring. Thus I've never watched a British royal function again.

When William and Kate got married, I was eating breakfast. It was a very good breakfast—leftovers from Red Lobster's ultimate feast. There were biscuits galore. There were crab legs. Fried shrimp. A lobster tail. A bit of baked potato. Even some appetizers. It was glorious, except for the tedious sounds coming from Older Sister's laptop as she and Mom sat at the kitchen table and watched like their eyes were glued open.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I'm trying to eat. Do you mind watching that somewhere else?

OLDER SISTER, MOM: Yes.

Since then, most of the knowledge I've gleaned about the royal family comes from article headlines that I glimpse on the MSN homepage. The still-single Prince Harry has been the subject of many a headline. For years, folks opined over his lack of settling down.

Well, guess what? He done settled down. Whether he settled, period, remains to be seen. I wouldn't know. I know zero about Meghan Markle.

Although, actually, thanks to MSN headlines, I learned quite a bit last week. Every day, articles said things like, "Meghan Markle's Sister Is Causing Drama!" "Meghan Markle's Father Decides Not to Walk Her Down the Aisle!" "Meghan Markle's Father Decides to Walk Her Down the Aisle After All!" "Meghan Markle's Half-Brother Insulted Her Mother and Is Literally Trash!"

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Oh my gosh! Who the heck cares?!

Everybody but me, apparently.

(This is a long way of saying no, I did not watch the Royal Wedding 2.0.)

Remember How I Force Someone Else to Pick Out My Clothes?

My Stitch Fix posts are some of the most-read ones on the entire blog. Which I guess means that a lot of my readers enjoy my lovingly mocking reviews of clothes that I forced a hapless Californian stranger to curate to my exact specifications.

I guess it also means that not a few of you have noted the dearth of Stitch Fix posts recently. I haven't indulged in a Fix in almost six months. Why? Well, I didn't break up with Stitch Fix or with Jessica V or even with newbie Jill, if that's what you're wondering. I just a) am trying to be financially provident since I just paid for an appendectomy and some other large purchases and b) don't need enough new clothes to justify getting a Fix. I'm planning to buy some new sneakers and maybe a light dress for summer, but other than that, I'm good!

I do plan to get another Fix eventually, especially since I have some referral credit (and FYI, Stitch Fix changed their referral structure; if you use my link, we both get a $15 credit). I just don't know when that will be.

After I started Stitch Fix, the Seamstress came home one day all excited. She had a coupon for a dinner subscription box—kind of like Stitch Fix, but with food. She proposed that I try this subscription service and review them, too. More fodder and fun for the blog, right? I was amenable...until I investigated and saw how much it was even with the coupon.

You may find this hard to believe (since I routinely talk about my clothing and vacation splurges here), but I'm stingy. Like, really stingy. I hate buying things, even when I need them. My mom hates that I hate buying things. It's not uncommon for her to buy things (makeup, clothes, various household items) and give them to me since I won't buy them for myself. That's why I took one look at the dinner subscription box price and was like "ha ha NO." The price of a couple of meals a week far exceeded my entire seven-day grocery budget! No way. No way, no way.

Now that we're on the subject of my dinner habits: I cook once a week and eat that meal all week long. There are respites (I have dinner at my parents' on Sundays, and I usually eat out a couple of times a week), but for the most part, I eat the same thing for seven days straight. This can be problematic when I'm trying a new recipe and it turns out terribly, so I don't try new recipes as often as I'd like. (Sadly, after at least six tries, I still haven't found a good curry recipe.) And some weeks I don't have time to cook before last week's meal runs out, so I end up ordering a bunch of takeout food to tide me over. Weeks like those make me wish I did have some kind of food subscription box (or someone at home to cook for me, preferably of the male variety).

Happily, this week over at Ask a Manager, the awesome Alison Green advertised a steep discount on two weeks of Blue Apron. The steep discount makes it affordable enough to try, so I signed up. There's no way I'll be able to continue using it after the discount expires; even with the discount, it's still just over half my week's grocery budget to get two two-serving meals. But I thought it would be a fun adventure to experience and blog about. (I'll just be eating super cheaply for the rest of those two weeks!)

Another FYI—my mom once suggested that if I was going to blog about Stitch Fix, I should get paid for my reviews. Though I get where she's coming from, I'm really not an influencer! No one pays me to review anything; I just do it for fun and because I'm a snob who thinks she has discriminating tastes. Sometimes I do get referral credit for Stitch Fix, but it's nowhere near enough to write reviews solely for gain. If by some wild chance anyone ever does pay me to review something, though, I'll let you know.

In Which We Run Away to San Diego Rather Abruptly

My mom has five brothers. One of those brothers made a series of poor decisions that made him unpleasant and even unsafe to be around. When I was small, she cut off all contact with him.

A justified decision, to be sure. But maybe not a merciful one. Later, she regretted it. So the last time we went to Disneyland as a family, we swung by San Diego to pay him a visit. Since then, he and my mom have been in regular contact.

Now he has a degenerative disease (I'm the worst with diseases; I don't remember which one). In March, we thought he was going to die. Mom resolved that she would go visit him. It was decided that she and Dad would take the trip over Easter weekend, and I would stay with my brothers.

