In Which I Am Deformed

The day following Little Sister's wedding, I got out of bed and almost fell over. It hurt to stand. It hurt to walk. My ankles throbbed no matter what I did. The Achilles tendons seemed to be swollen and sore.

I figured, "Hey, I spent most of yesterday walking around in high heels. It's only natural that my feet would hurt." Never mind that that was hardly the longest period of time I'd spent on my feet and in heels. It seemed like a good explanation.

Only the pain didn't go away. It would recede for a while, but then it came back, no matter how many times I iced my feet or how much I stayed off them.

And then after that, summer began. Baby Sister left on her mission. Her presence in our family became a series of weekly emails, typed in her trademark frenetic style. Occasionally, something physical would come in the mailbox. Such as:

Seeing Baby Sister off was a good (but sad) part of the summer. It was one of just a handful of tolerable memories.

Things I want to remember about summer 2017: Starting Zombies, Run! with Baby Brother. Watching fireworks in Dr. Godfather's backyard. Conversing with the ward activities co-chair, Flower Child, on our way to and from activities. Dancing with Best Friend Boy to "Can't Stop the Feeling" at stake dances. The smell of the mountains. Marvel movies with my brothers. The multicultural fair at the end of the summer.

Things I want to forget about summer 2017: everything else.

There was the panic of almost having to move, the loss of Steve Whitmire as a Muppeteer, and a host of personal problems. Although I received a priesthood blessing on Mother's Day that helped eliminate most of my migraines, my right eye continued to swell up on and off. And through it all, my ankles were hurting madly.

Shortly before summer's end, I finally went to see a sports med doctor. The doc asked me to stand. He asked me to walk. He asked me to squat.

I did all of those things. I overthought them because under observation, but I did them. Except I couldn't really squat. When asked to squat, I became distressed to realize that I didn't really know how.

The doc then took an ultrasound of my ankles. He then informed me that it was quite concerning for a casual runner in her mid-twenties to have this kind of pain. He then informed me that I was deformed.

He didn't say it like that, but that was the gist. Apparently, my hips and legs are misaligned, which causes me to walk on my feet funny. It also causes the muscles in my hips and upper parts of my legs to be weaker than they should be. When I run, most of the pressure goes to my Achilles tendons. So my Achilles tendons are super swole, but they shouldn't be. They shouldn't be working that hard.

The doc told me to go to physical therapy to strengthen my legs and hips and to stop running for a while.

That did not sit well with me. Do I have time for physical therapy? No. And, with all the other issues I'd gone through in the preceding weeks, I didn't feel like my emotional health could handle not having the release of running.

It was one more trouble in a long line of troubles. I tried to trust in God that everyone would work out, but honestly, I was feeling pretty low.

When I told Baby Sister, here's what she said:

Cutie. I couldn't decide if that made me feel better or worse.