If My Life Were a Georgette Heyer Novel

The Seamstress has been lending me her Georgette Heyer novels. Georgette Heyer is a twentieth-century writer who wrote many books about the Regency and before. I never got much into Jane Austen, but I've gotten very into Georgette Heyer. Many of her heroines are far more sensible and palatable than today's average heroine. Give me Mary Challoner over Bella Swan any day! Also, on average, her books tend to be far more exciting than Jane Austen's. Most Georgette Heyer books contain a duel, an elopement, and a lady who has, through no fault of her own, come into circumstantial situations that demand she be married at once or her reputation will be ruined! Also, about half of them feature cross-dressing. All of this high adventure and drama is written with a wry hand, allowing the reader the option of not taking it too seriously. And oh, I do like books that don't take themselves too seriously!

I've been thinking that if my life were a Georgette Heyer novel, it would probably go like this: the Seamstress would be the terribly practical female character, I would be the one prone to cross-dressing, and Pepper would be the goodhearted one with a romantic streak that causes her to dream of eloping with a handsome French pirate. Instead of being our landlord's tenants, we would be the charges of him and his wife. Instead of working at our various professions, we would spend our days horseback riding and receiving visitors and our nights attending the theatre and society balls. Of course, we would all have to find love interests before the story ended.

The Seamstress would put the dashing playboy character in his place with a severe scolding. He would be outraged at first, but eventually he would realize his passionate love for her and give up his disreputable ways. They would go live in the country and be perfectly content forever.

I would be the girl whose reputation would be ruined. If my cross-dressing were not discovered, my occasional late-night walks with Porch would be. Porch would be very put out at the idea of marrying me, but surely upon hearing that I was going to marry Porch, there would be another fellow of my long-standing acquaintance who would realize suddenly that the idea of my marrying someone else made him sick with jealousy! He would offer for me, of course, and I would accept.

Pepper would be betrothed, under her family's direction, to a very boring gentleman expected to bring additional wealth and dignity to the ancient and noble House of Pepper. Pepper would fight it, tooth and nail, but in the end would embark on an elopement with the same gentleman whom she had so disdained originally.

As for the duel—well, I think that the thing that would inspire Pepper to marry the boring gentleman would be to learn that he was much more fiery than she had at first suspected. Yes, I can see it now. In my cross-dressing disguise, I would make some disparaging remark to Pepper that's fine between female friends, but the veriest of insults from a gentleman to a lady! Pepper's betrothed, much indignant, would challenge my male alter ego to a duel. Pepper's family, horrified at the scandal, would call off the engagement, but the good sir would go through with it anyways. Unfortunately, not being very good at fencing, he would perform even more horribly in the duel than my untrained self, and would be wounded. Pepper would be touched by this display of devotion to her as well as excited by the discovery of the hitherto unknown adventurous nature of her betrothed. She would decide that she would marry him after all. So, to circumvent her family's objections, they would immediately elope to Gretna Green. Because, of course, we would be living in England. Obviously.

The more I write, the more I kind of like this idea. Maybe instead of writing teen fantasy, I'll become an author by publishing Regency novels? Is there a niche for that anymore? Besides Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, I mean. I'll have to look into it.