But wait! If they were going to spend the money to go, then Mom wanted to go for several days, but my dad had a project on a deadline. His schedule didn't allow that. Unfortunately uncle's facility is in a pretty sketch part of town, and neither of my parents wanted my mom to go alone. Plus she would be gone during my brothers' spring vacation, so my brothers would be sitting home bored while everyone else was at work.

Every possible combination of days and travelers was proposed, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, it was decided that my mom and dad would drive out to San Diego the Friday before Easter (Passover). They would take my brothers with them, and they would take me, too.

Yes, me. It was an extremely last-minute vacation (and it arguably wasn't a vacation). But I had to go. My dad was going to fly home on Easter Sunday so that he could get back to work, and driving is not my mom's forte. I was coming so that we could switch off driving the rental car on the way back to Utah.

Which is how I found myself bundled in the back of a rental car (again), hurtling towards Las Vegas and, beyond it, San Diego.

Angry Sonnets

I was angry, so I wrote angry sonnets. But. One is about real life. One is from the viewpoint of a fictional character. One is about a restaurant. Which is which?! I'll never tell.

Note: I must be out of practice with sonnets, because it took me literally weeks to write these, and they're still a bit rough. Also, for some reason, I decided not to use any punctuation except in the couplets at the end. It kind of makes you slow down on the last two lines, creating a ritardando effect. Yay pretentiousness!

I wish that I could tell you how I feel
You wish that I would simply disappear
Well, seeing you does not come as a thrill
I wish I could be anywhere but here
You wish you'd cut me off much long before
I wish that you'd been honest all along
I never wanted to become a chore
How could I know that everything was wrong?
I wish that I could hate you but I don't
Nor have I had the blessing to forget
I wish that you'd forgive me but you won't
Though hard hearts lead to nothing but regret
A piece of unsolicited advice:
Is this really what you want? Please think twice.

A stupid person causes loved ones pain
A stupid person wounds a friend offhand
They might do hurtful things and not explain
Because they think their friend will understand
They let things sit in silence far too much
They think the words are better left unsaid
They damage every friendship that they touch
And somehow think they might come out ahead
I guess that I'm a stupid person then
I never thought of how you might be hurt
I guess I simply didn't comprehend
I guess I kinda treated you like dirt
You were the best out of all of my friends;
Hard to believe this is how it all ends.

Of all the things I've lost I never thought
I'd ever have to count you in that group
So now that means there's one last thing I've got
And one less way my spirits can recoup
I can't begin to tell you how I feel
I feel as though my heart is on the ground
I've stayed together by an act of will
Though inwardly my sorrow's tightly wound
I thought that nothing could tear us apart
Just goes to show how little that I know
I don't know why you feel you must restart
I don't know why you feel you have to go
Do you not realize? And do you not care?
Do you not notice? Why aren't you aware?

The Unavoidable

If you haven't seen Avengers: Infinity War yet, you should probably skip this post. 'Cause that's what it's all about.

Okay, so, do you remember the scene where Doctor Strange is meditating on Titan? And Tony is like "What the heck, you wizard you?"

And Doctor Strange is all, "Oh, I totally saw every possible outcome of our woefully unprepared mishmash of superheroes attacking Thanos when he gets back. There were more than 14 million possible outcomes."

And Tony's all, "Right on. In how many of them did we defeat him?"

And Doctor Strange is all, "Just in one."

Having seen the future, Doctor Strange knows what to do to achieve the best outcome. Surely the Avengers use that knowledge to devise their attack plan. They figure out a way to play to everyone's strengths, to hit Thanos where it hurts and bring him down.

And what happens? Do they win?

Nope. They don't. They come close to winning, but they snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Thanos gets all six infinity stones. Then he proceeds to wipe out half the population with a snap of his fingers, including half of the awesome superheroes we just spent movies and movies getting invested in!

What the actual heck, Marvel?!

In the last few minutes of the movie, Doctor Strange disintegrates. (I'm using no poetic license here, but you probably know that, because if you haven't seen the movie, you shouldn't be reading this post.)

Tony, watching him disintegrate, is kind of all, "HOW DID THIS GO SO BADLY WRONG?" I mean, he doesn't say that, but obviously he's thinking it.

Yet as he turns into dust, Doctor Strange makes a comment that kind of makes it sound like this was the desired outcome. Out of the fourteen-million-plus outcomes, this is the only one that will lead to Thanos's defeat. It's a long con, a necessary sacrifice to achieve victory in the end.

There have been a few times in my life where literally the worst thing I could possibly imagine happened to me. 'Twas an absolute nightmare. A horror. Inconceivably painful.

During one of those times, I wrote this in my journal:

Well, in any case, [nightmarish, horrible, inconceivably painful thing] is obviously a step towards the future. Apparently it cannot be skipped, avoided, or prevented.

Because heaven knows I tried to skip, avoid, or prevent it.

This wasn't vain optimism; I ended up being right. Looking back, I can say it was a step towards a future with better, happier things that could only be achieved by first going through the horrors. As it has been every other time I've had to endure something like that.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not afraid of the future. I don't have Doctor Strange's wizardly powers, but I do know from previous experience that when I pray and inquire of the Lord and come away feeling like things will change and be okay, they do change and are okay.

I know that everything will be okay. I'm not afraid of the outcome of the long con. I'm a little afraid of the things that happen along the way, because like I said, they tend to be nightmarish (i.e. half of the Avengers disintegrating). But if experiencing those things is the only way to nail your one in 14 million chance of defeating Thanos, they're arguably worth it.