Nutella

When I got to Germany, the Germans were all, "Oh btw, Europeans eat Nutella every day for breakfast. Also, carrot-orange juice."

And I was all, "I love Nutella. I have no problem with this cultural idiosyncrasy. What's carrot-orange juice?"

Nectar. I mean Nutella. Pretty much the same thing, amirite?

Except I don't speak German, so this transfer of information actually took place through broken English, gestures, and the presence of a vast jar of Nutella at the place of honor at the breakfast buffet.

I think that was the moment that I decided I loved the European continent.

Skip forward from my trip to Europe to the recent past. In the recent past, I got the flu. I don't mean that I got the thing commonly known as the stomach flu. I mean I got the illness influenza, complete with hot and cold flashes, dizziness, and delirium.

Little Sister also had the flu. We spent the day lying on her bunk bed and softly moaning to each other about how we felt about as lively and well as overcooked noodles.

Our little brothers dropped in to see us. And by "see us," I mean, "be generally obnoxious." Because that is the job description of a younger brother, or so I've gathered from my experience.

The following conversation ensued:

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Baby Brother, I'm so hungry. I haven't eaten for hours. Will you please bring me a graham cracker covered in Nutella?

BABY BROTHER: We don't have any graham crackers!

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: How about a frozen waffle covered in Nutella?

BABY BROTHER: That sounds gross. I'm not going to do that.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Trust me. It's actually really good.

BABY BROTHER: (is skeptical)

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Baby Brother, anything is good if you put enough Nutella on it.

BABY BROTHER: Anything?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Almost anything.

BABY BROTHER: What about my glasses subscription?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Don't you mean prescription?

BABY BROTHER: No. I mean subscription.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Yeah, a subscription is something for a magazine.

BABY BROTHER: Nuh-uh.

LITTLE BROTHER: What about a toothpick?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: I'm sure that if you put enough Nutella on a toothpick, it would be completely edible.

BABY BROTHER: What about Nutella on somebody's arm?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Oh yeah.

BROTHERS: What about-

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Now will you bring me a graham cracker covered in Nutella?

BROTHERS: But what about-

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Or a frozen waffle. Something!

BROTHERS: But-

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: LOOK HERE. I am extremely sick and hungry. Please put some Nutella on something. Bring it to me. Then go away.

They exited. Cue much rattling in the kitchen.

A few minutes later, they returned with a covered platter.

BROTHERS: Here you go!

With a flourish, Little Brother whipped off the cover, revealing-

-a single toothpick coated in Nutella.