Epic Fail

Context: Here's a bit of nonsense I found that I wrote a good seven years ago. Don't ask me if there's supposed to be a deeper meaning, because if there is, I forgot it.

It was Tuluth the Brave
as he tried to rescue the fair Larolananina
with sword a-swinging and muscles a-rippling
that was killed.
O sorry world! Now the task
of rescuing the maiden and slaying the villain
was left to Tuluth's brother,
Corgan the Skinny, who wielded his homemade javelin
with the skill
of an overgrown toothpick.
Still bravely went Corgan
to the castle of that necromancer,
Necro the Mancer, to perform the deed
that his brother had left him responsible for.
There he battled Necro, face-to-face.
First Corgan poked Necro with his javelin tip,
and then Necro threw lightning at him.
Corgan took the hit hard. Was it the end of him?
No! He sprung upon his feet once more.
He dashed at Necro.
Necro singed him with ropes of fire.
Corgan hurled his javelin at him.
With a swift bolt of magic,
Necro smote the handcrafted thing asunder.
Corgan pulled out his Swiss army knife,
and commenced to chop Necro into a million little pieces.
The necromander howled in anger, thrust out his arms, and...
Nothing. Necro had no magic against a Swiss army knife.
Corgan turned him into mincemeat.
There was so much blood that
they had to call in George, the janitor,
to mop things up.
It took a lot of towels,
and a couple hundred gallons of Clorox,
before the castle floor was as good as new.
"Oh!" exclaimed the fair Larolananina. "How ingenious!
But how did you know to bring a Swiss army knife?"
"Miss," said Corgan the Skinny, "I'm a Boy Scout.
I'm always prepared."
"My hero!" said Larolananina.
So Corgan married Larolananina
and had a son with her,
who he named for his brother, Tuluth
—not because he wanted to,
but because everyone expected him to—
and then he took over Necro's kingdom, and was a wise king,
and Larolananina was a beautiful and stylish queen,
and under their reign the land was flowing with milk and honey,
and everyone had money but no one had taxes,
and they all lived happily ever after.
The End.