Judith

Over the weekend, when I was at my parents' for General Conference, I noticed that there were unpotted pansies on my parents' porch.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Are those-?

MOM: Those are for you, yes.

Meet Judith!

I actually potted her myself. It was really stressful because I had no idea what I was doing.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Did I do a good job, Mom?

MOM: You put rocks in the bottom, right?

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Rocks??? You didn't say anything about rocks! Why are there rocks? What kind of sorcery is this???

Anyways, I was anxious to bring Judith home and care for her. My last pansy plant, Tabitha, perished quite soon after we met. I don't know if it was just her time to go or if she was killed off by the horrible weather. It rained almost nonstop when I had Tabitha, and when it wasn't raining, the sun was beating down with the force of a woman pushing out a baby. Why was the weather so awful? Some people blamed global warming. Some people blamed Obama. Some people blamed Obama detractors. Whatever the case, the whole thing was unhealthy for my poor little pansy, and she died.

I was optimistic about my future with Judith.

MOM: If the temperature drops below freezing, bring the plant inside.

I checked the predicted weather for the whole week. Moderate temperatures every night, and no freezing! A good sign. However, the day after I brought Judith home, it began to rain.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: Oh, come on!

And then the next day, the predicted high was 82 degrees.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: ...what?

And the next day, the predicted high was 91 degrees.

AWKWARD MORMON GIRL: What is this?

Apparently the cause of the terrible weather is not global warming, Obama, or Obama detractors. It's me. Somehow, as soon as I find a plant to love and care for, the forces of nature join together to smite it down.

Happily, Judith is still alive... for now.