It's Fantastic

Little Sister brought me a decorative fan from Chinatown in San Francisco. Add this to the two fans Porch gave me this past summer, and I have a rather nice collection of fans.

A fan.

Burning Question: What is it about me that makes people want to give me fans?

Not-So-Burning Answer: My secret Asian-ness, of course.

Other Burning Question: What can I do with these fans, anyways?

Besides the obvious use of fanning myself, or wafting oxygen over a fire, or using it as a defense mechanism against the Huns, that is.

 

 

 Apart from those things, what can I do with a fan?

 

I thought long and hard about this question, and came up with a rather exhaustive list of things I can do with a fan.

 

-Watch FANtasia with it.

 

-Bring it on the bus and insist on paying its FANfare.

 

-Take it to the opera. Now it's the FANtom of the opera.

-Write a FANtasy story about it: it's FANfiction.

-Show it the segment of Zoom about how FANnee Doollee loves apples but not grapes. And puffins but not penguins. And Harry Potter but not Ron Weasley.

 

-Take it for a ride on an eleFANt.

 

-Kill its parents and make it an orFAN.

-When it whines, tell it to stop being a baby--an inFANt.

 

-Teach it to dance the FANdango.

-Buy it a nice drink of orange FANta.

 

-Put it in a little dress and tell it that it looks FANcy.

 

-Put it in a little suit and tell it that it looks FANdsome.

 

-Watch a movie together that stars Dick FAN Dyke.

 

-Bring it a fruit basket with FANteloupe and FANgerines.

 

-Throw it in the air and yell, "You can fly, Peter FAN!"

 

-Get it a religious television show. Now it's a televised EFANgelist.

 

-Recruit it for a gang and give it a gangster FANdana.

 

-Apply for a scholarship for it because it's a disadFANtaged student.

 

-Tell it to make me a FANdwich.

 

-Take it on a steep hike up a mountain and chant, "I think I FAN, I think I FAN!"